


Unrequited love

by Anxious_Procrastinating



Category: Fairy Tail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7496244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxious_Procrastinating/pseuds/Anxious_Procrastinating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Freed suffers because of feelings that Laxus doesn't return. As the two fight, the former is visibly down and vents to his friends at the guild. When he makes a decision that could change his life forever, Laxus goes to his place and apologizes. One-sided Fraxus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey everyone!:) I know that the title isn't the most original thing but I've never been good at giving names...I came up with this idea because in this period my best friend is going through friendzone and her thoughts inspired me to write this. I hope you like it!
> 
> (Posted on FF.net on 14/03/2016)

It was the first time it happened in years of knowing each other. Freed and Laxus had a fight.

No one expected it, those two had been best friends their whole life, Freed was Laxus's right-hand man, his most loyal companion. Laxus was Freed's idol, a man he'd lay his life down for. Those two had always got along so well and now it seemed that they weren't going to talk to each other for the rest of their lives. The fight didn't go unnoticed at the guild, given the glares Laxus sent his bodyguard and the nervous attitude of Evergreen and Bickslow. Ever was always nevrotic, so it wasn't that uncommon, but Bickslow? Hell no, there was definitely something wrong. But the most evident detail the gave away that there was something going on was that Freed wasn't sitting at the table with his team, but alone at the counter. Poor Evergreen and Bickslow didn't know if they had to sit with Laxus or with Freed, for fear to enrage one of them, but none of the two would have held a grudge against them if they chose to sit with the other instead of isolating themselves in a corner of the guild.

A week had passed and the two were too stubborn to reconcile. It was late evening and Laxus had already stormed off for a while, tired of the tense situation. He'd drink himself to oblivion somewhere else. The guild was getting emptier by the hour, until only Lucy, Natsu, Happy, Wendy, Charle, Mirajane, Lisanna, Cana, Evergreen and Bickslow had remained. Other than Freed, that is.

The Rune mage was sitting on a stool, resting his aching head on the bar top. He'd had a drinking contest with Cana in a stupid attempt at drowning his sorrows and had lost miserably. The girl was still sober after three barrels of booze. He was near vomiting on the counter after the seventh round of scotch, his rationality slipping away from him. It was around 2 AM when everyone, worried, gathered around him.

"Freed, sweetie, how are you?" asked Mirajane in a motherly way.

"I'm just a bit sick"

The way he didn't slur words was impressive. But then again, it's Freed Justine we're talking about.

"You know I didn't mean this"

"Oh" he giggled. "I'm fine, don't you see?"

"Oh, Freed" Ever said in a discouraged tone as she gently stroked his back.

"Is being away from him that bad?" even little Wendy had understood everything.

Freed smiled, softened by the little girl's innocence.

"Wendy, love is a beautiful thing, but you have to be careful to fall in love with whom loves you back. That way, you will never suffer"

That pulled at the heartstrings of all the girls, even Bickslow, being a close friend of Freed's, was touched. The moment was interrupted by Natsu.

"Wait, what? Who has ever talked about love? You just fought, right?"

"Natsu, you can be so dense sometimes..." Lucy snorted. "Even Happy knew it and you didn't"

"Aye!"

"He's not the only one who didn't know. Laxus doesn't either" mumbled Freed.

"You should tell him!" said Cana. "Maybe he has feelings for you and you have no idea…"

Bickslow and Ever cringed.

"What now?"

"That's impossible. We know for sure that he's head over heels in love with someone else. I won't tell him anything, I prefer avoiding making things awkward and save the friendship. Or at least what's left of it"

"Don't you say like that, man! Your friendship is still alive, you just have to make peace with him!"

"Yeah! Peace! You're friends!" exclaimed Bickslow's babies imitating their papa.

Freed rose from the counter and turned to glare at his friend. He had dark circles around his eyes, pale skin, he looked like he hadn't eaten or slept in days. Scratch looked like. He really hadn't.

"Do you think I wouldn't want to talk to him right now? I would be begging at his feet to forgive me if I could. But I'm forcing myself not to. I didn't fight with him on purpose, I never wanted to. But once the damage had been done I thought that keeping myself detached from him could help me ease these feelings a bit, regain breath. But honestly, this situation is only oppressing me further. For years I enjoyed his company and then I realized to be in love with him. At the very beginning I was too stupid, tooblinded, to see how hopeless I was, so I kept living this unachievable dream. I didn't want that glee to disappear. Even now that I realized that Laxus will never love me, this sick fantasy doesn't abandon me. I just don't want to see reality and I feel so stupid. It's pointless, useless to keep illuding myself like this, I know it full well, but I can't stop myself. If I start thinking about the truth, everything around me just crumbles into tiny pieces and I'm left with nothing else other than my shattered heart. I'm addicted to him. I can't deny it. My happiness depends from him, it's as if I had entrusted him with it. He has the power to change my mood, nothing gives me happiness or satisfaction other than him. Even in a crowded room full of friends, if he isn't there, I feel alone. I'm grateful to have you all, and I don't mean to hurt you, but no one will ever be like him to me. I'm sorry. Every time he looks at me it makes my heart beat so fast, that gaze could melt me. Every time he talks to me I feel undescribably happy. He gives me bliss, peace of mind and senses. This week has been so empty without him. This sense of abandon is drowning me. And knowing that I'm the cause of all this is making me feel even worse, knowing that I caused him pain is consuming me. But I can't go back to him, crawl for forgiveness. I would. But I'd just go back to the start and I can't keep doing this. What will I do if he gets a girlfriend, if he talks about her, if I see him kissing her, if they get married? I already died inside when he told me he was in love with someone. I have to stop it before I lose my mind completely. I'll just make peace with him if he asks me to. But we all know that he doesn't care about me as much as I do him"

The girls were all crying with him by then, Ever was holding him tightly and he sobbed in her chest. Bickslow's heart sank in his chest, it wasn't nice to know that his friend felt like that. Happy was crying, eating his fish just like a depressed girl eats ice cream or chocolate. Natsu showed signs of sadness, but being the optimistic type he tried to cheer him up. A poor attempt, but at least he tried. "He might not be in love with you, but he deeply cares about you, Freed. I know it's a meager consolation, but that's probably because of it that he's been hurt this much by whatever you told him"

"Speaking of which, what did you tell him that offended him like that?" inquired Cana.

"I just told him to be less reckless. I've been having nigtmares since the battle with Tartaros and I don't want anything bad to happen to him"

"And he got offended for that?" Mira asked in disbelief.

"It's not that simple" explained Evergreen. "You know how fixated with strength he is. After Tartaros he's had a few disabling medical issues that made us real worried and made him lose a bit of self-confidence. The point is that he's always liked us because when he was a boy he had this sort of inferiority complex towards his grandfather and we were the only ones who acknowledged him as Laxus and not as Makarov Dreyar's grandson. We always thought that his accomplishments and his strength came only from him, not from genetics. Our recent behavior has made him think that our trust in him is faltering and it hurts him, he sees Freed's concern as a lack of faith in his capabilities. Deep down he knows each and every one of his flaws and is really insecure, so this made him feel further discouraged and hurt"

Freed would have never wanted anyone else other than him, Ever and Bickslow to know about Laxus's weaknesses, but they were members of Fairy Tail, they could be trusted.

"Wow, I never knew Laxus was so fragile" commented Lisanna.

"That's really the worst thing you could ever tell him!" reprimanded Bickslow.

"Shut up! Don't say it!" echoed his babies.

"It must be hard to deal with him" mused Lucy.

"It is, but I never cared" said Freed with a small smile, more to himself than to her.

That dreamy expression he had ripped his friends' heart from their chests. The situation was really desperate.

"I wish there was something we could do" said Wendy pouting.

Once again she'd been able to bring a true smile on Freed's lips.

"These things just take a bit of time to be fixed, but don't you worry, I'll be better soon"

"Really?"

"Of course"

He didn't believe it, no one did. But they certainly didn't want to disappoint the little Dragon Slayer.

The Rune mage raised his gaze and adressed himself to everyone: "Guys, thank you all for listening to me. Venting has made me feel better already. I should get going now"

"We'll come with you!" said Ever and Bickslow in unison.

"It's not necessary, goodnight everyone!"

Before they could say anything he'd already closed the large, wooden doors of the guild behind him.

He walked alone in the dimly lit streets, the fake grin he'd mustered at the guild vanishing a bit more at every step he took. The cold night wind made him shiver and he took to walking faster to reach home sooner. Once he was in his room, he mentally prepared himself for another sleepless night of solitude. He lay in his bed, wallowing in his pain and suddenly an idea hit him: run away. He had to leave. Go away from Laxus, meet new people, start over, forget everything he had lived here in Magnolia with Fairy Tail. That way, maybe he could get over his unrequited love. It was his only hope. He abruptly got up and started hastily packing his things. At a certain point he realized he was crying, not at all ready to depart and leave everything and everyone behind. As he sat on the bed, pausing for a moment, he heard someone knocking at his door. Who could it be at 4 AM? He opened the door and gasped as he saw Laxus standing there. His coat hung over his shoulders as usual, but his shirt was half-unbuttoned and his hair was a bit messy. He was sporting a black eye. Just as Freed saw it he immediately forgot what he was doing and the fight.

"L-Laxus! Come in! Who did this to you?"

The blonde mage entered and sat on a chair in Freed's kitchen. "It was just a small brawl in a bar" he mumbled in a tone a kid who expecting a scolding would use. But it never came. Freed wordlessly dabbed at the cut on Laxus's eyebrow with an hydrogen peroxide-imbued piece of sterile cotton. The lighning Dragon Slayer remained silent too. When his teammate was done, he stood up, towering over him.

"I came here because I need to talk to you" he stated.

Freed's heart was about to get out from his chest: that closeness, those piercing orange eyes, his breath tickling his face. That was too much to bear. But, as always, he kept his composure.

"What's the matter?" he tried to mantain his voice steady.

"Wait, why are your eyes red and puffy? Were you crying?"

"Me? N-No! That must be an alcohol-induced hallucination…"

Laxus tilted his head to look at him better. Their lips were inches apart. Freed's breath hitched.

"Are you sure?"

The smaller man averted his gaze and nodded. Laxus seemed to be fine with it. "Anyway, I wanted to apologize"

"Eh?" the Rune mage stared at him in shock.

"I overreacted, I shouldn't have got mad. I should have known that you meant no harm with your words. You never do"

Freed just looked at him, not knowing what to say.

"Come on man, say something..." Laxus looked embarassed.

"I'm sorry, too. I should have had more tact" he whispered, honestly feeling guilty.

"For once, just...don't take the blame, ok?"

"Fine" Freed gave him a tiny smile, but it wasn't enough to hide his sadness.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Laxus put his hands on Freed's shoulders.

The Rune mage nodded silently, because he knew that if he dared speaking his voice would break and his idol would know that it was a lie.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? If you got a problem, we'll fix it together, huh?"

Tears gathered in Freed's eyes and he emitted a strangled sob, immediately cursing himself for allowing such a thing in front of Laxus. He squeezed his eyes shut and lowered his head, ashamed, refusing to say a single word. Unexpectedly, he found himself crashing against the blonde mage's muscular chest, encircled in his strong arms.

"If you don't want to tell me, it's fine, but please, don't cry. Whatever it is that's making you feel like this, we'll take care of it. Everything will be alright, I promise"

Freed let out a shaky breath and after a bit he had stopped crying. Laxus was magical. He truly had the power to make everything alright. In his hug Freed felt whole again, his heart swelled in his chest. It was all so wonderful, so perfect. Paradise. The cause of his pain was also the cause of his well-being.

He thought about his intentions to leave, but in his love's arms nothing made sense anymore. He knew it shouldn't be like that, but he couldn't help it.

 _"Maybe I can indulge for a bit more…"_ he thought desperately.

He was back to square one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Freed and Laxus's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 23/03/2016)

"Loser!"

"Pussy!"

"Fag!"

"Are you even a boy?"

"Nah, must be a girl"

An 11-year-old Freed was surrounded by a group of older boys. They were in a small alley, it was almost evening. He looked at them with big, sad, scared and teary eyes.

"Waterworks are coming! Yeah, definitely a girl"

"I'm not a girl" he whispered.

"What? We can't hear you if you talk like that"

He clenched his little fists and said it in a higher tone: "I. Am. Not. A. Girl"

"You dare defy us?"

"If we say you're a girl, then you're a girl. If we say you're a pussy, then you're a pussy. If we say you're a fag then you're a fag. We make the rules"

"I-"

"SHUT UP! You still have the nerve to talk?"

"You think we haven't observed you? You're a pretty little fag who likes watching other fags"

"I don't-"

This time he was silenced by a punch. The pain in his jaw spread in his whole skull. He fell to the ground with his head spinning and hurting like hell.

"I said that we make the rules here, what wasn't clear in that simple sentence? Are you handicapped too, now?"  
Freed was holding his head and turned towards them, tears ran freely down his cheeks.

"HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH he's crying!"  
"Such a loser!"

"Let's go and call his mommy!"  
"HAAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"

The laughter caused Freed to wince in pain. It was as if they were hammering his brain. He turned his head away from the bullies, so that they wouldn't see him crying anymore.

"Don't you think it's a bit late to hide, huh?"

"Show us your pretty face" one of the boys crouched next to him and gripped his jaw tightly, making it hurt even more than it already was. Freed squeezed his eyes shut and felt a kick connecting with his gut. He curled in a ball, holding his stomach, and the laughter intensified. He wondered why those people had so much fun pestering him. He hadn't done anything wrong.

"Can't even take a kick without embarassing yourself!"

He coughed and realized that he was spitting blood. He looked at them in pure hatred.

"Oh, so now you're mad?"

"You think you can scare us with that pitiful look?"

"Learn your place, scum!"

He was showered with more kicks and punches, but suddenly, a roar of thunder was heard and lightning crashed in the alley and it all stopped. A blonde boy was standing between him and his tormentors. Magical power radiated from him.

"Stop bothering the kid" he said in a low voice.

"Or else what?"

The lightning mage didn't even speak. He simply electrocuted them.

The bullies cowered in fear as he towered over them. It was almost satisfying for the younger boy who watched the scene unfolding before him wide-eyed. The boys scrambled away and the blonde haired mage who had saved him turned towards Freed.

"How are you?"  
"I'm fine. Thank you for helping me"

"Ah, no problem. I never liked bullies anyway"

That made him wonder if he had been bullied too in the past.

"Anyway, I'm Laxus" he flashed a grin towards him. "And you are…?"

"My name is Freed. It's nice to meet you" he smiled bashfully.

"Come on, follow me. I'll bring you to the guild. There we'll have your wounds treated"

"What guild do you work for?"

"Fairy Tail"

Freed had heard many stories about it. Laxus had to be a very powerful mage if he was a member.

Once they arrived the Master immediately called a grumpy woman who took care of him, then they gave him food.

"Where are your parents, child?"

"They're dead" Freed sadly looked down to his plate.

"Are you alone?"

"Yes. I live in the streets. I apologize for my conditions"

Freed's hair was dirty and he wore tattered rags, his body was skinny due to malnutrition.

"Hey, it's not like you could help it" said Laxus.

Freed looked at him for a brief moment before going back to staring at his legs, shrinking in his shoulders. "It's shameful nonetheless" he murmured.

Laxus was about to retort, but he was stopped by Makarov.

"Would you like to join this guild? We are all a big family here. Even if you aren't a mage, it's not a problem"

The green haired boy looked at him in shock. He didn't even know him and he was already offering him a job and a place in what he considered a family? He must have been in a really pitiful state. He set that last thought aside, it was pointless to wallow in self-contempt and shame.

"I am a mage, in truth" he said timidly.

"What? Why didn't you kick those bastards' asses then?" Laxus chimed in.

"It's...a bit complicated"

Since he seemed reluctant to talk, neither Laxus nor Makarov questioned his words. Freed certainly didn't want to tell them that he was a monster, that he couldn't control his magic and that one day he'd transformed in a demon and had wiped down his whole village killing everyone, including his family.

"I...need to work on my magic, that's all. But I'd like to join Fairy Tail". He needed a job after all.

A big party was thrown for him and for the first time after years of solitude he felt home.

Months passed and he'd developed a wonderful friendship with his savior. He admired him greatly and Laxus seemed to like him too. They'd formed a team and went on missions of all sorts. He felt almost honored when he found out that he was the only one who knew about Laxus's motion sickness. It would be a secret he'd keep for the rest of his life.

His friend was one of a kind: he could be the most friendly person in the world if he took a liking to you, but be the grumpiest of all with everyone else. He was hard to understand, really, but Freed got along very well with him so he didn't mind at all.

The best thing about Laxus though, was the sense of safety, due to his enormous strength and the fact that he would never judge you. Freed was in his teenage years and had realized that he liked other boys instead than girls like many other boys did. Laxus was immediately ok with his homosexuality, there was no uneasiness, nothing. Everything was normal. Then if you gained his trust, Laxus would completely open up to you. He had let Freed had see him in his moments of weakness and had confessed him his deepest secrets.

Freed felt extremely happy with him, he was glad to have found a true friend and that that friend trusted him like no one else. But after one particular event Freed's fondness and admiration for Laxus started to become something more.

During the years Freed had trained to improve his magic, make it more powerful and precise, but he had never dealt again with the dormant demon inside him, lest something bad happened. There was one mission though, where Laxus was in difficulty against a monster, Freed was doing his best to help him, but the beast easily overpowered them. When he saw that Laxus was about to die, Freed couldn't do anything other than transform into the demon, hoping that he could mantain his lucidity.

He defeated the already weakened monster, but couldn't go back to his human form, since consciousness had slipped away from him and he'd started to destroy random things. Laxus had to fight him to bring him back to normal. It was him who gave him the lightning shaped scar on the right side of his face.

When he got back to normal Freed trembled in shock. As he saw Laxus he gasped.

"D-Did I do th-that t-to you?"

"Yep"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, can you forgive m-"

"Will you just stop? I'm fine, you saved my life. Look, you beat the crap out of that monster"

"But I lost control"

"That's not a problem, we'll work on that, huh?"

"I hurt you"

"I told you I'm perfectly fine! A little scar is nothing"

"It's huge"

"So what? It's cool. I'm still handsome, aren't I?"

Freed blushed.

"Ahahaha come on man, just kidding" he put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's go get paid and have a huge lunch. I'm starving"

He stood up and started walking away as if nothing had happened. Seeing that Freed didn't follow him he turned around and asked: "Are you coming or not?"

"Aren't you scared of me?"

"Nope"

"There's something I can't hide from you anymore"

Laxus, seeing how somber his friend was, immediately turned serious.

Freed told him about how he'd destroyed his village and killed everyone because he'd lost control.

"If you don't want to be my friend anymore, I will understand it" he mumbled in the end.

"Are you fucking crazy?!"

Freed looked at him confused.

"Ok, what happened isn't the most beautiful thing that could happen to a child. Or that one could do. And I imagine that you feel this burden because technically it was your doing. But I know you and I know that your not cruel, ruthless, violent or whatnot. I know you didn't want to do what you did, you had no control over your actions, no one can blame you. You seriously think that I will stop being your friend for that? God, Freed I hoped you'd think better of me"

"Thank you Laxus" the rune mage said with tears in his eyes.

"Now can we go to a restaurant or something? I'm gonna pass out if I don't eat something right now"

"Yes, let's go" he smiled.

Once again there was no uneasiness, no awkwardness with Laxus. Everything was like it was before. He was amazing.

After that day it was hard for Freed not to notice how sunlight played with his golden hair or just how beautiful the color of his eyes was. How kind he was to him and how funny his jokes were.

Some time later Evergreen and Bickslow joined Fairy Tail and Freed created the Raijinshuu, a team of which he was the leader. Those two were beautiful people and in no time they became the most close-knit group in the guild.

Sometimes Laxus would be busy with something and they had to take missions alone. They were his best friends and Freed loved being in their company, but with Laxus it was entirely different.

On the train ride to another town, both Ever and Bickslow had seen him very thoughtful and asked him what was wrong. He didn't say anything.

"Heyyyy, earth to Freed, can ya hear me?" Bickslow even waved his arms in the air to get his friend's attention.

Waking up from his trance, Freed looked at him puzzled. "What's wrong?"

"That's what we've asked you" retorted Evergreen.

"Ah, sorry, I didn't hear you" he smiled apologetically. "I'm fine"

"You're not, we've never seen you like this"

"Like this! Like this!" echoed the babies.

"I assure you that it's everything ok, I was just lost in thought"

"Freed…" said Ever in a teasing tone. "Could it be that you miss Laxus?"

A tomato couldn't rival his redness.

"WH-WHAAAT? NOOOO!"

"I knew it!"

"You didn't know anything! It's not true!"

"Yeah, sure"

"Come on!"

"There's no point in denying it, we all know that Ever has an eye for this sort of things" said Bickslow sticking his tongue out.

"Wait, wait. wait. Where are you going with this?"

"It's evident that you like Laxus!" exclaimed Evergreen a bit irritated.

"No, I don't"

"You do"

"I don't"

"You do! You do!"

"It's humiliating to be contradicted by dolls"

"Then stop denying it" Bickslow winked.

"But I don't like him...I just enjoy being in his company…"

"And…?"

"And I like it when he pays attention to me, when he looks at me, when he talks to me. I'm a bit jealous of the girls that fawn over him" he chuckled embarassed. "But I suppose that it's just because we're friends and if he gets a girlfriend then he'll have less time for us"

Wow, he could really get carried away when he talked about Laxus!

"Oh. My. God" Ever looked at him wide-eyed.

"What?"

"You're falling in love with him!"

"WHAT?"

Freed stared at her in shock.

"Those are clear signs of love"

"You're just exaggerating"

"I am not, I've experienced this"

"She had one boyfriend and she thinks she'd had experience! Pfff...AHAHAHHAAHHAAH!" Bickslow laughed with his babies.

"Shut up, idiot!" Ever smacked him with her fan.

"It can't be. I can't fall in love with him!" said Freed anxiously.

"Why not?" asked Bickslow genuinely confused.

"He's not gay"

"So what?"

"He doesn't like other boys" said Ever with an arched eyebrow. Did Bickslow seriously not know what not being gay meant?

"I don't see what's the difference. Boys, girls...it's just a matter of souls. I don't care if the soul with which mine falls in love is in the body of a guy or a chick"

"That's kind of poetic"

"Kind of? You're talking to the master of poetry here"

Evergreen rolled her eyes. Freed had seemingly ignored all that had been said.

"Laxus will never be attracted to me" he stated sadly.

"Don't be like this, maybe one day he'll see you that way"

Freed looked at her with a pained smile that said everything. It wasn't true and they all knew it. Laxus loved Freed, but not that way and he never would, he was just a friend.

They completed the mission and came back home. Freed reflected on what had been said. When he met Laxus again he saw him in a different light. Just being aware that he would never have him that way made it all worse.

He tried to fight the feeling, repress it before it became something more, before it was too late, but to no avail. It just grew every day more, making him sink in a deep depression.

He didn't blame Evergreen for opening his eyes. Sooner or later he would have understood it on his own. She actually was the best friend he could ever ask for, whenever he felt like talking about it she was there to listen to him. She was always there, holding his hand, distracting him, keeping him company. Bickslow too, he was the perfect guy to cheer you up. Freed was immensely grateful to them for helping him in his hard moments and listening to him, never once complaining with him for killing the mood.

They were honestly worried about him.

In the meantime Laxus had changed. It was a hard period for him after his father got expelled from the guild. Freed suffered with him and wanted to be helpful to the man he loved, be for Laxus what Evergreen and Bickslow were for him. But the lightning mage wasn't easy to deal with and it hurt Freed to see him like that. Nevrotic, lonely, angry. He wouldn't say a word.

From that point forth, till the Fighting Festival, Laxus had been like that. Freed didn't want to fight against Fairy Tail, nor did Evergreen and Bickslow. But Freed would do anything to see Laxus smile again and Evergreen and Bickslow felt the same way. About Freed too.

They knew Laxus wasn't a bad person, Fairy Law had confirmed it. Freed was almost happy of that proof, he just knew that he wasn't crazy and that he hadn't fallen in love with a psychotic traitor. Laxus had just gone through an extremely hard period.

When he had to go, his world shattered. Bickslow, Evergreen and he would have followed him anywhere, but he hadn't wanted to. They were all sad, Ever and Bickslow protested but Freed was strangely quiet. He knew that Laxus had done something wrong. He had broken the rules. That was Freed's very essence, his magic, he could turn a blind eye on what Laxus had done, but he couldn't lie to the rational part of him. The resignation had taken the place of the determination and it hurt Freed to see that all Laxus's beliefs had crumbled. But that punishment was the right thing for Laxus. It would do him good. Freed was aware of that. That and the feeling that they would meet again were the only things that truly helped him to cope during his love's absence.

On Tenrou it was heaven again, he met Laxus and he could hug him, tell him how much he'd missed him without sounding awkward, he didn't have to abstain or moderate his behavior as he had always had to. Just seeing him could bring in Freed an immense joy. It reminded him of all the times when he didn't feel like going to the guild because he was tired or sick, but he did it all the same to be able to meet Laxus. He was his motivation. He observed his and Makarov's interactions. The old man wanted his grandson back with him so badly. Damn guilt and respect. Then, out of the blue, he decided to sacrifice himself for his brats. And Laxus was crying. If only he'd had the power, he would have done anything to stop those tears from flowing.

7 years later at the grand magic games he obviously rooted for Laxus. He got a heart attack as he saw him being brutally beaten by that Alexei bastard. Laxus was extremely powerful, he'd seen his true power, he'd trained with him. That guy must have been a monster if he could hurt Laxus that badly. He almost feared for his life, but immediately erased that thought knowing that Laxus would be mad if he knew what he was thinking.

He really felt like killing Ivan after he found out what he'd done. Fighting Laxus 5 vs 1. Blackmailing him. Threatening him. Hurting him. Unforgivable!

That night Evergreen had decided to stay with Elfman in the infirmary, Bickslow had got drunk with cana at the bar and Laxus had joined the party later than the others, arriving with Makarov and Mavis. Freed had noticed that something was off with him and decided to ask him about it, but opted to do it when they were alone, it might have been something that Laxus didn't want to talk about in front of other people.

After midnight the two walked to the hotel keeping silent. Laxus was still very thoughtful and Freed observed him worried. When they arrived in the room the rune mage asked his friend what was wrong.

"I can't hide anything from you, can I?" he said with a sad smile.

Nothing gets past the eyes of a man in love.

"It's just really visible when something's on your mind"

"I always have something on my mind"

"Then I guess I know you too well"

"Must be it"

"So, what's going on?"

Laxus wasn't too bothered about Lumen Histoire, he trusted the first master and his grandfather. Plus, he couldn't tell Freed anything. The problem was his father.

"I don't know, it's just been really weird to fight against my father"

"Weird, how?"

"You know how our relationship used to be…"

Freed knew it well, he remembered perfectly Laxus's bruises and scars. Ivan's doing.

"I guess that it's strange that I got the upper hand. It doesn't feel right"

"You couldn't always remain succubus of his mood swings. I'd say he deserved it"

Laxus chuckled, but it was humorless. "He will always be my father"

"He certainly hasn't acted like one"

"That's true. But I can't help feeling that little spark of affection for him"

Freed gently stroked his back and Laxus looked at him sadly.

"Sometimes I just wish that Dad and Gramps weren't at each other's throats"

It would have made Laxus's life much easier. Seeing him like that reminded Freed of all the times in which he'd be sitting on his bed with his head in his hands, bruised and crying for the umpteenth beating due to Ivan's nervousness and anger because of the situation with Makarov which led him to take his anger out on his son. Freed did exactly what he always did those times: he hugged him tightly.

Laxus emitted a strangled laugh and wiped away the sole tear that had managed to escape his eyes. He let Freed holding him, he liked being in his arms. He always transmitted a feeling of protection and unconditional acceptance. It felt good.

"Why is your heart beating so fast?" he asked. Being with his head on Freed's chest he could perfectly hear it.

"I'm just a bit nervous"

"You're a good friend, Freed. Thank you for putting up with me"

Freed just caressed his head. He would always be there for Laxus, he loved him. He would do anything.

Eventually Laxus fell asleep and Freed lay down next to him. He didn't touch him, lest he woke up and saw him looking at him. Freed took in every inch of his perfect features. The square jaw, the long eyelashes jutting outwards, the golden hair, the scar he'd given him, the muscles of his naked torso, his chest moving up and down according to his breathing. He seemed like a statue, etched in marble. Breath-taking. A god.

Laxus would always be a god to Freed, he could give him the most beautiful joys and the cause him the most unbearable pain. He was in his hands. He was devoted to him.

His lips itched to brush against those of Laxus, his hips itched to give him the sweetest of pleasure. He itched to give him his love.

The rune mage wished so badly that he had the power to make his love feel better, give him the same bliss he was capable of giving him. It broke his heart to know that Laxus suffered and that he couldn't do anything to ease his pain.

He cried himself to sleep, thinking that he would never be Laxus's god, he would never have such a power on him.

The following morning Laxus woke up finding Freed curled up next to him, shivering because he'd stolen all of his covers. He stood up and wrapped the poor thing in blankets, hoping that he wouldn't catch a cold because of him. Only then, he noticed the trails that tears had left on his face. He was tempted to wake him up to ask him if everything was ok, but decided to wait and let him sleep. Then he looked at the alarm clock and cursed for how late it was. He ran to take a quick shower and get ready for the day. While he clumsily dressed himself, someone knocked at the door. It was Ever and Bickslow. The two got in and seemed surprised to find Freed in the bed, but didn't say anything.

Laxus was finally ready and glanced at Freed, then at the time.

"Shit"

He had only five minutes to get to the arena. If he hadn't had his lightning body magic he would have been screwed.

"Guys, can you see if he's ok? I'm not sure, but I think he cried last night" he took another glance at his clock. "Fuck, I gotta go. Bye!" he stormed out of the window, worried about his friend. Maybe he hadn't noticed that he had a problem because he was too self-absorbed and instead of listening to him, he vented, burdening him with his own worries. Damn.

Evergreen and Bickslow imagined all the possible scenarios that could have taken place the previous night. Bickslow even checked if Freed still had his clothes on. They wanted to wake their friend up, but they thought that he hadn't got much sleep if he had been with Laxus and if their idol was right about him crying, so they let him rest.

He woke up around an hour later and filled them in with the details of the night earlier.

"Laxus mustn't know about this" he said.

"Of course not"

"We have to make up a good excuse"

They did. When Laxus asked Freed if everything was ok he told him his little lie. It was hard when all he wanted to tell him was the truth about his feelings. The blonde seemed to believe it. It was uncanny how dense he could be.

Then there was the fight against Tartaros. Freed remembered every single moment of that torture, namely seeing Laxus inhale all the magical barrier particles, seeing him in extreme pain and keep watching helplessly as he passed out. It was traumatizing, really. Then, after he should have been healed, all those crisis, with coughing fits, blood and pain and Laxus's constantly darkening mood. Freed felt like he could almost feel all his suffering. Every painful breath was a stab of pain in his chest, the fits of cough were an agonizing music to him, for each droplet of blood Laxus lost, a tear spilled from Freed's eyes.

He was slowly dying and Freed was losing his sanity.

He worked restlessly for a cure, a rune that would at least stop the pain or delay the day of Laxus's death. Anything.

In the end that Spriggan unwittingly cured him, and even if he'd been the cause of him, Evergreen and Bickslow being in the guild's infirmary and of Laxus fighting in spite of his precarious medical conditions, he couldn't help but be grateful to that guy. He could finally sigh with relief.

But Laxus was stubborn, reckless and nightmares kept haunting the Rune mage. So, in a discussion about the battles they'd fought together, it came out of his mouth from his subconscious:

"You should be a bit more careful when you fight"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've seen the latest consequences of your recklessness"

Laxus understood what he meant. He looked at him with those expressive eyes and Freed's heart broke. He could feel the crack making its way to his very core. He wanted to apologize, make that hurt look go away, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. They'd had luck until then, but it wouldn't last forever.

That's from where their fight started.

This brings us back to the week of silence and the two friends' reconciliation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad news for Freed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 25/03/2016)

Laxus spent the rest of the night at Freed's. It took him a lot of pushing, but in the end he'd convinced his friend to take the bed and leave him the couch and not the contrary. Freed didn't get much sleep anyway.

The following morning they walked to the guild together.

When they saw them, everyone knew that they had finally made peace. They were all happy about it, but many of them (that is, the people that were in the guild the prevous night) were worried about Freed. It certainly was a good thing that he had reconciled with Laxus, it's never nice when two friends fight and it would do him good, but at the same time it wouldn't bring him anywhere with his complicated love situation.

The two sat at a table and were soon joined by Evergreen and Bickslow who cheered for their friends' reconciliation. Seriously, they couldn't bear that situation anymore. The conversation among the group started as if the week earlier had never happened.

"Guys" started Laxus with excitement. When he saw that he had his friends' attention, he continued. "Tonight...I'm gonna ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend"

Freed's heart sank in his chest at the news. He felt Evergreen's hand moving under the table and holding his tightly and saw Bickslow getting tense and shooting him nervous glances.

Before the silence got awkward, he gave Laxus a big smile and his encouragement.

"That's great! I'm sure she'll say yes!"

He squeezed Ever's hand.

Bickslow's babies, not really understanding the situation, imitated Freed and cheered for Laxus

"Go Laxus! You're gonna make her your bitch!"

"What?!"

Everyone at the table stared in shock at Bickslow.

He laughed nervously. "I guess they heard me when I said that thing about Jura at the Grand Magic Games"

"I'd never want you to take care of my children if that's what you would teach them" said Evergreen, trying to change the topic of the conversation.

"That's not what I would teach them! I would be a good father!"

"We've seen it" said Laxus chuckling.

"Why do you always have to say bad things about me?" pouted Bickslow and his babies went to surround him trying to comfort him. "See? I can teach kids to be sensible and caring" he said indicating his dolls.

"Our papa is good!" said the babies.

Freed remained silent the whole time.

"Anyway Ever, you're a girl, so you can give me advice, do you think I should give her something tonight? Flowers, chocolate…?"

Before Ever could answer, Freed stood up, claiming that he'd go order something for them. They still had to have breakfast after all. A perfect excuse to spare himself a few minutes of that torture.

He walked towards the counter, avoiding flying chairs and a fire dragon's roar. He sat on a stool and Mirajane smiled towards him.

"Hello Freed! How are you today?"

"I'm fine, thank you"

"I'm glad that you and Laxus have made peace, you looked so happy when you two arrived this morning"

"Yes, I feel better now" another fake smile. "Anyway, may I order a few things?"

"Oh, yes! Sorry, what an airhead I am!"

"I appreciate your concern"

"All this and much more for family" she winked.

Then she took his order and left to prepare what he'd asked for.

It felt like the fakest conversation of his life.

Freed loved Mirajane. He truly did. And he truly appreciated her concern, her kindness. He liked her bubbly personality, the way she took care of everyone in there as if she were a mother. She had been the one who had led him to his redemption during the Fantasia fight. She had had mercy. She understood him. She was wonderful.

But all the good feelings and thoughts he had for her were now poisoned by jealousy and he hated himself because every time he was kind to her it felt as if he were playing a role. Every time she was kind to him if felt like the most hypocrite thing in the world.

He knew it wasn't true, that Mirajane really loved him and everyone else and that she wasn't pretending. But isn't it so funny when one of the indirect causes of your pain shows to care and says she wants to help you feel better?

His train of thoughts was interrupted by her. Speak of the devil... it really was an appropriate common saying for her. She offered to help him bring everything at his table. He wasn't sure if he wanted to, but in the end he accepted. He walked behind her and watched her waltzing through the tables with such a grace...he envied her. When they arrived, the conversation immediately died. They were still talking about that. Freed sighed in distress.

Mira smiled as usual and Laxus looked at her with heart-shaped eyes, enchanted by her beauty. As she left, Laxus watched her go away and gave his attention to his friends only when she disappeared in the kitchen.

Freed saw everything. His jaw was clenched and his hand was clutching Ever's.

"Freed haven't you ordered anything for yourself?" said Bickslow worried.

"I wasn't hungry" he said mechanically. If his stomach was already in knots before, now it hurt so much that he felt like he could easily throw up.

"You're losing weight man, you should eat something" Laxus said through a mouthful of food. "Here, have some fries" he proffered his plate.

"I'll have one" he reluctantly ate the potato stick. His stomach protested, but he ignored it. It wasn't the biggest pain he was feeling at the moment.

"I want some too!" exclaimed Bickslow gleefully reaching out in Laxus's plate, but the Dragon Slayer withdrew it before he could grab anything. "You've got your own food, you sponger"

"I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse" he said, lightly scratching his cheek.

"Let's hear"

"I'll give you some bacon and you give me some fries"

"Deal"

Bickslow knew that Laxus had a weakness for bacon. Freed and Evergreen silently watched the exchange before them. After he finished eating, Laxus told Freed what had been said during his absence. Not that he wanted to hear it, but he thought it was nice of him to fill him in.

"So, now I was thinking...what should I wear?"

"You shouldn't be too formal, it's not a date after all" said Evergreen knowing that her idol was expecting an answer from her.

"But not even too slovenly, you have to look good" said Freed. Self-sabotage. Nice.

Laxus thought about what he'd been told, but concluded that it wasn't helpful at all.

"I still don't know what to wear" he huffed. "How about you guys come over at my place in the afternoon? You'll help me get ready"

They agreed to meet at five o' clock.

After that Freed left, claiming that he had things to do at home. Evergreen and Bickslow wanted to follow him, but it would be too weird, so they remained for another while with Laxus.

"I'm concerned about him" he said after Freed closed the doors behind him.

"Why?"

"Have you looked at him? He isn't eating, nor sleeping"

"How do you know that?"

"He's skinnier. And this week I haven't seen him touching any food. Not that he has eaten much these past few months"

Precisely since Laxus had announced them that he liked Mirajane. But he hadn't noticed this 'coincidence'.

"Last night I slept at his place. I could hear him tossing and turning in the bed and waking up every hour for a bad dream or something. He cried in front of me before going to bed. He's got a problem"

Bickslow and Evergreen exchanged a look.

"You know what it is" stated Laxus.

Bickslow nodded. There was no point in hiding such an obvious thing.

"Please, tell me. I want to help him"

"You can't" said Evergreen sadly.

Laxus looked at her in shock. "What? Why?"

"We can't tell you. It's not our place to tell you what his problem is"

He stared at them silently, as if by looking at them he could gain some information, but to no avail. Angry, he stood up and left, going home There, he lit a cigar, he only did it when he was nervous. When had Freed lost trust in him? When had Ever and Bickslow? Had he done something wrong? Was it because of the war against Fairy Tail? And why the hell couldn't he help? Wasn't he allowed to, or wasn't he able to? Too many questions that left him worried and, honestly, hurt. He didn't want to force Freed to speak, but at the same time he needed to know what was upsetting his friend.

Freed had rushed at home a few hours earlier. He was heaving, anguished. Laxus was about to ask Mirajane to be his girlfriend and of course she was going to say yes, no one could say no to Laxus. And he was going to help him to conquer her, he was basically going to give him advice to break his heart. He looked at the half-packed suitcase lying on the floor. What in the world had possessed him not to leave? He resumed his job from where he'd let off and decided to leave that night, after helping Laxus get ready for her. He wouldn't go back on his promise. Besides, he needed to see him one last time.

He was emptying a drawer when he was interrupted by Bickslow and Evergreen calling him from outside the door. He closed the suitcase and hid it under the bed, then went and opened the door and greeted them with a smile. They came in sitting both on the couch in Freed's living room and he offered them something to drink. Bickslow took a coke and Ever a glass of orange juice. She set the glass on the little table in front of her seat and asked Freed how he was feeling.

"I feel like the most idiotic moron in the world" He chuckled for their puzzled looks and clarified. "Tonight I'll be doing something that goes against my own interest"

"You don't need to come tonight sweetie, we'll make an excuse for Laxus" said Evergreen.

"No, I'll come. I'll help him, I'm his best friend"

"But it will hurt"

"I know, but at the same time I'll be happy, because I'll help him gain his own happiness"

"Lie"

"Totally"

He smiled at their antics. "It is true. Partly. A very very minuscule part of my heart feels like this"

"Microscopic" said Ever.

"I'd say nonexistent, but ok, let's play pretend" said Bickslow.

"Yayyyy! Let's play!" cheered the babies but they went ignored.

"I'm not such a bad person"

"That's not being bad, it's being in love"

"Yeah, yeah"

"Anyway, I'm glad you will come" the Seith mage said seeming relieved.

"Uhh, thank you?" said Freed confused.

"We didn't want to say it before because we didn't want to influence you if you didn't feel like coming, but Laxus is pretty worried about you, so it's good you'll come" explained Evergreen.

"Worried? Why?"

"He has seen you, you don't look good at all!" exclaimed Bickslow.

"You're pale, you're getting thinner by the day and the dark circles around your eyes aren't invisible"

"Oh"

"Laxus is seriously worried, he said you cried last night"

That had him jerk his head up.

"What happened?"

"I was just happy that he'd come to apologize"

"Yeah, then what?"

"He realized that I'd been crying before and he was so gentle with me, concerned, he told me that we would fix everything together and I was still so tense about the fight and the whole situation with him that I couldn't stop myself"

Ever sighed and lay her head on Freed's shoulder, taking his hand in hers and brushing her fingers on it, back and forth. She could see and feel all the veins right under his skin. Laxus wasn't the only one who was worried.

They remained silent for a bit and then Freed rose from the couch saying that since it was 12 o'clock, they were invited for lunch. His teammates were happy for his proposal, Freed's cooking was delicious.

After eating Evergreen and Bickslow offered to do the washing-up, since Freed had cooked and he gladly agreed, waiting for them on the couch. Then they watched a bit of TV and seeing that there was nothing interesting, they put on a movie. When it finished, it was time to go to Laxus's.

Freed walked slowly in the streets, not at all ready to do what he was about to do, but eventually they arrived. A fidgety Laxus welcomed them.

"Hey, calm down man!" exclaimed Bickslow.

"I'm just so nervous…"

"It will go well, don't worry" said Ever with a reassuring smile.

"No guys, I can't do this. I won't talk to her"

This was right what Freed wanted to hear.

 _"Just how horrible can I be?"_ he thought, scolding himself.

"Why not?" asked Bickslow.

"I don't deserve her"

"What?" that came from Freed. Obviously.

"I've been a bastard. You remember how I treated her, right? How I treated you all? I still haven't forgiven myself, why should she have? I'm not worthy of her love"

"Laxus, everyone can make mistakes, but this doesn't make us evil. We would be evil if he didn't try to make up for our sins or feel guilty for them. You condemn yourself since all that happened. And you can't forgive yourself. I understand it. But you're a wonderful person inside, Laxus. And Mira knows it. Besides, she has forgiven you, everyone has. You have nothing to fear, nor anything to blame yourself for"

Upon hearing that, Laxus's heart felt so warm. "Thank you Freed" he smiled and it made Freed's heart skip a beat. He was hurting himself, but it was worth it.

"Now why don't you go take a shower while we pick your clothes?"

"Yes"

Just as Laxus disappeared in the bathroom, Ever hugged him tightly. He returned the embrace nestling his head in the crook of her neck and letting out a shaky breath. When he had calmed down a bit, he let her go and the three friends went in Laxus's bedroom, searching for appropriate clothes. They chose a white shirt, a dark blue vest, light blue jeans and brown shoes.

Ten minutes later Laxus got out of the shower and wore the things that had been prepared for him. Freed thought that he looked gorgeous. But when didn't he? Then he dried his hair and, after a few attempts, he gave up on trying to make those rebel strands stay back with the others instead than on his forehead. The rune mage passed him that cologne that always inebriated him and he sprayed some on himself. He was ready.

On the way to the guild they stopped by a florist to buy Mirajane a bouquet of lilies. Laxus knew that they were her favorite flowers. He was getting more and more nervous and when they arrived almost in front of the guild doors he abruptly stopped.

"Fuck, what the hell am I gonna say?"

"First of all, don't curse"

"I don't want to know what I mustn't say, I wanna know what I gotta say, Ever"

She snorted.

"Just be honest, tell her what you feel" said Freed.

He could have come up with a million things to say to the person he loved, but he was aware that words weren't Laxus's forte. He wanted to help him better, but he couldn't make up a declaration for him, he knew he would have spoken wearing his heart on his sleeve and that would just hurt him too much.

"Straightforward? Shouldn't I compliment her first?"

"I don't know, it would be good, but I'm afraid you might say something really stupid"

He felt offended by Evergreen's lack of trust, but he asked nonetheless, just to be safe. "Like what?"

"Uhh, I don't know, something like 'oh, you must have fallen from the sky, cuz you look like an angel'" she said making an imitation of a big oaf.

"Ahaha I was obviously not going to tell her something like this!" he lied.

_"Shit, what am I going to tell her now?"_

"Yeah, sure" she smiled knowingly. "Just tell her she has a nice dress, ok?"

"Ok. Thanks guys"

Laxus took a deep breath before pushing the big, wooden doors and entering the guild. Behind him, Freed was doing the same. Ever and Bickslow shot him a worried glance.

They sat at a table as Laxus approached Mira.

Freed was shaking. He was nervous, scared and didn't know what he wanted Mirajane to say.

"I'm a horrible person" he thought again.

In the meantime, Laxus had reached the bar counter. There, stood the woman of his dreams.

"Hello, Mirajane"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad news for everyone and drunken Raijinshuu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 30/03/2016)

"Hello, Mirajane" greeted Laxus.

"Hello Laxus!" she gave him a bright smile.

He remained silent for a bit before remembering Ever's advice. "You look really good in that dress" he blushed a bit.

"Thank you" she giggled.

"I need to talk to you, can we go somewhere where we can do it privately?"

"Of course, follow me"

Mirajane gestured for him to go after her and she brought him in a storage room in the back of the guild. There, not even the ears of the most curious Dragon Slayer could hear them. She couldn't get rid of a curious Raijinshuu though.

When they saw them disappear behind the bar, the three friends shared a look and sat in tense silence for a bit. Then, under Freed's request, decided to follow them. He didn't know if it would be better, but he wanted to see and hear what happened. Plus, he knew that Ever and Bickslow were dying to know too, and that if it weren't for him, they would have followed them right away. They hid behind a door and both Evergreen and Bickslow squeezed each of Freed's hands hard. He was trembling but gave them a smile. Not that they were reassured.

"Nice flowers Laxus, are you going on a date?" asked Mirajane with a grin.

"Uh, no...actually these are for you" he timidly held out the bouquet for her.

"Thank you!" she accepted them gleefully. "But what are they for?"

"It's about what I wanted to tell you…"

Freed's heart was about to burst out of his chest. Laxus's too.

"Look, I really like you. It's been a while and I my feelings for you are getting stronger everyday, so I decided to ask you: would you like to be with me?"

Freed's heart hurt. Badly. He couldn't breathe. But he had to resist, he had to hear her answer.

Mirajane looked at Laxus frozen in shock. "That was unexpected…"

Laxus remained silent, watching her inner debate with fear. He had never been that nervous in his whole life. His heart thumped loudly in his ears.

Then she turned to face him and he stared at her expectantly. She had a pained expression, it didn't bode well for him. He grew more anxious.

"Laxus...I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in you in that way" she lowered her head, almost ashamed, truly sorry for hurting his feelings.

"I...ok, don't worry. It's ok" he mumbled. It's not that he hadn't considered this scenario as a possibility, he just hoped that it wouldn't happen. His heart ached mimicking that of Freed.

Freed actually didn't know how to feel. His heart was split into two: the part that was kind of happy for him, Laxus being with Mirajane would have been a hard blow to bear, and the part that was sad for Laxus. Once again that day he felt awful.

Evergreen and Bickslow were pretty surprised by what had happened. Since Laxus was their idol, they certainly couldn't conceive that someone existed that wouldn't be screaming in joy at such a declaration from him. They either didn't know how to feel, if sorry for Laxus or happy for Freed. Not that it would fix his situation, but it would be a heartbreak fewer.

As they saw Mirajane walk to leave the room, to give Laxus some time alone, they ran away in the guild hall and sat at their previous table, still pretty shocked by what had happened.

"What's gonna happen now?" asked Bickslow.

"I have no idea..." answered Ever.

"I just hope he's not too crestfallen"

"You know first-hand how hard it is to deal with rejection"

"Everyone reacts differently, maybe he hasn't taken it so bad as me"

All three of them hoped so.

Laxus could have punched a wall. He wasn't mad at Mirajane, no one can force someone to love someone else, nor he was mad at Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow who had told him to go for it, they couldn't certainly know. He was mad at himself. He felt insufficient, inadequate, wrong. If he hadn't been how he was, maybe Mirajane would have liked him. Maybe he would have been a better person. But no, he had to be an ass and of course she would despise him, he was a sinner. He was grumpy, silent, boring, whereas she was funny, cheerful and interesting. He'd made so many mistakes. He'd hurt her. It had been foolish to think that she might like him.

_"Laxus...I heard from Freed...you've really started to take your comrades' wellbeing to heart...we won't forget your bravery…"_

Those words came only from her kindness. Nothing should have made him think that she might be interested in him or something, like Elfman was in Ever. She was just being a good friend.

He was so stupid. Delusional. The damn feelings had clouded up his mind.

After blowing off some steam, he thought for a second. Did he really want to change? Shouldn't someone love the other for what they are, unconditionally and all that cheesy stuff? His mind said yes, his heart said no. He had to regain his damn rationality. But not before drowning his sorrows in booze. Just for a bit.

He came back in the guild hall and saw Mirajane wiping the counter nervously. She probably felt bad. When he passed in front of her, she raised his gaze and saw him smiling up to her, as if telling her not to worry. She smiled back timidly, but felt even worse.

As he walked away towards his Raijinshuu her mind came back to her previous thoughts. Had she done the right thing? Maybe she should have thought about it better, she should have asked him a bit of time to reflect better. Maybe now he thought she was completely uninterested in his feelings and his wellbeing and had taken that decision very lightly. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

The point is, that it wasn't only about him and her, there was Freed in the middle. And she couldn't do this to him, especially not after what she'd heard the night before. She needed advice from the girls. All of them. That included Evergreen. And Bickslow. Even if he wasn't a girl. But she thought that being Laxus's closest friends, she would want to be there for him and that he'd need her. So she decided to organize a girls night at her place for the following day. Girls night + Bickslow. And maybe some other boy, masculine minds thought differently from feminine ones. They would be helpful.

Laxus walked to his table. The Raijinshuu looked at him concerned.

"I know you eavesdropped, it's useless to pretend you didn't" he said it with a sad smile, he would have been mad if it had been anyone else, but they could know everything about him.

"How are you feeling?" asked Freed, really worried.

"Can we get out of here?" it might not look like an answer, but they immediately understood. Too much awkwardness. He didn't want her to see him like that.

They all stood up and exited the building, Mira winced as the doors were slammed back into place.

Laxus walked in front of the group, silently. They loyally followed him until his steps came to a halt. "How about we go and eat something, huh?"

When Laxus was sad, unlike Freed, he would continuously be hungry. He already had a lot of appetite since he was a Dragon Slayer; in those moments, it was scary how much food he could gobble. Besides, if Freed continued brooding over his concerns and the bad things that happened to him, when things were still fresh and he still hadn't metabolized them so well, Laxus preferred much more distracting himself with pleasant activities that would keep his mind off certain things, or better said, a certain person. And really, what was better than a nice night spent with his best friends?

Knowing how Laxus worked, Evergreen, Freed and Bickslow nodded and accompanied him to his favorite restaurant. There he ordered a double portion of the whole menu. He devoured everything, plus the half eaten salad Freed had ordered. He wasn't hungry at all, as more feelings and thoughts weighed on his conscience. Among all the other things, he had thought about his project to leave that night, but he really couldn't abandon Laxus when he needed him the most.

After two hours at the restaurant, Laxus wanted to drink. But they certainly couldn't go to the guild where Mira was. Ever had heard that there was a new pub in town, they served drinks and had many dance floors where there were different genres of music, not only house and dance, but also pop, rock, Latin American and others. They went there and in half an hour they got so drunk.

Freed had become a little talking machine, and everything he said would make Laxus laugh his ass off. But, actually, he was doing it for every single thing that happened. Bickslow looked at himself in the various mirrors, not recognizing himself at all, and contemplated if he had to kiss that hot guy in front of him. Ever instead was getting pissed, because guys were basically trying to dry hump her and she hated it. She wasn't some skanky whore, plus, she wanted her own space when she danced, so she started elbowing everyone who got within a meter of distance. God, she'd brought three boys with her and none of them was being useful. She hated it when they were drunk. She hated everyone. She hated everything!

Music was really good in the pop dance hall, but they decided to change since they wanted to try them all. Laxus dragged everyone into the rock ballroom and god if he didn't love every second spent in there. Then they changed again and again, until they got in the slow dance room.

"It's soooo cheeeesyyy in hereeee!" Laxus laughed.

Bickslow loved the room, maybe he could finally approach that guy who had been following him all night and ask him to dance. "Let's stay! Just a dance and then we're out!" he screamed.

They all agreed.

But before he could get a dance with the guy he wanted, Ever grabbed him and pulled him close to her.

"Hey! Whatcha doin'?!" he asked, kind of annoyed.

"Do you want some perv stranger to dance with me? HUH?" she said it in an ominous tone.

Bickslow didn't notice. "But-" he started disappointed.

"You'll dance with your guy later!" she'd noticed he'd fallen in love with himself. "Make him jealous first!"

Bickslow's eyes lit up with mischief and he pulled her even closer, daiquiri in hand and challenging look towards his reflection. He was dancing with a girl too! Damn! He started lowering his hand towards Ever's ass, but she, noticing, slapped the offending limb and gave him a threatening glare.

"Sorry…" he mumbled in her ear sadly.

Not very far, Laxus was giving Freed one of the best presents ever: he was dancing with him.

Well, that wasn't dancing, it was more holding Freed close and spinning casually, not following any kind of rhythm while giggling for no reason. The rune mage, heard the rumbling laugh in Laxus's chest and started commenting.

"I really like it when you laugh you know? You should do it more often, you're always so broody, you should have fun, you're really nice when you smile, we're all happy when you're hap-"  
"HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" he erupted in a loud laughter. "Oh my god man! Please, stop it, you're too funny and my belly aches! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA!"

Freed smiled in bliss and remained silent for a bit, hugging Laxus and following his haphazard movements. Then the lighning mage drunkenly thought it would be nice to thank him for making his night so funny, so he decided to give him a quick peck on the cheek. That made Freed sober up a bit. He looked up to Laxus who saw him and tried to keep a straight face, but it was evident that he was trying to contain his laughter. He didn't manage to hold it for long.

"You should see your face! AHAHAHAAHAHAAHAH!"

Freed chuckled along with him, still too drunk to fully reflect on what had happened.

After another hour of dancing, they decided to go back home. Bickslow was the only one who disagreed.

"No! I gotta go back in! There's my soulmate in there!"

"Shuddup! It was you in a mirror!" said Evergreen annoyed.

"AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA he fell in love with himself, what a loser!" laughed Laxus.

"That's not true! I love him, lemme go in!" he whined.

"Bicks, you're making my head hurt, quit it!"

Ever could be very short-tempered when she got drunk.

Freed just chuckled at his friends' antics, he didn't want to talk anymore, he dreamily touched his cheek deciding that he would never wash it again.

They all crashed at Laxus's that night. Ever took the bed, Laxus the couch, Freed an armchair and Bickslow the bathtub. Early in the morning, Laxus woke up with a splitting headache, feeling sick. He ran to his bathroom and threw up, waking Bickslow up.

"Aww man, someone's trying to sleep in here!" he said annoyed covering his eyes with his arms, trying to shield them from the light.

"Fuck off!" exclaimed Laxus glowering at Bickslow when he had a moment to regain his breath.

"Be quiet! My head aches!" they heard Evergreen from the other room.

All the noise woke Freed up. He was the only one kind enough to actually help Laxus or be comforting. He held his forehead, caressed his back, passed him handkerchiefs and cleaned up the mess when he was done. After finishing, Laxus collapsed on the ground, sitting against the wall and with his head lolled to the side.

"Thanks Freed" he said in a raspy voice.

"No problem" he smiled sitting next to him.

"Now that you're done will you go away and let me sleep? I can't stand you being here acting like lovebirds"

"Shut up Bickslow!" said Freed with a hint of hysteria.

"Let's go and leave this prick alone" grumbled Laxus, but he wasn't really angry. He stood up and Freed followed him in the kitchen.

"Shall I take a pack of crackers for you? They'll help to make the bad taste go away"

"Yes, thanks" he held his head. It was in pain.

"Here" Freed held out the opened pack to him and he took it.

"Seriously, how do you do it?"  
"Do what?"

"You were as drunk as all of us last night and you're as tired as all of us and you probably have the same hangover as all of us but you aren't complaining and are acting as if you were ok"

"I just can handle this kind of things better, that's all" he smiled and took a seat next to his love.

"I admire your self-control"

He blushed. "Don't be exaggerated, it's nothing special"

"Not just in this particular case, in general"

"Oh, thank you"

"I wish I were more like you…"

"Believe me, you don't"

He smiled bitterly. "Maybe she would have liked me if I were like you"

He took a deep breath. He didn't know if he was ready to talk about that, but apparently he had to be. "Don't say this, Laxus"

"If she doesn't like me, there must be something wrong with me"

"Wrong?! Are you kidding?"

"No…"

"There is nothing wrong with you. If Mira doesn't…'appreciate' your characteristics, then _she_ isn't the right one for you. And you are not the right one for her. But this doesn't mean that you're wrong, none of you two are"

Laxus just looked down munching on his cracker.

Freed sighed and caressed his cheek so that he would look at him. "Laxus, there is someone...out there for whom you are...perfect. You just don't know them yet"

_"I'm right here. But I'm not perfect for you"_

"But I love her" he whispered and looked at him with big eyes that expressed all his sadness.

Crack. Why did it have to hurt so much?!

Freed took a sharp intake of breath. "I know. But you'll get over this. It takes time for a heart to heal, but it will happen"

He didn't even know why he was saying this when he was the first one who couldn't get over his love, even if he perfectly knew that he was hopeless.

"I really hope so"

"Don't you worry, you'll have me, Ever and Bicks to support you. We'll help you get out of this situation"

"Thank you"

After a bit Evergreen and Bickslow got up too, each with their own headache. They swore they would never drink a droplet of alcohol again. Freed had lost count of how many times thay'd already made that vow.

Freed decided to get started on breakfast and made scrambled eggs with bacon, hoping that at least his favorite food could cheer Laxus up a bit.

After making sure that their idol was fine, the Raijinshuu left to go back to their respective homes and get a shower, agreeing to meet up at the guild later.

The first one to arrive, shockingly enough, was Evergreen. Being always late she herself was surprised not to find her friends already waiting for her.

Just as she saw her, Mira approached her and asked how Laxus was doing.

"He's sad now, but he'll be fine"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you, the girls and Bickslow about my decision…"

"Oh" she said a bit confused. "Ok"

"Are you free tonight?"

"Yes"

"Then come to my place, there we'll talk"

"Ok". She wasn't very talkative when she didn't completely understand a situation. She just wondered what Mira could possibly want to say about her rejection. She didn't want to make fun of Laxus, did she?

"Can you tell Bickslow for me when you see him?"

"Yes"

"Thank you, Ever!"

She then walked away to serve Macao and Wakaba.

Evergreen waited impatiently for her teammates to arrive. She took a look at her phone lacrima and saw two unread messages from Laxus and Freed. They both said that they wouldn't come. She wasn't surprised in the least bit. Laxus certainly didn't want to see Mira. And Freed...well, it hadn't been an easy night for him either, he surely needed to clear his thoughts a bit.

She was getting annoyed at Bickslow's delay, she swore that as soon as he arrived she would smack him with her fan. She kept her promise.

"OUCH! What was that for?"

"You're late" she said fanning herself.

"But you always are and we never tell you anything!"

"I can do whatever I want. You can't"

He pouted still rubbing his nape.

"Freed and Laxus aren't coming"

"I knew"

"Did they text you too?"

"Yes, but I imagined it already"

"We have an invite for tonight"

"Tell me more..." he said faking sensuality.

She rolled her eyes, wondering how it was possible that he was always in the mood for playing, then told him about Mira's invitation and what the main topic of discussion would be.

"Just the two of us? Not even Freed?"  
"Considering it's her rejection we're going to talk about, I think she doesn't want him to hear"

"I guess you're right" he mused.

"I can't wait to know what she wants to tell us…"

"I thought you couldn't wait to see Elfman…" he teased.

"Shut up!" she shouted seemingly pissed. "He won't be there"

"I see disappointment?" he asked sticking his tongue out and winked.

"You should get yourself a pair of glasses" she muttered.

The night came fast and they arrived at Mira's. The other girls still hadn't arrived, there was only Lisanna was sitting on the couch, and Evergreen teasingly elbowed Bickslow who glared at her from behind his visor. But then it's not like he didn't go to sit on the couch next to her chatting as she played with his babies being just as childish as he was with them. He loved seeing her like that.

In the meantime Ever chatted with Mira, who had offered her a glass of wine. Not much later Lucy, Natsu, Erza and Wendy arrived.

"Wasn't it a girls night?" Ever asked.

"Well, there's Bickslow" Mira giggled nervously.

"Bickslow was an exception..."

"Natsu knows about Freed's situation too"

"It was about Laxus that we had to talk about, not Freed…"

"He's been involved in my decision"

The Fairy raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Let's wait for the others and then I'll explain" Mira smiled.

In around 20 minutes everyone else arrived and they sat in a circle in Mirajane's living room.

Evergreen and Bickslow were a little annoyed because there were so many people that were going to gossip about Freed and Laxus's feelings and well, they were all Fairy Tail mages, family, but some things should remain confidential. Then they thought that Mirajane was much more intimate than them with pretty much anyone in the guild, so it was no surprise that she would trust all of these people way more than they did.

"So, I invited you all here bacause of my decision of rejecting Laxus"

Everyone stared at her intently.

"I'd like to explain my reasons and ask you if you think that I did the right thing"

"Why wouldn't you do the right thing? I mean, if you don't like him it's only right to reject him" said Lucy.

"Yes, but...I might have hurt his feelings. I don't want him to think that I made this decision lightly or that I don't care, but talking to him about this would just be weird and would probably raise false hopes"

She looked at Ever and Bickslow as if expecting something from them, but Ever only asked: "Why did you tell me that Freed was involved?"

Mirajane sighed in distress. Everyone was looking at her, eager for her to answer.

"I couldn't do this to him. I couldn't be Laxus's girlfriend after what he said"

_"What will I do if he gets a girlfriend, if he talks about her, if I see him kissing her, if they get married? I already died inside when he told me he was in love with someone"_

It was hard to forget such words.

Evergreen understood and her face expressed perfectly her "Oh, fuck"

"Would you like us to tell him this? Is it why you called us here?" asked Bickslow with a bit of annoyance.

Mirajane lowered her head. "No...I mean, it would hurt him, but…"

"Wait, wait, wait…" cut her off Cana. "Do you like Laxus?"

Mirajane remained silent.

"Mira, answer, please" said Erza.

Evergreen and Bickslow watched her in disbelief.

"I do like him a little. He's changed so much and if there weren't Freed I honestly would have given him a chance"

"But Freed-san loves him…" mused Wendy worried.

"That's the point sweetie" Mira smiled sadly.

"What are we gonna do now?!" asked Bickslow exasperated as Lisanna gently rubbed his back.

"We really have a tough nut to crack here…" Levy thought aloud.

Juvia sobbed in a corner. "Juvia is so sad for Freed. He truly loves Laxus but now he has a love rival...and the love rival likes Laxus too, so now Freed has become a love rival!"

"I can't be with Laxus. Even if I wanted to, Freed deserves to be with him more than me. He loves him more than me"

"But Laxus doesn't want him…" said Natsu and a fresh wave of tears from Juvia catapulted him in the kitchen.

"My, my..could you please not flood my house?"

"Juvia is sorryyyy"

Gray huffed and went to comfort her.

"If you hurt greenie this much by being with Laxus then I guess you made the right choice"

"But she's hurting herself!" retorted Levy and Gajeel grunted annoyed, hating to be contradicted, even if it was the Shrimp. Well at least he didn't feel like killing her like he would with everyone else.

"My feelings aren't important, Laxus's are"

"You should care about what you want too, Mira-nee"

"I do, but this is not the best moment to do that"  
"Ok, let me get this straight" chimed in Cana. "If you get with Laxus, you hurt Freed. But if you don't you hurt Laxus"

"And herself" added Lisanna.

"Can't this get more complicated?! Someone else who's in love with them?" said Bickslow hysterically.

Evergreen glared at him and he mumbled an apology.

"Bisca, you're older than all of us and have experience...what should we do?" asked timidly Kinana.

"I'm sorry, I don't know. We should figure out who would get hurt the most"

"Definitely Freed" stated Bickslow.

"Then I should be quiet with Laxus"

"I think that it would hurt Freed more if he knew that he's being the only thing that's preventing this relationship to happen" commented Evergreen.

"Then don't tell him" said Mira.

"But what about Laxus's feelings?" asked Lucy.

"And yours?" added Levy.

"I'm strong, I'll survive this. Plus, my feelings aren't as strong as Freed's" answered Mira. "I don't know about Laxus though…"

"He's stronger than Freed, but hurt nonetheless" came the reply from Evergreen.

"Is it right to sacrifice two people's happiness for the one of one single person?" wondered Erza.

"It's not like he'd be happy anyway, Light Bulb still wouldn't want him" commented Gajeel.

"Yes, but Freed would be devastated"

"There's no solution to this!" whined Juvia.

"In the end we're the ones stuck in the middle" sighed Bickslow.

Evergreen explained for him: "We're the best friends of both Laxus and Freed. We want the happiness of both of them. Sure, Freed suffers, but we don't want Laxus to feel like this either, especially if he could be happy with Mira. So it's up to us to choose"

All the people in the room looked at them with pity, no one would like to be in their shoes.

The evening passed and eventually everyone went home. Bickslow and Evergreen walked together in the streets wondering what they had to do. They loved both of their friends and had the possibility to make one of them happy and let the other suffer. Besides, Mira had become a responsibility of theirs too. They decided to take a few days to think about it better, but they knew that soon they'd have to make a choice.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laxus berates himself, Freed falls ill on a job and Ever and Bickslow tell him about Mira's feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 17/04/2016)

After his friends left, Laxus felt immensely alone. He would never get tired of them and would have wanted them to stay more, but he understood that after the previous night they needed to head back home. It wasn't like it comforted him in the slightest.

The loneliness just got more emphasized by the thought of Mirajane. He went in his room and threw himself on the bed, with his face buried in the pillows. Then he wrapped himself in the duvet. That way, he could pretend that the warmth came from another person. Bickslow, Freed, Evergreen...or even Mirajane herself. He used to do that thing when he was a little kid. He had started doing it after his mother's death, pretending that the big, fluffy and warm covers were her safe arms encircling him. Then, growing up, he pretended that it was his father. And he was ashamed of it. But when you don't have a good relationship with the only parent you have left, life isn't that easy and sometimes you just wish that the situation were better and to feel loved.

Then the Raijinshuu arrived and the loneliness always disappeared when he was with them. Since when he realized to like Mirajane and then fell in love with her, they kind of weren't enough anymore though. Not that he didn't enjoy their company, it wasn't that at all. But now, rather than spending the whole day with them, let's say that he would spend half of it with her. It was a shame that she didn't feel the same way. He turned to lay on his side and curled in a ball, closing his eyes. He thought again about himself, if he was wrong for her, if she was wrong for him, if any of them was wrong or if Freed was right and no one was wrong. That was too complicated. He wondered if he'd done something to hurt her other than the battle of Fairy Tail and if she'd actually forgiven him for that. He tried to put himself in her shoes and remembered that time when he'd made her cry during the Phantom Lord attack. He felt terrible. Of course she didn't want him. Of course he didn't deserve her. He huffed, annoyed. He was wrong inside, not just for her. A bastard, a cruel man. He remembered that there was a time in which he had despised her, she had wasted her powers to be a simple barmaid. He still thought that it was a waste, but didn't despise her anymore, he wondered how such a sentiment could even cross his mind while thinking about her.

His heart beat fast, he didn't know if it was because she was his only thought in that moment or because he was nervous or because he was mad at himself. He just knew that he'd screwed up. And not just in the past, he should have never told her about his feelings. He couldn't even think to show up at the guild without feeling extremely ashamed, let alone order something or even look at her. Not necessarily in the eye. Arghh why was he so damn stupid? He had ruined everything. Not that there was much closeness between them, he had kind of always admired her from afar, but the simple thought that she knew embarassed him. The fact that she had rejected him hurt him. And the fact that she was embarassed made him want to be six feet underground. God, why was he so emotional?! Ok it was set, he wouldn't show up at the guild that morning. He texted Ever, Bickslow and Freed to tell them. He actually didn't think he would show up there anytime soon. Or ever again. He could go back to Blue Pegasus. Yeah, he would have to avoid Ichiya, but it wouldn't be so bad. Even entertaining girls didn't seem so awful. He wasn't shuddering just thinking about it. No.

But he couldn't cheat on Mirajane. Not that she had any claim over him, nor did he on her, but it felt bad. It felt already so weird to flirt with girls he liked, it felt unnatural to do it as a job, it was even more if he had to do it with a stranger, and now he would have to do it with another girl in mind? His sanity would be lost before the end of the first week. Not that he hadn't lost it already. No, not in the past. Well, he had too, but that was another kind of thing. Seriously, who could ever ignore that little thing in your mind called conscience that tells you what's right and what's not? Only a crazy person. Why hadn't he listened to it when it said: "You suck, she'll never like you"?

Damn feelings! Giving him hope when he had none. Why did he have to feel so sad and empty? Why would his chest ache like that? Was he getting a heart attack? He would expect anything from his body by now. He huffed again, distressed. He didn't think that his reaction to a rejection would be anxiety. It was like a kick in the gut. No, in the chest. Not that his gut felt much better in that moment, but the feeling of his heart sinking was too disturbing to let him care about other things. And now he was getting a new headache. Great.

He got up, heading to the kitchen. He had eaten scrambled eggs around an hour earlier, but he was already starving. It worked like that when he was nervous. The day went on like that for him. Pacing back and forth from the kitchen to the bed and vice versa, thinking about things and regretting every single one.

Freed's day hadn't been much better. He had left Laxus's home feeling pretty dizzy. It was a mixture of hangover and emotions, not a very good combination. He'd made it at home and took a long shower, trying to relax under the spray of hot water. It only made him more sleepy. Not that he could sleep anyway. He went to bed and decided to text his friends to tell them that he was tired and that he didn't feel like going to the guild. In that moment he saw Laxus's message and noticed that he had had the same idea. He informed Ever and Bickslow of his absence and then all traces of sleepiness were gone. After that message too many thoughts were swirling in his mind: was Laxus ok? Was he embarassed? Did he feel sick for something? How was he dealing with Mirajane's rejection? Did he need someone to be there with him? Or maybe he wanted to be alone? Could he do something to help? Freed fought the urge to go to Laxus's again. The most important question though, was how was he feeling about everything?

The rune mage was torn apart. He was extremely worried about Laxus, he perfectly knew how it felt to be rejected and it wasn't a nice feeling. Not at all. He wished he could be there to comfort his love, to be able to make everything alright, but he knew that the only person who could fix things was Mirajane. He was genuinely shocked when he heard her say that she wasn't interested in a relationship with Laxus. If he were in her shoes, he would have been overjoyed, maybe jumping and sommersaulting out of happiness, but certainly rejecting Laxus was the last thing he would have done. And now the blonde mage was certainly suffering, Freed just hoped that his thunder god didn't feel how he did, because it would be devastating for both of them. The rune mage certainly didn't want to see his love in the pitiful state he was in. It would be too much to bear. He would be powerless then. Once again his mind reminded him that the only one who had the power to make Laxus feel better was Mirajane. He groaned. He thought that that woman was crazy. It was so easy to love Laxus, Freed failed to understand how it was possible that she wouldn't feel as he did for him. He kind of resented her actions, she had hurt Laxus. But at the same time there was a tiny ounce of gratefulness in his heart and he felt like the most horrible being in the universe.

He was a traitor, being happy for his best friend's, his love's, heartbreak, just because that way he wouldn't be forced to see and listen to things he didn't want to even know. He hated himself, how could he harbor such monstrous feelings? He felt terribly guilty and whimpered, because he didn't know what he wanted. Well, he knew, but Laxus loving him and being happy with him just wasn't happening and he had to be realist and objective and he didn't know what to think or how to feel and act. He guessed that he wanted Laxus to be happy, nothing more. The dull happiness for his rejection was just a little white stain in the tissue of his heart, that didn't matter compared to the huge amount of blackness it was soaked in. His whole body ached, for different reasons. Emotions, malnutrition and insomnia, or to sum it up, depression, had started to take their toll on his body. He thought about taking some painkiller, but remembered that they didn't work anymore. He tried to ignore his body, as he always did lately. He still didn't know how risky it could be though.

The following day the Raijinshuu had to go on a mission. Freed was the first to arrive at the guild. Not managing to sleep, there was no reason to stay in bed till late. He was the only one in the building other than Mirajane for a long while. The woman seemed a bit fidgety around him, but didn't do anything other than say her usual hello and ask him how he was. He replied with his usual "I'm fine", it had become a habit by now. He, too, felt a little bit uneasy around her, but couldn't find it in his heart to feel hatred or hold a grudge against her. He loved her like he would a sister. He gave her a small smile, ignoring the fact that his head was spinning and she seemed to relax a bit. He felt relieved. He didn't want awkardness to be between them, nor distance and hard feelings. No one was at fault for anything.

Mira wasn't fine at all. She was the reason why Laxus didn't see Freed. Well, it wasn't like Laxus was gay or bisexual and if he hadn't liked her, he would have liked Freed, but her feelings prevented her from accepting that rational thought. She just wanted to cry and hug Freed and tell him that she was sorry, but opted not to do it. She didn't know how the man would react, if he was mad at her. That smile of his calmed her a bit, but he had always had that technique, smiling around other people, being reassuring and reserved, even if there was a storm of feelings raging inside him. All for the sake of not making anyone worried, even if it was evident that he was a wreck.

She was still debating if she had to approach him and tell him something, but other people arrived and she preferred not doing anything, too many curious eyes and ears. Then Evergreen and Bickslow showed up, visibly worn out too. They probably hadn't had a very pleasant night and it was all her fault. Nonetheless, they acted normally with her, in their usual friendly way, and it almost broke her heart. Then they left, telling her that they were going on a mission. An S-class one. So that meant that Laxus would be there too. And he hadn't shown up at the guild. Was he avoiding her? God, she hoped not. That put her extremely on edge. Oh, what had she done? She hoped that the situation could be fixed, one way or another. She trusted Evergreen and Bickslow to do what was best. Even if it went against her interest.

The three friends had met Laxus outside the guild. He had thought about going in, but in the end he'd chickened out and decided to stay out. As he saw Freed, he frowned. In the sunlight he looked even paler than usual. His eyes were red and half-lidded, he wondered if it was for the lack of sleep, if he had cried or if he was stoned.

Freed had thought about drugs every now and then, morphine, to be more precise. It would have eased the pain, mental and physical, but then he thought that he didn't want to risk becoming a junkie, he already had enough problems.

At the guild Bickslow and Evergreen had noticed his state too and had asked how he'd spent the day before. He'd told them how he felt and the conclusions he'd got to and they both immediately understood that they had to tell him about Mirajane. Not before the mission though. They couldn't add this to the whole thing, not then.

Out of the guild, they'd noticed Laxus's worried expression, but didn't say anything. The four walked silently to the train station, then took the train. Ever and Bickslow were sitting across Laxus and Freed. As soon as the train started moving, the symptoms of Laxus's motion sickness started to affect him and he tensed up, sweating a bit. Freed offered him to lay his head in his lap, knowing that the position helped the Dragon Slayer feel better. Laxus gratefully accepted and from his place he observed Freed intently. The rune mage stared absent-mindedly out of the window, keeping a hand on Laxus's shoulder, with his arm across his chest. Freed was aware that he was being watched, and even if his whole body ached as if his muscles had been put under a strain, the light bothered him and his head was killing him, he tried not to show it. Then he closed his eyes, pretending to fall asleep, at least he would shield them from the obnoxious sunlight, but Laxus knew that his friend wasn't sleeping, his breathing wasn't even and shallow and his heartbeat was as fast as before.

Around noon Evergreen and Bickslow claimed that they were going to take something to eat and asked Freed if he wanted something. They didn't ask Laxus because they knew that he would obviously refuse. Much to his friends' surprise, Freed said that he'd have a sandwich. He didn't want to make Laxus worried. When they came back with the food, Laxus watched Freed eat. He heard his stomach growl in protest, but Freed's face was stoic. His chewing had got slower though, and his breaths deeper. Every bite made Freed want to throw up and at a certain point he couldn't help his face scrunching up in disgust. He fought the urge to retch and kept swallowing, holding his stomach. Laxus watched the scene with worry. What the hell was happening to Freed? He was scared. Plus, he didn't want vomit on his face. Maybe they had to go back home, in those conditions his friend wouldn't be able to face an S-class mission.

"Freed"

The man in question straightened his face in the best way he could and looked down to Laxus.

"As soon as we get off this train we're taking another one to Magnolia"

"What?"

"You're in no condition to fight"

"I'm perfectly fine"

"Then finish that sandwich"

Just looking at it Freed could throw up.

"It's just a bit of stomachache, nothing more"

"A stomachache that's been lasting for months, I suppose"

That cutting remark made Freed nervous and Laxus saw it. He was about to question Freed further about his problem, but then the train stopped and they had to get off. On the platform, Laxus ordered the rune mage to go make the tickets to Magnolia, but he refused.

"Freed, don't argue with me" he said raising his voice a bit.

"Of course I will argue with you, there's no need to go back home". Laxus gave him a look, but he pointedly ignored it and went on: "What about Fairy Tail's honor? We can't risk ruining its reputation by accepting a mission and not completing it"

That made the blonde mage wince. It was true, Fairy Tail's reputation was important too. He wouldn't have started a war if he hadn't cared about it at all.

"Ok, we'll stay" he decided.

At the hotel Evergreen was the only one that had her own room. That was just one of the many advantages that came with being the only woman of the group. Freed, Laxus and Bickslow, instead, shared a triple room, as always. Just as they reached it Bickslow undressed himself, curled up in the bed and cradled his babies, falling asleep in no time. It wasn't as easy for Laxus and Freed, who lay wide awake in bed the whole night, Freed unable to sleep due to his usual problems, Laxus kept up by his concern for Freed and occasional thoughts of Mirajane. Needless to say, the following day they both were pretty tired, but Laxus didn't nearly feel as bad as Freed did. One sleepless night was nothing compared to dozens of them and lack of nutrients in your system.

Laxus wanted Freed to remain in the hotel, still convinced that he was in no condition to fight, but the greenette once again had his way: it was required the presence of a rune mage to complete the mission. Laxus decided that he would never let Freed choose a mission anymore.

Their task was not too hard, not with Laxus anyway. They had to take down a dark guild, but the problem was that they had a tricky rune mage, that was why Freed was essential. He dispelled the runes that protected the guild pretty easily, but immediately felt a huge drain, and found it hard to keep using his magic. He followed his friends in the building and undid all the rune traps scattered in their path, he wanted to transform into his demon form, but chose not to, because otherwise the magic drain would have been too much and he wouldn't have been able to do more necessary things, like creating rune barriers to shield his team and himself from the attacks. In a short span of time, though, he was exausted and almost drained of all of his magic. He saw double and his muscles burnt and shook under his weight. His runes became unstable. Laxus, Bickslow and Evergreen saw him fall on his knees, luckily he hadn't taken many blows, but he looked like as if he were about to die. Since they were distracted they didn't see a massive blow of energy flying towards them and Freed had to create a huge wall of runes to protect them all. He was failing to do it though, his head was spinning and he could throw up any moment, he was about to scream for the pain in his muscles that wouldn't hold on for much longer and the barrier was weak, despite all of his efforts. Evergreen, Bickslow and Laxus canalized some of their magic into him, so that the wall would resist and he wouldn't feel that tired. The rune barrier was about to crumble when the attack ceased and Freed fainted in Bickslow's arms.

Laxus was seething. The reasons were various, he was mad about Freed being in that state, about not knowing the cause of it, about being unable to do a single fucking thing to help him and about him passing out because of the damn dark guild. He ordered Bickslow and Evergreen to get out of the building and bring Freed in a safe place. He went berserk on the whole guild, members and building, until just dust was left. He couldn't have done that with the Raijinshuu around, because they would have got caught by his attacks, but with them away he could unleash his powers and quench his fury. Evergreen and Bickslow watched the guild crumble down and heard screams of pain and pleas for mercy from afar. Freed was still unconscious. When Laxus reached them, covered in dust, they went to the nearest hospital. There they took care of Freed and then of their bruises. Thanks to him they had only minor injuries, nothing bad. The doctors told them that Freed was extremely weakened and needed to rest. He was highly malnourished and they would keep him sedated so that he would gain some sleep. The worst part though, was that because of the massive struggle that his body had endured, there was the 95% of chances that he wouldn't be able to use his magic anymore.

Laxus, Evergreen and Bickslow went in his room and the sight that welcomed them was not pleasant at all. Freed was laying in the bed, with his arms out of the covers and the bandaged chest visible. Its rising and falling was so slight that it was almost invisible. He had a few band aids on his face and IVs in his arms, but the most disturbing thing was the oxygen mask. Was he so weak that he couldn't even breathe on his own?

At the sight of all that, plus the bad news they'd just received, Evergreen burst into tears and cried in Bickslow's chest. His babies wailed with her. The Seith mage tried to comfort her, but the sight hurt him as well and he tried to look away, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut. Laxus went to Freed's bedside and took one of his hands in his. He looked at him mute and expressionless. That meant that he was in deep thought.

When Evergreen stopped crying and both her and Bickslow came closer, Laxus shifted his gaze on them and stared at them sternly.

"You _must_ tell me what the fuck is wrong with him" he hissed.

They were tempted to do it, but they wouldn't betray Freed's trust.

"He has to tell you Laxus, we can't" said the Fairy.

The lighting mage tried hard to keep calm, but was failing miserably.

"You saw where this big secret has led him" he indicated his limp form.

"It's not like you could prevent this"

"You can't know"

"He asked us not to tell anything to anyone, including you, we will respect his wish. Once he's awake you'll ask him and he'll decide if he wants to tell you or not" Bickslow said resolute, and it was final.

The next few days passed in tense silence and Bickslow and Evergreen had the time to reflect on their previous decision. Was it the right choice to tell Freed about the whole Mira issue after what had happened?

Many times they'd seen Laxus dialing her number on his lacrima phone or secretly watching her in one of the pictures of the guild that he kept in his wallet. The latter might have looked a bit creepy, but it showed how much he missed her and needed her. She was probably the only one who could soothe him a little, but he couldn't muster the courage to actually call her. He was getting more nervous and irritable by the day. Not that he was actually mad at his teammates. The possibility that Freed might not be able to use his magic anymore was gnawing at his mind. It was his fault, he should have been more firm when he'd told him to go back, so that he wouldn't argue. Fairy Tail was important ok, but Freed's life and magic were way more. He was his best friend. And he didn't even know what his problem was. He should have digged more, he should have realized sooner that he wasn't ok. Or maybe gained his trust. Dammit. But actually, he thought that he already had it. Dammit. Again.

After three days the doctor interrupted the sedation and told them to wait for Freed to wake up. He did a few hours later and felt a weight on his face. He tried to lift an arm to take it away, but it weighed a ton and he couldn't move it. Only then he registered the presence and voices of his best friends.

"Freed woke up!" It was Laxus.

"Freed! How are you?" Evergreen.

"Hey Freed, can you hear us?!" Bickslow.

He wearily blinked and slowly turned his face to his right. There he was, in all his splendor, his love.

"Hey Freed..." he said softly.

The rune mage smiled and tried to speak, but his voice came out very low.

"I'll call the doctors and ask them if we can take this thing off" announced Ever, referring to the mask that had disturbed her so much since the first moment she had seen it on her friend's face.

The squad of doctors arrived in no time and they released Freed from the offending object, checked on him and said that he was fine.

The first thing the rune mage asked for after they left was water. His mouth and throat felt like sandpaper. He tried to sit up, but was still too weak and Laxus helped him in that task while Bickslow placed two fluffy pillows behind his back. He chuckled for the royal treatment.

"We were really scared" said Evergreen.

"I'm sorry you had to worry about me and that my recklessness has put your lives at risk"

"The important thing is that you're ok now"

"Ok! Ok!" exclaimed the babies, once again cheerful.

Laxus was still a little bit tense and was thinking about asking his friend about his problem, but he really didn't want to kill the mood and wanted to enjoy the feeling of having him back.

None of the three had the courage to tell him that there was the possibility that he wouldn't be able to use his magic anymore. Magical strain deficiency. That's what the doctors had called it. They had told them if they preferred to tell him, since they were his friends and they accepted, thinking that they would have had more tact. Maybe it would have been better if they had left that task to the doctors. They didn't want to give Freed the bad news. Then there was that 5% of possibility that his magic was still there and ready to be used. There was no point in scaring him for no reason, right?

The following day they went back home and Bickslow and Evergreen grew tenser by the second. They had to tell Freed that thing. Laxus and Mirajane could be happy and it wasn't like Freed could get any sadder or gain happiness if those two weren't together. Plus, he would get really mad if he got to know that they knew that and hadn't told him.

When they parted ways with Laxus to go each to their respective home, they stopped Freed and told him that there was something that he needed to know. Upon seeing their serious faces, Freed was a bit startled, but asked them what it was.

"You remember Mirajane rejecting Laxus, right?" started Bickslow uneasily.

Freed nodded raising a questioning eyebrow to his friend's question.

"Well, she actually didn't want to"

Ok, now he was confused.

As usual, Evergreen had to make things clearer. "The day after Laxus confessed, Mirajane invited us and other people from the guild to her place because she wasn't sure if she had made the right decision, she was afraid of hurting Laxus's feelings and all"

Freed gestured for her to continue. He knew that it wasn't just that.

Evergreen sighed in distress and went on: "Lucy told her that if she didn't Laxus it was only right to reject him, but then Mira made us understand that she actually likes Laxus"

His heart started beating fast, the thumps deafening him. "Why would she say no, then?" he breathed out.

Ever hesitated and Bickslow, always very delicate, spat out: "Because of you!"

He looked at them in shock.

Ever took his shaking hands in her and tried to say it with more tact: "Honey, she said no because she knows how you feel for Laxus and thinks that you deserve to be with him more than she does because your feelings are stronger than hers and didn't want to hurt you more than you already are"

Freed was heaving. Hyperventilating.

 _"I am the only obstacle to Laxus's happiness"_ he thought. And that sentence repeated itself in his mind, continuously, making him cry, wanting to disappear. He dug his nails into his scalp and tried to think what to do.

"I have to go talk to Mira" he stated.

"What do you want to tell her?!" his friends asked in unison.

Freed didn't answer and started striding to Mirajane's, then he took to running.

_"She did it for me. She could be happy with Laxus and he with her, but my simple presence has deprived them of this joy. What kind of parasite am I? I was even happy. Me, the cause of everything. I am pure evil. A monster playing the role of a victim. I have to go away before I poison everything and everyone I love"_

His steps came to a halt in front of Mirajane's door and he knocked as gently as he could. If he had used all his strength he would have prbably torn the place down. Luckily, even if it was evening, it wasn't time to go to sleep yet. A still fully dressed Mirajane opened the door. As she asked Freed why he was crying he threw his arms around her and hugged her tightly apologizing profusely.

"Why are you saying you're sorry? What's wrong?"

Then she saw Evergreen and Bickslow arriving and understood. Freed pulled away from her.

"They have just told me everything. I'm sorry to be a hindrance to your relationship with Laxus"

"Freed, you're not a hindrance"

"I am. If it weren't for me you would have told him yes"

This time she didn't reply. She wouldn't have phrased it that way, perhaps a little less crude, but it was the truth.

"I thank you, I really am grateful to you, for trying to preserve my wellbeing. I know it must have been easy to repress your feelings just because you thought that mine were stronger. But please, you two deserve to be happy. Together"

"But you love Laxus"

"It doesn't matter. He doesn't love me, so why considering my feelings if they would go to waste anyway?"

His words seemed to strike her.

"Mira, feel free. Be with him, love him, make him happy. You have the power to make his life better"

"What will you do?"

"I don't know, but I certainly don't want to be an obstacle to your happiness"

"You-"

"Please Mira" he interrupted. "Do every single thing I would want to do but can't. For me"

Mirajane was finally convinced. She felt terrible, because she knew that Freed would feel awful, but at the same time she couldn't wait to go to Laxus and tell him that she wanted to be with him. As if reading her thoughts, Freed urged her to go right then and she did. His heart was completely shattered at the thought of what was about to happen, but he felt that he was doing the right thing.

He left the place asking to be left alone. For once, his friends complied.

At home, he finished to pack all his belongings. He was leaving for good that night.

Mirajane was finally at Laxus's. He was sitting on his couch with a beer to relax a little after the trip in the train, when he heard someone knocking at the door. He opened it and was surprised to find Mirajane.

"Hi Mira" he blushed.

"Hi Laxus" her cheeks were red too and he took notice of that.

"Come in and take a seat, you look tired"

She did as she was told and sat on a stool in Laxus's kitchen.

"I am, actually. I ran to come here"

"Why would you do that?"

"I need to tell you something important"

She looked excited, rather than serious, and he was getting impatient.

"What is it?"

"I thought about your proposal and realized that maybe my answer was a bit too rushed. So, if the offer is still valid, I would like to be your girlfriend" she said beaming.

Laxus stood there like an idiot for a second.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, silly!"

He ran to hug her, almost crushing her in his arms.

"You know you're making me the happiest man in the world, right?"

She thought that at the same time she was making Freed the saddest man in the world and held onto him a tighter. He looked at her concerned and asked if everything was ok.

"Yes" she wiped away a stray tear. "I'm just so happy"

Laxus grinned giddily and loosened his grip on her. Then he looked at her and she returned his gaze and the kiss that followed felt like the most natural thing in the world.

In the meantime Freed was at the guild with all of his bags and suitcases. He wanted to see one last time the place that had been his home for so long and say a proper goodbye. Then, he had to tell Makarov that he would no longer be a member of Fairy Tail. It was hard, very hard. But he had to do that, for Laxus's and his own sake. He wouldn't think about it again, he couldn't risk going back on that decision.

Makarov was sleeping in his room and Freed felt bad to wake him up, but he needed to. The old man groggily sat up and asked: "What's wrong my child?" Then, noticing the bags "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving. Forever" he whispered.

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't ask me this" he pleaded.

"Ok" said the old man sorrowfully. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I wouldn't want to leave Fairy Tail, but it's the only thing I can do"

"My child, if there's something we can do to help, don't hesitate to ask, you know we're a big family and that the problem of one of us becomes the problem of all of us"

"No, Master. There isn't" said Freed curtly, with his jaw clenched. He couldn't change his mind.

Makarov sighed in distress. It was never nice to let one of his children go.

"Remember Freed: who leaves Fairy Tail has to follow three rules. One: you must never reveal any sensitive information about Fairy Tail to outsiders, as long as you live! Two: you must never use the clients you met through the guild to achieve personal gain! Three: though our paths may differ, you must always live out your life with all your might! You must never consider your own life to be insignificant! Never in your life must you forget the friends you held dear!"

Freed was outright crying by the end of Makarov's speech. "Thank you...for everything" he sobbed and hugged the old man who teared up as well. Then he watched the mark on his hand slowly disappear and it felt as if a part of him was going away with it. He felt emptied.

"Farewell" he said, with his voice broken. Then he turned away and slowly walked out of the guild.

He turned to look at the building once more and whispered: "I'll miss you all..."

Then he went to the train station. There he would take a train that would bring him in another town to start a new life.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories and more memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 9/05/2016)

On the train, Freed tried to do his best not to cry in front of other people, but found it very hard. Small, silent and contained sobs wrecked his body, and tears he refused to shed filled his eyes. He was leaving everything he'd loved in the last 10 years: Fairy Tail, his job, his home, his family, his team, his best friends, Laxus...all for a stupid love that his even stupider hope kept nourishing. Was it even worth it? He should have been stronger, from the very beginning. Maybe then he wouldn't have been forced to leave his life and abandon everything he cared about.

He thought that maybe he could try to distract himself with something. A book? No, his sight wasn't that good lately, blurry, double, plus he really couldn't concentrate. And he was too tired. He then took out from one of his bags his own Sound Pod. Laxus wasn't the only one who possessed one. Freed loved music too, just like the blonde mage, it was one of the many things that had brought them closer. He remembered the first time he'd played for him.

_Freed loved musical instruments and, since he was a kid, he had played the violin. He'd even won a few contests before moving to Magnolia. Laxus didn't seem too convinced that he would like Freed's little performance, he liked rock 'n' roll. It wasn't like he hated other kinds of music or didn't listen to them, but classical music? That's what you play with violins, right? Well, nah. But his best friend had insisted so much that he couldn't deny him his attention. Ahh, the things he did for friends..._

_The rune mage remembered himself smirking as Laxus's eyes widened when he heard fast notes resounding from his violin. The lightning mage followed enthralled the rapid movements of Freed's slender fingers playing Thunderstruck by AC/DC. On a violin._

_That earned Freed Laxus's undying respect. It didn't have the same intensity and power as an electric guitar with the whole band, but Freed had managed to masterfully play THAT song on a tiny, puny instrument such as a violin. Maybe violins weren't so bad. Or maybe it was all Freed's doing. Yeah, probably that._

_Freed was actually the type for classical music, as one, including Laxus, would expect. But he, too, liked other kinds of music, and rock 'n' roll was no exception. Thunderstruck then, was not a casual choice if he had to play for the lightning mage. He perfectly knew that it was his favorite song. Then the name was Thunderstruck. Come on, it was perfect. And Laxus's expression was priceless._

Taking refuge in old memories maybe wasn't the best thing Freed could do. It was just so painful, remembering things that would never happen again and people that he would never meet again. Maybe he had to think that they were all dead. Yeah, maybe like that he would be able to put an end to that story. But the thought of their lifeless bodies brought fresh tears in his eyes, even if he was aware that it was just a fantasy. He huffed, distressed. Was it possible that he couldn't find peace? Annoyed, he put the magic earphones on, so that he would follow the music and the words of the songs and his thoughts would no longer be able to bother him. He tried to pour some magic into the device, so that music would start playing, but it didn't work. He retried several times, but there was no use. Outright mad, he threw the object in his bag, thinking that it was broken. He pinched the bridge of his nose, tired of all that shit and his everlasting headache. It would be a long night.

Evergreen and Bickslow had spent the night at the Strauss residence. After Mira and Freed had left, they had to explain the situation to Elfman, who, being the ever protective brother, hadn't had the right to know anything of all that had happened in the previous days.

"FREED IS A REAL MAN! he cried. Ever wanted to punch him in the face or pretend that she didn't exist. She still had to choose which one was better. In the meantime she unconsciously held a hand close to her face, as if trying to shield herself from the sight of Bickslow and Lisanna. She just knew that the Seith Mage was so going to make fun of her for that. Maybe killing him was the best option.

Just as she turned to glare at him because he was intently staring at her trying not to burst out laughing, Elfman had to catch their attention again, making her want to bury herself six feet underground.

"BUT LAXUS HASN'T ASKED FOR MY PERMISSION TO BE WITH MIRA!"

"Elf-nii-chan, I didn't think you still lived in the middle age" Lisanna giggled.

"But she's my sister…" he meekly retorted.

"And you're too old-fashioned" she replied.

He crossed his bulky arms over his chest and muttered: "I'm only allowing this because Laxus is a man"

"Why, if he were a woman wouldn't you let them be together?" asked Bickslow sounding mad. "I mean, what if Mira was lesbian? Wouldn't you accept it? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? WHY DON'T YOU ACCEPT HOMOSEX-"

He was cut off by Evergreen slamming her hand on his mouth and holding him before he went on a rampage. Poor Elfman looked mortified.

"Stop it you idiot…" she hissed.

Of course it was all a farce to embarass her more than Elfman himself already did by himself. Bickslow perfectly knew that Elfman had a fixation for men and manly things, god, everyone in the guild had ben basically forced to know it with all his shouting and everything.

 _"This little shit…I'll make you pay"_ she thought as a wicked glint flashed in her eyes.

She let go of him and walked toward Elfman reassuring him telling him that the Seith mage was just being a prick.

"Now Bicks…" she started with a saccharine tone which spelt disaster and the man in question started sweating bullets and eyeing her pleadingly. She seemed to have no mercy though.

 _"I'll get what I deserve I guess"_ he thought, waiting for her revenge to fall upon him.

"Why don't you tell Lisanna" Ever continued. "about that time you sprained your neck while wiping your ass?"

"What?!" laughter bubbled from Lisanna's throat and Elfman confusedly looked between Ever and Bickslow, seeming pretty shocked.

He didn't think that Ever would bring up such a...delicate topic and he honestly wanted to give her payback, but he was scared of what she could do after that. But apparently that wasn't enough since, seeing his silence, she gave further explanation to a very amused Lisanna.

"It happened when we still lived together, he came running out of the bathroom with his jeans still down"

"Ok. Ok. Enough, huh?" he interjected.

She ignored him. "At least he had the decency to pull his boxers up"

Bickslow growled.

"He was keeping his head in a weird position, screaming that he could put it back into a normal position"

"Ever…" he whined.

She was having too much fun. "When we asked him if he'd fallen or something, you know, how it happened, he said that he'd hurt him self while he was wip-"

I'm sorry ok?" he cut her off.

Finally, it took him a while to figure it out.

"Say sorry to Elfman, not just to me" she ordered.

"What?"

"So, as I was saying" she resumed as she adressed herself to Lisanna.

"I'm sorry Elfman! Please, forgive me!"

He even threw himself on his knees to emphasize things. He honestly didn't want her to tell the rest of the story.

"I don't know…" joked the bigger man. "I was starting to enjoy this…"

"Don't get too cocky now" Ever smacked him with her fan.

"Ouch!" he glowered at her. Seriously, he never got what the woman wanted or whose side she was on.

Bickslow gave a sigh of relief and rose to his feet, not able to look at the girl he liked so much in the eye. But then she came close to him, with his babies in tow and her smile brightened the whole room or was it just an impression of his?

Upon seeing him so ashamed, Lisanna tried to reassure him: "Don't worry Bicks, this kind of things can happen to anyone"

"Really?" he asked hopeful.

"No" answered Ever and he glared at her.

"I'm sure that there's someone else out there who sprained their neck while wiping their ass" she said with a giggle.

The Seith mage couldn't help but smile fondly.

Ever and Bickslow ended up spending the rest of the evening there, watching a movie with the two siblings, falling asleep before it finished. Ever was sharing one of the couches with Elfman, totally not hugging him in her sleep. Bickslow was not so discreetly crushing Lisanna against his chest, using her as a big teddy bear. He even rested his cheek on her head with a contented smile on his face. She didn't seem to mind his presence at all. The babies lay dormant on the floor.

It was around 5 in the morning when their peaceful slumber was interrupted. Bickslow had to pee. Urgently. He got up from the couch trying not to disturb Lisanna. When he came back, he took his phone to look up what time it was. He saw a message from Freed and read it.

"EVER!" he screamed.

Needless to say, everyone in the neighborhood woke up.

That morning Laxus woke up feeling very content. He turned his head to his side and saw a naked Mirajane still sleeping next to him. Memories of the previous night flooded his mind and he couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. He finally was with the woman of his dreams. He moved closer to her and draped an arm over her shapely figure. He didn't expect her to have sex with him, nor he meant to ask her to do that, but when she offered by starting to unbutton his shirt in the middle of a pretty passionate kiss, he certainly didn't refuse. And it was awesome. Better than any woman he'd ever been with. He nuzzled his nose in her neck and heard a small moan coming from her. With her eyes still closed she giggled and mumbled a slurred "Good morning".

"Mornin'" said Laxus full of adoration. She was so cute with her bangs down.

When he was happy he could be kind of sweet. He even pressed a kiss on her cheek.

Mira slowly opened her eyes and smiled up at him, that beautiful smile that made his heart skip a beat. But the moment was ruined when she took notice of how late she was for work and sprinted up from the bed, starting to get ready. Laxus pouted. Damn work. The old man could have given her some days off...he sighed in resignation and settled for waiting in bed for her to finish in the bathroom. Then he would get ready and they would go to the guild together. He thought about making breakfast, but he didn't think that she would appreciate burnt or raw food. He never got the cooking time right. It was better if he bought her something on their way to the guild. She wouldn't die of food poisoning at least.

As he waited, he took his phone to check if he had any messages. He was surprised to find many missed calls from Evergreen and Bickslow and just as many messages. He started to get worried. He scrolled up the messages he had in the chat group with the Raijinshuu. A message from Freed had started all the ruckus.

_"Laxus, Ever, Bickslow. As you already know, I have had a few issues lately."_

_"'A few issues'. He always has to make things about him look like they're not a big deal"_ thought Laxus.

__

_Laxus kept reading anxiously._

__"I left last night with a train. I won't tell you where I'm going, otherwise I know that you would immediately be here, in spite of my request of being left alone."_ _

__"Of course, dumbass! We're worried!"_ _

__"Don't look for me, please. I have to stay away"_ _

_Laxus was getting mad. Too many idiocies._

__"Take care of yourselves while I'm not there with you"_ _

_Laxus almost crushed his phone in his hands out of fury. He hastily read all the messages of Evergreen and Bickslow freaking out and trying to convince Freed not to do anything stupid. There was no answer from the green haired mage, who, at a certain point, had abandoned the group._

_In that moment Mira came out of the bathroom and saw Laxus looking very angry. His muscles were extremely tense and lightning crackled out of his skin._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Freed. He has left, saying that he needed some time alone to fix his problems" as he spoke, he stood up from the bed, going to get ready in the bathroom. Mira was frozen in her spot, knowing that she was at fault for that._

_Laxus took the fastest shower of his life and then lightning-teleported Mira and himself at the guild, the romantic walk and breakfast completely forgotten. Not that Mira minded. She was scared about what Freed could do as well. Laxus then went to Freed's place, hoping to find something that would help him find the rune mage. He'd called Ever and Bickslow to meet them there._

_They had been there earlier, trying to see if maybe Freed still hadn't left or something, but the place was empty, only the furniture was left. There were no clues about where Freed might have gone and it angered Laxus to no end. He would look for him, Freed was in no condition to be alone and he was dead worried. He received a call from a worried Mira, who, in the meantime, had asked the Master if he knew anything about it. Makarov, not knowing that Freed didn't want his friends to know that, had told Mira that the rune mage was no longer a member of the guild and now she was reporting it to her boyfriend._

_He had left the guild._

_Freed had left the guild._

_Laxus immediately transformed into lightning and went to the train station, there he would ask information about the greenette. The workers cowered in fear just upon seeing him, but didn't spill the details about Freed's departure for the client's privacy's sake._

__"Damn useless idiots"_ thought Laxus after frying them. Rediscovering the joys of being a bad person was nice every now and then._

__"See Freed? I can't be a good person without you here keeping me in line"_ he whined in his head. He was ultimately freaking out._

_Since he would get no help, Laxus decided to inspect every single town in Fiore looking for his friend. Evergreen and Bickslow would do the same, as well as many other members of the guild._

_A month had passed and no one had found anything._

_Memories of Freed swirled in Laxus's mind and he just got madder by the day because they made him realize how much of a good friend the man had always been to him, while he'd just been the usual asshole._

__"I will accompany you along this path even if it leads to hell"_ _

_That sentence had resounded many times inside his head during those 32 days._

__Those words hadn't meant a lot to him when Freed had said them._ _

__"He's just an underling of mine, nothing more. It's normal that he shows me this loyalty" had thought Laxus, still prey of that blind fury that had led him to go against his own guild. He'd been so blind that he'd almost hurt Freed with his lightning. He'd thought about that gesture only much much time later. During his exile the lightning mage had had the time to reflect on his mistakes and he'd obviously gone over that day again and again. The months before too._ _

__He remembered planning the attack, his outburst of rage at the smallest hint of reticence from his team, the adrenaline surging through him that day, the disappointment he'd felt when Evergreen and Bickslow had been defeated, that damn lightning grazing Freed's body. The man must have been so scared. A monster, that's what he was. And yet the Raijinshuu had remained by his side._ _

__When he woke up after the battle with Natsu and Gajeel, the first thing he saw was Freed's worried expression, which immediately turned into a bright smile as soon as the man saw the he'd opened his eyes._ _

__Laxus slowly sat up with the help of his friend and saw that the rune mage had brought him back into the cathedral and had already taken care of his wounds._ _

__"How are you feeling?" asked Freed._ _

__Laxus turned towards him and then immediately averted his gaze, unable to look at him in the eye. He was too ashamed._ _

__"I'm sorry" he mumbled._ _

__"What for?"_ _

__"Everything. I shouldn't have put you all in this situation"_ _

__"Don't worry"_ _

__Those two words warmed his heart in an undescribable way. He would always be grateful to have such a great friend._ _

_He took another swig from his mug and glared at no one in particular. Laxus had become more and more irritable, nervous and mad. He was starting to look like his old self again and he didn't like it._

__"I need you, Freed. You can't keep doing this to me"_ _

_Mira, Makarov, Evergreen and Bickslow had tried to calm him down, make him feel better, even if they missed Freed just as much as he did. But only the greenette's presence would be able to soothe him in those dark moments. A lover is always the one who can comfort you the most, but sometimes it just isn't enough and that was the case. Plus, Freed had always been the one consoling him whenever he felt down, since the first time he'd shown him his weak side._

__"Laxus?" Freed had called the lightning mage on his video lacrima. He'd found a perfect mission for them and wanted to show it to his best friend._ _

__"Hey Freed" he greeted, giving a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes._ _

__"What happened to you?!"_ _

__Laxus immediately regretted answering the call. He didn't think he looked so bad._ _

__"Just...a brawl" he lied._ _

__"It's not possible, no one would be able to reduce you like that"_ _

__Damn._ _

__"I had a car accident"_ _

__"Laxus, you don't have a driving licence"_ _

__"I didn't say I was the one driving"_ _

__Freed's face clearly said that he didn't believe him._ _

__Damn again._ _

__"It's make up for Halloween"_ _

__"It's the 1st of March"_ _

__"I have to make practice to apply all this stuff"_ _

__

__"Will you stop coming up with excuses?" asked the rune mage, visibly annoyed._ _

__Laxus sighed, "It's nothing, really" he mumbled lowering his gaze._ _

__That tone worried Freed even more than the bruises._ _

__"Just wait for me, I'll be there in a minute"_ _

__

__"Eh?" Laxus snapped his head up, but the orb was no longer glowing, Freed had ended the call._ _

__Since his father had left and Freed had already seen him like that he didn't see why not letting his friend coming over. He would enjoy some company. Hopefully the other boy wouldn't ask too many questions._ _

__When Freed arrived, he heard loud music coming from the apartment. Laxus only listened to it when he wanted to isolate himself from others or when he was sad and needed something to distract him from the bad thoughts and bring him back to his usual mood._ _

__As he entered the room, the rune mage saw Laxus sitting on the floor next to the speakers of the stereo. He was hugging his knees and kept his head in the space between his arms._ _

__Freed noticed the bruised wrists._ _

__Then he crouched in front of his friend and gained his attention by lightly touching his forearm. Laxus raised his gaze and Freed winced again looking at him. It wasn't the bruises and the blood that revolted him, but Laxus's eyes. They expressed so much pain and Freed wasn't sure if he could bear that. He never thought he would see Laxus in such a state, he called him Thunder God for a reason. But there he was, helpless and broken, and all Freed wanted to do was pick up the pieces and put him back together._ _

__He swallowed. "Let me take care of your injuries, huh?" he offered._ _

__Laxus nodded and stood up, turning to lower the volume of the music and then sat up on the bed. It was then that Freed saw his back covered in cuts and blood on the back of his head. He gasped in horror and immediately regretted his spontaneous reaction as he noticed that Laxus had heard it and was biting his lip, looking sadder than ever._ _

__"Sorry…" he whispered._ _

__"It's ok" Laxus said in a raspy voice._ _

__It wasn't actually. Freed hadn't done anything wrong, he wasn't mad at him, only at his dad. And his grandfather too. If those two didn't fight every single day, then his father wouldn't get so mad, then he wouldn't need to drink and then he wouldn't beat him._ _

__Well, it was his father who decided to hit him, it technically wasn't his grandfather's fault, but Laxus couldn't care less. He was tired of all that shit, all those times his father had put him in the middle of the fight, forcing him to take sides when all he wanted to do was everything but that. Sometimes his father would even blame him for his problems and his condition._ _

__He didn't know what to do. Did he have to take sides? Which one did he have to choose? When his father beat him or said all those horrible things to him, should he fight back?_ _

__He usually just tried to shield himself, but he never managed to do that. Besides, he loved his father. He could never think of hurting him._ _

__Freed passed him a bag full of ice so that he would put it on his bruises. He lay it on his swollen cheekbone, gritting his teeth for the pain that came from the touch and the cold. Then the rune mage took to disinfecting the cuts on his back and it stung bad. It wasn't one of the worst pains he'd ever dealt with, but the simple thought that he was enduring that pain, the pain of the beating and the emotional pain just because of his father, the man who should love him and protect him, made him feel so angry and sad that tears gathered in his eyes, blurring his vision. He bit his lip trying to hold them back, but the more Freed worked on his injuries, the more he reflected on his sick relationship with his fathe and the more he felt the urge to scream and cry._ _

__When Freed was done, he was outright shaking. He kept his head in his hands, taking deep breaths. The rune mage had noticed all of Laxus's reactions to his ministrations. He would have wanted to do or say something, but he knew that Laxus had quite the pride, so he pretended not to see. But he would be there for him had he wanted to talk about something, or even to simply keep him company. As he sat next to him, Laxus turned his head towards him and the pained look that he gave him broke his heart._ _

__Laxus was crying._ _

__Freed immediately wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly as he emitted small sobs._ _

__It went on like that for a while, as the rune mage wondered who had done that to his Thunder God, going over the many ways in which he could torture the culprit. Laxus then pulled away, still heaving a bit and wiped away his tears. He needed it. Freed's arms felt safe and for the first time in many years he felt loved._ _

__"Thank you"_ _

__"Even if you don't want to tell me who did this to you, so that I can make them wish they were never born, don't you ever forget that I'm always here for you"_ _

__Laxus chuckled for the threat and decided that Freed deserved to know. He could be trusted. So he told him about all that daily happened in his beautiful, dysfunctional family. Needless to say, his friend was shocked to hear all that._ _

__"I'm...so sorry...thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all this"_ _

__Laxus patted his back and stood up with a smile. A true one._ _

__"How about we order a pizza and you stay here tonight?"_ _

__"Sure"_ _

__Laxus stood up from his seat, clumsily walking out of the guild. He couldn't keep sulking, Freed still wasn't there with him. He wouldn't stop looking for him, if it killed him._ _

__He got on a train, his motion sickness not fazing him in the slightest, his mind set only on his best friend._ _


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed and Laxus meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 11/05/2016)

Freed wasn't doing much better. The last month had been more than pretty tough for him.

When he'd arrived in town, he still didn't have a job or a place to live, so he checked in a hotel and left his pieces of luggage there. He thought about sleeping, but honestly, he hadn't been doing that for months, it was useless to spend time laying in around in bed without doing anything when he could be productive and look for a house and, most importantly, a job. He still had some savings, but they wouldn't last forever.

In less than a week, everything was fixed: he'd found a house and a job as a librarian. He honestly didn't like the place he'd found, it was small, it stunk and was empty. Of course, he could fix that finding the right furniture and cleaning things well, but it would never feel like home. He guessed that he'd just have to adjust to the new situation, just like he had in Magnolia many years earlier, but even after a month it all felt so foreign. His job wasn't that bad though. It certainly wasn't as exciting as that of a mage, but until he found a new guild that would have to do. Plus, he still wasn't ready to leave Fairy Tail behind.

As if everything he'd done wasn't enough to make him feel sad and lonely, in that month nothing had improved. He'd got used not to see Laxus, Bickslow, Evergreen and all the others every day, but it didn't make him feel less lonely. On the contrary, the fact that he wasn't seeing them and that he'd come to grips with it saddened him even more. He wasn't sure if he preferred that or crying because he missed them. It wasn't like he didn't miss them anymore, it was just that he'd kind of resigned. He felt apathetic. He still hadn't made new friends. Well, he got along with the other people at his job, but they weren't true friends like those he'd left behind. Plus he didn't go out at night, attend pubs, discoes. He really couldn't keep a social life: his routine of not sleeping and not eating had gotten even worse and his weight had lowered drastically. He was losing hair, he was getting irritable, he hated himself and everyone else, he often forgot things, he couldn't concentrate on anything anymore, he was anxious, tired, he often vomited, he cried, discomforted, desperate, feeling guilty, weak, empty, useless, with no future. Bruises formed on his body without him even knowing the reason why. He had tremors and aches, the bags under his eyes and the dark circles around them had become huge and darker and looked as if someone had punched him in the face. But the worst part was that he was becoming delusional: he had hallucinations, saw all sorts of things. Sometimes he was convinced to be at the guild, sometimes Laxus spoke to him. He often insulted him, beat him, hurt him. Sometimes, like in his dreams, he told him he loved him, or kissed him. He had lost count of how many times during the years he had woken up because of his heart beating too fast because of the kisses he shared with his love in his sleep. He was supposed to feel better, but things were only getting worse. He thought about coming back. But then what? The cycle would start repeating itself again and he honestly didn't want to. He wondered if he was destined to live the rest of his life like that or if maybe some day something would happen that would change it radically for the better. But maybe it was him who had to seek for that little good thing that could help him. One night as he thought of that, he decided to go out. Fuck everything, everyone and how he looked like. He went to a bar and then another and another, but instead of socializing he took comfort in sweet sweet alcohol and the more he drank the darker his mood got.

After that horrible month, Laxus, unbeknownst to both Freed and himself, had reached the town where Freed lived now. After another day of fruitless reasearch, the lightning mage went into a bar. There was a massive thunderstorm outside, and after eating a few lightnings to fill his stomach, he had nothing more to do out there. Plus, he could use a few glasses of whisky.

In that same bar, there was Freed. He was sitting alone in a table in the darkest corner of the hall. He saw Laxus.

 _"It must be another hallucination"_ he thought.

He had drunk, it would only make sense. But the more he focused to make the illusion go away, the more Laxus remained glued to that stool, drinking with a scowl on his face. He started to believe that the man was truly there. Freed stared at him, the feelings he'd desperately tried to suppress newly blooming with renewed force in his chest. His heart melted and tears prickled at his eyes. He wondered what his love was doing there.

"Probably a mission" he thought bitterly. Freed didn't certainly expect Laxus to come to look for him, maybe Ever and Bickslow, but certainly not Laxus. Laxus only had eyes for Mirajane, he wouldn't care about him. His latest hallucinations had distorted the image he had of his friend. He could easily think that he despised him now, especially as memories of Laxus's critical period resurfaced. But the thing that had convinced him that Laxus didn't care had happened the night he left. He had written that message and had remained in that group instead of abandoning it right away. He hoped to receive a message, a call, anything from Laxus, but nothing came. He knew that he was a weak parasite and that he shouldn't have hoped that he would try dissuading him, but a little part of him had. And he didn't know what he would have done in that case. He liked to tell himself that he would have still left, but now that he saw him again he wasn't so sure anymore. He didn't know that Laxus had only read the message after he'd abandoned the group and that hadn't thought about calling him because he knew that if Freed hadn't answered to Bickslow and Evergreen's calls, he certainly wouldn't do it with his. Besides, a month had already passed. No one was probably thinking about him anymore.

Freed fought the urge to go to Laxus and hug him, cry in his arms, telling him how much he'd missed him. He probably would have been rejected again and it would hurt too much. He stared from afar, unable to touch him and have him, like he'd always done. It was visible that Laxus wasn't ok and Freed wondered what upset him. He wanted to do something, but couldn't. He actually thought that he had to leave, before Laxus caught on his scent. But why wasn't his body moving? Why did the simple thought of Laxus not knowing that he was there hurt him in his chest so badly? He couldn't give up then, not after all he'd been through.

He remained seated there.

A few drunken men had noticed Freed crying and staring helplessly at another man. Alcohol didn't mix well with violent, bigoted people, as Freed was about to experience. A man on his fifties got closer to him and slurred: "Sheee somethin' ya like?"

Freed didn't even spare him a glance, as he became used to doing with bullies when he was younger. Now even that bastard had to make his life even more miserable.

"Hey, ya think ya can ignore meeee?" said the man in a dark tone, as more friends came closer and made a circle around Freed's table.

It was then that Freed looked at him coldly. Alcohol made him more reckless and fearless (that's why he was never afraid to speak so much when he was with friends) even if he was well aware that he had no chance of escaping from their beating.

Painful insults ensued. He shouldn't have cared, but he did. Then he was thrown off his chair and held against the wall by his neck. His feet didn't touch the floor. Tears ran from his eyes as he emitted choked sounds and tried to release himself from the grip of his tormentor, kicking the air, but to no avail.

The high laughter and a few screams from the women nearby who saw the scene, caught Laxus's attention. Through his headphones, he could hear only loud noises. He took them off and turned towards the source of the ruckus.

Then he saw him.

Blind fury built up in him within seconds and the bastards who were hurting Freed got the worst beating of their lives. On the ground, Freed recovered a little and saw who had helped him.

 _"Laxus…no, no, this wasn't supposed to happen!"_ he panicked. While the Dragon Slayer was still busy beating the shit out of those guys, he ran away, outright crying. He was scared of what the lightning mage might say. Scold him, insult him, tell him to go back.

 _"I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't"_ he repeated in his mind, trying to convince himself.

Laxus called him, but he ignored him, running faster. The Dragon Slayer left the racist assholes go, pretty displeased that he couldn't teach them a proper lesson, even if they had already been reduced to a bloody pulp, but catching up to his friend was more important. He hastily paid his and Freed's tab and then ran behind him.

Freed had stopped running, his muscles too tired to comply, and was now staggering in the alleys getting drenched in rain to the bone. He was shivering for the chilly wind that made the droplets of water whip him in the face and made his soaked clothes and hair cling to his sensitive skin. He was freezing.

Since the streets weren't very well lit at three in the morning and he had half of his hair plastered on his face, he couldn't see much. Plus, since he was drunk, he hadn't much control over his movements and the wet road didn't help him keep his balance at all. Crossing the street, he stumbled and fell in the middle of the roadway. A car was about to run into him, he vaguely heard the sound of the horn honking and saw the headlights getting closer and closer to him, despite the deafening sound of the brakes, but he was saved by a flash of lightning. He just hoped that it wasn't Ichiya again. He felt strong arms holding him and looked up to see blonde hair, lightning-shaped scar, furry coat and a very worried expression on his love's face.

Laxus had got a heart attack when he had spotted Freed in the middle of the carriageway. Relief washed over him as he had managed to save him in time. But the biggest joy came from the fact that he'd found Freed. Now everything could go back to normal. He wrapped the shivering mass in his coat and immediately lightining-teleported them to his hotel room.

Once they were there, he brought Freed a towel to dry himself, but with the lights he noticed that his hair and his clothes were muddied, so, since he was still trembling for the cold, he decided to give him a hot bath, so that he could warm himself a bit.

He took the reluctant man in the bathroom, he was extremely drunk and on his way to passing out for exhaustion. The rune mage remained mute.

Laxus rubbed his hands together trying to warm them and then slowly unbuttoned Freed's coat, then his shirt. The smaller man silently observed his movements and shivered at his delicate touch, but Laxus thought that Freed was just feeling cold. He gently took the clothes off and flinched at the sight. Just how thin had he become? He could see all of his bones. He had bruises on all of his body and he got mad at himself for not realizing sooner that Freed was in trouble, he wouldn't have got hurt. The smaller man raised his head in that moment. Upon seeing Laxus's expression, he hugged himself in a poor attempt at covering himself, ashamed. Many times he had fantasized about Laxus undressing him and tenderly making love to him, but it had never been such a nightmare. Never had he wanted him to watch him with such disgust. He was about to cry. Laxus swallowed and then took off his boots and his trousers. Then his underwear. Not that Laxus had never seen him without clothes, at the hot springs it had happened multiple times, but in that moment, standing there, completely naked, Freed felt exposed, defenceless. His breathing became erratic and his head spun out of nervousness. He was about to fall, but Laxus caught him in time. He held him tightly in his arms. He needed to hold him close, have him with him. Freed was so tiny, so frail. He was scared he could break him. He clenched his jaw and swallowed again, trying not to cry. As he hugged him, Freed just couldn't enjoy the feeling of his love's arms around him. Nor the sound of his heart beating loudly against his ribcage, directly in his ears. Not after seeing the way he looked at him. It was just carved in his mind. He looked at him with pleading, teary eyes, not even knowing what he was pleading for. Laxus then let him go and accompanied him to sit in the middle of the tub, filled to the brim with hot water.

As Freed sat in there, his tense muscles seemed to relax a bit. Laxus started massaging his scalp with his shampoo, to clean his hair from all the mud. Then he cradled Freed in his arms, like a father would do with his newborn child while washing him to prevent him from falling with his head in the water and drowning, took a sponge, soaked it in the water and then dabbed on Freed's chest ever so lightly, allowing the sponge to release the water it had absorbed on his friend's tired body. He felt his heart beating fast and he could even hear it do it loudly. Freed's eyes seemed to look at him, but they were dull and half-lidded. Freed was disgusted by himself, because he'd reduced himself to a weak mass of skin and bones that Laxus probably despised. That sight scared Laxus to no end. He repeated his minisrations on Freed's whole torso, rib by rib, muscle by muscle, then did the same with shoulders and his back. Seeing him like that, curled in the bathtub, leaning on his arm and weakly gripping it with shaky hands as if his life depended from it, with the bones visible under the pale skin, taking shallow breaths, seemingly about to pass out... he couldn't hold back the tears.

Hearing his sobs, Freed woke up from his trance and sat up straighter, turning towards him. He had never looked so exhausted. Since Freed seemed to be able to stay up on his own, Laxus buried his face in his hands. Freed took to caressing his head with his slender fingers.

"Why are you crying?" he whispered.

Laxus looked at him with sadness written all over his face. "What's wrong with you, Freed?!" he asked through sobs.

"Nothing" he said it out of habitude by now.

He was gripping the edges of the tub, Laxus could see his muscles contracting with effort. He let Freed rest on his arm again, he didn't want to see him struggle like that to do such a simple action as sitting up straight. He just couldn't take it.

"That's not true. Please...tell me"

"It's nothing, really. I'm fine"

He ignored the lie. "Are you ill? Are you dying?" his voice broke again.

"I'm dying inside. And my body is rotting"

Those words combined with the sight of Freed about to pass out in his arms, broke Laxus's heart and brought fresh tears in his eyes.

"Why are you hurting so much?" he asked desperately.

"I can't tell you"

"Why?!" he sounded exasperated.

Freed gave him a sad smile.

"Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do" he sounded angry.

"Is it my fault?" he asked, fearing the answer.

Laxus had tried to think of the reason why Freed wouldn't want him to know. If it was lack of trust, if he'd done something wrong, anything. He was scared to know the truth, but he had to.

A tear fell from Freed's eyes. The smile remained, trying to be reassuring. "No" he whispered, barely audible. He really thought that Laxus had no faults.

Laxus didn't believe it. "Freed-" he started, anxious.

"Please" he interrupted. "I don't want to talk about it"

Laxus looked at him about to protest, but before he did, Freed begged him: "Please, Laxus"

He was crying.

"Ok" he agreed, Freed was in a too pitiful state to deny him anything. But in his head many thoughts swirled and wouldn't give him peace.

"Thank you" he said in a feeble voice and closed his eyes, exhausted.

Laxus kept caressing his face. He was shocked. He sobbed, apologizing profusely, but Freed didn't hear him.

Then he took him in his arms, carrying him bridal style onto the bed. He dried his body and put him one of his large pajamas. Then, he cradled him in his arms and combed his long hair, then dried it with the hairdryer. Freed snuggled closer to his chest and Laxus hugged him tightly. When he was finished, he put him in the bed and covered him with the duvet. Seeing his cheeks a bit flustered he touched his forehead.

_"Shit, he's burning"_

It didn't take a genius to know that he had a temperature. It was no wonder really, after he'd been out in that storm with that fragile body. He didn't have any medicines with him, he'd never needed any since he got implanted with the lacrima. He called the receptionist and asked her if she could send someone to a pharmacy since his friend wasn't doing well. She was really kind and told him that she would take care of everything. He thanked her and said goodbye.

Laxus could have gone on his own to take what he needed, but leaving Freed's side wasn't an option.

He prepared a basin full of cold water and submerged a towel in it laying it on Freed's forehead right after. He paced in the tiny room, worried. After half an hour the receptionist knocked at his door with the medicines he had required. He gave her the money and thanked her one more time.

He prepared a glass with water and an effervescent pill, then woke Freed up to make him take it.

"Freed?"

No response.

"Freed?" he said a bit louder, gently nudging him.

"Mmmmhmm"

"Wake up!"

"Mmmmmmhmm"

It was getting annoying.

"Come on Freed, you don't even need to open your eyes, just drink a little thing"

Freed opened his mouth a bit, Laxus raised his head and he drank the medicine in the glass. Then he changed the cloth on his forehead with a newly dampened one. He thought he wouldn't be able to sleep that night.

Firstly, he had to take care of Freed. Secondly, he couldn't help but think about the conversation they'd had earlier. He was utterly convinced that what Freed was going through was his fault and he couldn't forgive himself. He racked his brains, trying to understand what he could have possibly done to his friend, but he really couldn't come up with anything. Moreover, he didn't understand why no one would tell him, did they want him not to feel guilty? It just made him feel worse, not only had he hurt Freed, but he was also trying to protect him? Dammit.

Right then, Freed's sleep became troubled, he turned in the bed and his expression became frightened, his breathing got more ragged and he started to whisper things like "No" or "Don't do this, please"

He wondered what he was dreaming, what kind of sick nightmare it could be. He held his hand, he was tense and cold.

_Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow were being held captive by Ivan. He told Laxus to go to Raven Tail if he wanted them to stay alive. They knew it was a trap and had tried to warn him to stay away, but Laxus had come. Ivan had threatened to hurt them and had convinced Laxus to give him the dragon lacrima. He accepted. A crude surgery ensued, during which Laxus was awake. Then Ivan didn't keep his promise, torturing and killing the Raijinshuu and forcing Laxus to watch. He made him a slave of his ordering him to destroy Fairy Tail. Laxus went to the guild and Fairy Tail helped him annihilate Raven Tail. After the Raijinshuu's funerals Laxus committed suicide unable to live without his friends._

Then came his name. "Laxus!"

Another confirm that he was the cause of Freed's troubles.

He was so mad.

"NO!" Freed then shot up sitting straight and shaking, with his eyes wide open in fear. Laxus hugged him and tried to comfort him.

"I'm here, it's everything ok" he whispered in his ear. "It was just a bad dream" continued Laxus, reluctant to let him go.

Freed took a few deep breaths and calmed down. He relished in the feeling of being in Laxus's arms, forgetful for the time being of the things that had happened before. Then he lay down on the bed again and Laxus changed his cloth.

"Try to get some sleep" he ordered.

"Aren't you sleeping tonight?" he mumbled.

"No, I'm not tired"

He was simply too nervous to get any rest.

"I'll stay up with you" he offered.

"No way, you must sleep, you're sick and you need to rest. It's a direct order"

If he said that, he knew that Freed wouldn't disobey.

"Ok" he smiled and closed his heavy eyes. In a matter of minutes he was sleeping again already.

For a few hours Freed slept calmly. Laxus still couldn't calm down, his nerves were killing him. But not too soon though, the lack of sleep started to sort its effect and he decided to lay down next to Freed. He draped an arm over his body and buried his nose in his hair. The greenette smelled like him. It was so uncharacteristic. But he liked it.

Laxus slowly fell in a light slumber, lulled by Freed's even breathing and that familiar, comforting scent of his under that of his shampoo.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed and Laxus have a little talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 21/05/2016)

Freed woke up again many times that night, but he duly found himself in Laxus's embrace and any sign of anxiety dissipated and he was able to fall back asleep.

Laxus woke up after a couple of hours, Freed was still sleeping soundly. He checked the time and gave him another dose of his medicine. The greenette didn't even give a sign of life this time, he simply drank and lay back on the pillow as if nothing had happened.

 _"He must be so tired…"_ thought Laxus.

He felt a terrible anguish wash over him. Freed was lying there, sick, paler and thinner than ever before...what he'd seen the night before…he would never be able to erase it from his mind. He needed someone to comfort him a little. He called Mirajane.

"Hey"

"Laxus!"

"I found Freed" he said with a smile, but it looked sad.

"Really? Where is he? How is he? Let me see him!" she screamed.

"Shhh, don't be so loud, he's sleeping" he reprimanded.

"Oh, sorry" she whispered.

"Here is he" Laxus said, moving the camera of the phone so that Mira could see the rune mage.

"Is it the camera or…is he ok?!" she asked, seriously concerned.

"He looks pale as hell, doesn't he?"

"Just pale? He looks anorexic"

That word made his heart sink in his chest.

"His bones…" he said with a broken voice. "You can see them all"

Mira gasped as she caught sight of Laxus's tears. She'd never seen the man cry.

"Mira, I'm scared. He's so…" he stopped mid-sentence. A word couldn't summarize Freed's condition. "I was afraid I could hurt him just by touching him"

Mira whimpered. Freed was going through so much…

"I don't want to lose him"

"We won't" she said, trying to convince herself too.

He looked at her with an anguished expression.

"Laxus, have you talked to him?"

"Yes, but he still won't tell me what's wrong" he sounded desperate.

"What did he tell you?"

"He said he's dying inside. And that his body is rotting"

A tear fell from Mira's eyes. _"Oh my god…"_

"I asked him if it was my fault, but he said it wasn't. I don't believe him"

"It's all _my_ fault!" she exploded.

"What?! What are you talking about?" he asked.

Why saying such a thing out of the blue?

"I shouldn't have listened to him a month ago!" she sobbed.

"A month ago? What the hell happened a month ago? Mira it's not your fault, it's mine.

"No, this is all because of me!" she exclaimed as tears ran freely down her cheeks.

"Why would you say that?!"

She knew she shouldn't tell him that, but she felt too bad and it came out on its own: "Freed is in love with you"

It took Laxus a few seconds to register the meaning of what she'd said.

"Mira, you know it's not the best moment to pull pranks on me, right?" he asked, not at all convinced that she was joking.

"It's true. We broke his heart"

Laxus was shaking. Only then he understood so many things, so many litte gestures, weird behaviors, sad looks. Memories flooded his mind and drowned him in guilt.

"How long have you known?"

"A while"

"Did you know it when you told me you wanted to be with him?"

"Yes" she admitted.

"And you decided to be with me?!" he asked in disbelief. No, Mira couldn't be like that.

"It's not that simple. I had said no at first because I didn't want to hurt him. But then he found out and came to me, begging me to make you happy and do what he couldn't do because I had the chance to"

Fresh tears filled Laxus's eyes. Freed had sacrificed himself for him. He wanted him to be happy and let Mira step in. And had most likely gone away because he couldn't see them together.

"I have to talk to Ever and Bickslow"

"Ok" she answered. "Bye" and ended the call.

Laxus was heaving in anxiety.

"Come on…" he pleaded as the beeps on the phone indicated that Ever's phone was ringing.

"Laxus!"

Evergreen and Bickslow appeared on the screen. They were together in another town. They, too, were looking for Freed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" inquired the lightning mage.

"Hello to you too" said Evergreen sarcastically.

Bickslow rolled his eyes and asked: "Tell you what?"

"Why didn't you tell me anything about Freed's feelings for me?"

"Who told you?!" asked Evergreen outraged.

"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you two haven't"

"It _does_ matter! Freed asked everyone who knew not to tell you anything. Who did should have respected his wish!"

"I'm tired of this lame excuse! You two are the ones who should have told me! You are our best friends! I would have done something about it!"

He realized he was raising his voice and checked Freed. He was still sleeping. Good.

"Oh, is that so?" Ever raised her voice too. "And what would you have done? Been with him?"

That made Laxus flinch. He sadly realized that he didn't harbor that kind of feelings for Freed.

Evergreen saw his reaction.

"See? It would have been pointless"

"If I had known, I would have been more careful. I wouldn't have spoken so freely about Mirajane for instance"

"True. But it's not like he wouldn't have suffered all the same"

"But he could have suffered less. Maybe he would still be at home with us"

She averted her gaze. "Maybe…" she whispered. "Or it could have been worse"

"How could it be worse than this?"

"He could have been mad at all of us, he could have left before, he could have been ashamed…"

"All this is better than how he is now"

"Speaking of which, have you found him?" asked Bickslow.

"Yes"

"And you say that only now?!"

"Where is he?"

Laxus simply moved the camera on Freed and heard Evergreen's gasp.

"Shit" said Bickslow.

"Yeah…"

A brief moment of silence passed before Laxus asked: "How long?"

"6 years"

He stared at them in shock. "He's been bottling everything up for so long?"

"Yep"

"But why?!"

"He knows you don't like him that way. He didn't want to ruin the friendship, make things awkward"

"It wouldn't have been awkward, he's too important to me to let the friendship be ruined"

"Well, he doesn't think so"

"Plus, you know how he is" added Bickslow. "He always keeps everything inside, no one's gotta be worried about him and all that shit"

They all hated that side of Freed. Many would consider that as a good quality, but not them. Not when it was evident that he wasn't doing well and they cared too much about him to let it slide.

"I should talk to him"

"What do you want to tell him?"

"I still don't know precisely, but we must talk about this. We have to sort this out"

"Please Laxus, bring him back home" suddenly pleaded Evergreen.

Bickslow nodded. "Don't screw up"

Laxus smiled sadly. "I'll do my best"

And the phone call was over.

Laxus paced back and forth in the room, from the bathroom to the door, from a window the other, again and again and again.

It was officially his fault. Thinking that, having that feeling was a thing, having the confirmation brought it on another level. He felt an immense sense of despair. He didn't love Freed, not that way, but he was his best friend. He would have never wanted to hurt him. But he had and had done it more than probably anyone else in his life. He'd never seen Freed like that. He'd always been a proud man, strong and amazing. The mere thought that he'd reduced him like that was consuming.

 _"I broke him…"_ he thought scared.

He wondered what Freed could like so much about him, how he'd fallen in love with him. If it was possible to do that or if his friend had gone nuts. Freed knew him better than anyone else and yet he'd fallen in love with him. He knew every flaw, everything he'd done.

That was true love.

And it was going to waste.

He wished he loved Freed that way, but he couldn't. He was like a brother to him. Plus, he wasn't homosexual, though he didn't have a problem if Freed or anyone else was.

_"You see that girl over there?"_

_"Huh?" Freed turned his head in the direction Laxus was indicating. There stood a really cute girl._

_"She's hot, ain't she?"_

_"I guess so…" Freed answered a little embarrassed. (A/N: Embarrassed is written with two Rs…another shocking discovery…)_

_"Oh! How about that one?" Laxus asked. He was really set on finding Freed's type._

_"She's pretty…"_

_The lightning mage growled. "You give me no satisfaction, man"_

_"Laxus?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Maybe there's something you should know" said Freed, his cheeks flushed._

_"What is it?" Laxus asked, really curious._

_"I'm gay"_

_"Ok" he shrugged. "So, that guy next to the pillar looks good, huh?"_

_Freed looked at him as if he'd just done the weirdest thing in the world._

_"What? Is he ugly?"_

_"No, but…I just told you I'm gay and you are pretending that nothing happened"_

_"It's not a big deal to me, I don't care if you like boys or girls, I just wanna know what your damn type is"_

_"Are you drunk?"_

_"No"_

_Freed looked away for a second and then smiled. He was being so worried about telling Laxus about his sexuality and then the Dragon Slayer didn't give a shit. He was really something._

_"I like blonde guys" he said with a smirk._

_Maybe he'd had a few drinks too much._

_"Oh" Laxus grinned. "Then…see something you like?"_

_"Where?"_

_"Right in front of you" he said smugly._

_Freed chuckled, he still didn't know that soon he would fall in love with his best friend. He played along._

_"Yes, and very much"_

Laxus smiled at the memory. It had happened 8 years earlier. He'd just joked back then and most likely Freed had too. Why couldn't things stay the way they were?

He didn't blame Freed for falling in love with him, he never could. But things would have been easier, he wouldn't be having all of those problems, they wouldn't be in that hotel room. He wouldn't feel that awful.

What made him feel worse, was the fact that he'd never realized. He was often dense, clumsy, not very good with feelings, but really? 6 years and nothing? Not even a doubt?

He felt an asshole. His big ego hadn't let him see past his nose. His problems were the only thing that mattered.

Now he could remember the sad smiles he gave him whenever he spoke about Mirajane, the adoration in Freed's eyes, the way he'd always done everything he'd asked of him and even more without batting an eye. He'd always thought that the rune mage was just a very good friend, nothing more. But now it all made sense and he felt sorry for making light of all those signals.

He was getting nervous and hungry. God, he needed something to eat. He checked the time. It was 7:30, downstairs breakfast should have been ready. He called the kind receptionist and ordered what he wanted. He also took a croissant and a cup of hot milk, hoping that Freed would want something to eat, or at least to drink.

The noises of Laxus's steps, erratic breathing, the occasional groans, the knocks on the door and the small chatter had finally pulled Freed out of his slumber. His stirring caught Laxus's attention and he immediately rushed to sit by his side.

"Mornin'" he said with a lopsided grin.

"Good morning" said Freed in a raspy voice.

"I hope you're hungry, I ordered something to eat"

Freed smiled for his thoughtfulness, but honestly food was the last thing he wanted. He was agitated by Laxus's presence.

The man noticed and immediately felt sad, not wanting his best friend to have such a reaction around him, but he had to bring him back home and talk about the entire situation.

He tried to start casually though.

"Why didn't you kick those bastards' asses last night?"

 _"Seriously? That's what you ask?"_ he inwardly facepalmed for his own stupidity.

Freed got tenser. "They weren't mages"

"So what? They were treating you like shit, you should have at least reacted"

"I could have hurt them seriously"

"I did and I don't regret it"

Freed looked at him wide-eyed. Laxus wasn't mean, not since that tough period of his life.

"What? They hurt you, they needed a lesson"

Freed lowered his gaze.

_"It's my fault if he acted like this. He's going to regret it and he did it because of me"_

Before he could apologize, Laxus asked: "Did it happen other times?"

Freed nodded silently. To Laxus he looked like a shy kid not wanting to talk to a scary stranger. He didn't want to be like that with Freed.

"So those bruises on your body...they come from the beatings?"

"Mostly" he mumbled.

"What does mostly mean? Where would they come from?". Then a sick idea came to his mind. "D-Do you hurt yourself?"

"No!" Freed said, louder than necessary, but he had to prove his point. "They just appear on my skin, I don't know why"

That worried Laxus, but he was glad that Freed didn't do anything to himself.

"Have you seen a doctor?"

"No" he admitted ashamed.

"You should"

Freed nodded obediently, he knew he had to.

Laxus sighed, knowing that he was about to ask another stupid question.

"What have you done this whole month?"

"I stayed here the whole time. Found a place, a small job…"

"What do you do as a job?"

"Librarian"

Laxus let out a small bitter laugh and Freed looked at him confused.

"This whole month we've scanned all of the guilds in Fiore looking for you and you work as a fucking librarian?" he explained.

"You…looked for me?"

"Of course! All the members of Fairy Tail have been looking for you since the morning after you sent that message"

"Oh…"

"What did you expect? You scared the shit out of us"

"I'm sorry" he lowered his gaze.

"Why would you leave?" finally asked Laxus. He knew the reason why, but he wanted to hear it from Freed.

"I couldn't work as a mage anymore" he explained sadly.

That wasn't the main reason, but he certainly wouldn't tell Laxus his true motives. He didn't want to spill the beans about his new issue, but that was the only plausible excuse he could find.

"What? Why?"

That wasn't the answer Laxus expected. But maybe he shouldn't have thought that Freed would speak so easily, he'd kept everything inside for 6 years after all.

"That's also the reason why I didn't join other guilds" he swallowed before saying it aloud. "I'm not a mage anymore"

Laxus looked at him with a mixture of confusion, surprise and concern.

"What does this mean?" he asked, starting to panic, hoping it was a lie.

"I lost it…" he whispered, barely audible, averting his gaze. That wasn't just sad for him, he knew that Laxus valued strength a lot, and without it Freed felt like he was nothing. Especially in front of a powerful man like Laxus.

"What did you lose?"

Laxus feared the answer as the doctors' words started to come back in his mind.

The smaller man remained silent, biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Freed?"

"M-My magic…" his voice shook.

"No, it can't be…" Laxus stuttered in shock.

 _"Magical strain deficiency"_ The sentence echoed in his mind.

"No, no, no!" he screamed in his mind.

"I can't use it anymore" Freed said with big, sad, indigo, teary eyes piercing his soul. "It's gone" and his voice broke.

Laxus instinctively hugged Freed and he quietly cried in his chest.

_Freed had realized it a few mornings after arriving. He was late for job and decided to use his wings to get there faster. He tried to write his runes, pronouncing the usual formula: "Yami no écriture: wings", but the symbols didn't come out from his fingers and didn't glow on his arm. He didn't feel any magical drain, nothing. He tried again, hysterically, but it didn't work. He then remembered what had happened some nights earlier with the Sound Pod and started to panic._

_"Could it be that…? Please, not this too. Don't take this away from me as well" he pleaded in his mind._

_Since he was late he didn't try further and ran to work, spending the whole day in anxiety, thinking about his issue. Once he was home the first thing he did was trying to use his magic._

_He exerted himself trying every single spell he knew, from the hardest to the easiest, thinking that maybe he didn't have enough magic for the most complex ones. But seeing that it didn't work even with the simplest spells he tried to trace single words, basic things for a rune mage._

_"Why doesn't it work?! Please…"_

_Simple letters followed, then smaller and simpler symbols. Nothing._

_He sweated and exhausted himself until his legs gave in and he fell on the ground._

_He lay crying on the floor for hours as he tried to come to grips with the fact that there wasn't an ounce of magic in him anymore._

Laxus took deep, shaky breaths. His vision blurred.

Magic is part of a mage. It is the expression of one's way to be. He thought it would be degrading to lose it. It would be like losing the thing most important to you or like a death. He couldn't even think what he would do if he lost his. And now fate had decreeted that his best friend had to suffer that destiny. It was horrifying how cruel it could be sometimes.

Freed pulled away from his embrace. "I already cried enough" he stated, drying his tears.

Oh, he had. Whole days and nights spent mourning his loss. Now he was slowly accepting that he would live the rest of his life as a mere human.

Laxus swallowed and whispered: "I'm sorry"

His chest tightened thinking that he was the cause of all that.

"Why would you care?" Freed asked bitterly.

Laxus looked at him extremely confused.

"I'm a weakling now, you probably despise me. I saw your look last night"

Laxus felt a cold chill run down his spine. Is it how you feel when you're sad and scared? Well, he didn't like it. He looked at Freed as if he'd said the most horrible thing in the world. He had in his opinion.

"You really believe that?" he asked, honestly hurt.

Freed nodded.

"Do I really look like I would do such a disgusting thing?"

Freed saw the sorrow etched in Laxus's features and instantly felt bad for causing it.

"Why would you think that, Freed? Is it because how I was in the past? Don't you trust me because of that? I changed, don't I do enough to show that? Are you scared of me? I... I thought that you, at least, truly knew me…"

But then realization dawned on him: _"Me, me, me. It's always about me. That must be why he thinks I don't care or that I would think that of him. I have to focus on him. If I had before maybe we wouldn't be like this right now"_

"Freed you don't disgust me" he continued as the smaller man looked at him with his big, sad eyes. "You never could. You're my best friend and I love you, I don't think any less of you, you're still the great, strong man I've always admired, even without your magic. It doesn't matter to me. I mean, I'm sad for you, of course, this is..." he let out a shaky breath blinking away some tears. "The point is that this doesn't change the image I have of you and my feelings for you. The way I looked at you last night wasn't disgusted. It's just...so hard to see you like this". The image of Freed in that bathtub flashed in front of his eyes, so real that he shuddered again. "I'm scared for you"

Freed felt relieved, reassured. How could he doubt Laxus? Now it was his turn to comfort the man. "Don't be"

"That's not possible"

He was just making things harder. You go away trying to forget a guy who doesn't love you back and then that guy comes to you and says that he cares about you. He emitted a small growl of frustration. Not that he didn't like what he was hearing. He was, far too much for his own taste. But he couldn't give up right now.

"Especially now that I know the cause of all this" Laxus continued. He had to get there sooner or later. He wasn't sure if he wanted to have that conversation. It would be terrible to have to tell Freed no, to hear all that and be unable to do anything, but he wanted to know what he truly felt, he had the right to say it and he wanted to make things clear between them.

Freed perked up.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, extremely scared to hear the answer. His heart was about to burst out of his chest.

Laxus couldn't even bring himself to say it, he felt too guilty. "It's…me" he whispered.

"It's not you, Laxus" Freed said sternly.

There had been a period in which Freed had tried to think and convince himself that the lightning mage was the cause of his problems.

 _"If I hate him, then I won't love him and everything will be solved"_ he'd thought.

But how can you blame someone for not having feelings for you?

_"You could love me, we could be happy together, fuck that bitch, fuck everyone else. But you really can't do it right? You're a bastard, hurting me like this, calling me 'your best friend'. What a load of crap. You're such a hypocrite"_

Or: _"You still have your own life, your own friends, your own magic and your own strength. And I? I lost every single thing. I'm alone, rotting in a shitty apartment, with a shitty job, with a shitty life. You should be in my place"_

In his most desperate moments Freed had even thought that. He imagined himself saying all that to Laxus but then he would immediately feel terrible. Calling Laxus a bastard, a hypocrite, Mira a bitch, saying that they all could go fuck themselves, wishing him to live what he was enduring…he was losing himself and his rationality, he was scared and mad at himself for thinking such things.

That wouldn't work.

"Will you stop lying to me?" Laxus had meant to sound angry, but he couldn't be mad at Freed. Especially not for that.

"It's not a lie, I really don't think it's your fault"

Laxus saw the honesty in his eyes and it broke his heart. He wondered how far his love for him went.

"But…" he hesitated and took a deep breath. "I have been told..."

_"It is now or never"_

"…about your feelings for me"

Here, he'd said it.

Freed felt like he was having a heart attack. His chest hurt like hell and his insides were twisting.

"Who told you what?" he said through gritted teeth. He'd asked every living being who knew to keep quiet. Who could have betrayed his trust?

"Mirajane told me". Laxus didn't actually want to say it, but he couldn't risk Freed being mad at Evergreen and Bickslow or someone else who had covered him for so long. "Don't be mad at her, she was just worried about you, like we all are"

"She shouldn't have told you. It wasn't her place to tell you such things" he said with his jaw clenched. He was trying to hold back tears. The secret he'd been working so hard to hide had been told. Now everything was going to fall apart.

"Then _you_ tell me"

"You already know, what's the point?" he asked annoyed.

"She's just told me you're in love with me".

He had another heart attack.

"I want to hear it from you though, I want to know what you really feel"

Freed was turning red, his chest felt like it could explode any moment. He took a deep breath and held it. He couldn't deny anything to Laxus, but that? He was dying to tell him, but what good would it do? Wouldn't it be worse?

"Please, Freed"

Laxus needed to know. He wanted to truly know how Freed felt. He knew that he had been wanting to tell him all that for years and that he hadn't done it for fear to ruin the friendship. He knew that hearing it would only make him feel worse, but both him and Freed needed that.

The smaller man decided to speak. He looked at Laxus in the eye and his heart skipped a beat. Laxus's too.

"I...love you" he said in a shaky tone.

Knowing that the other man knew that the feeling behind those three simple words was not the affection of a friend, but much, much more, made it feel completely different on his lips. It had a huge effect on the lightning mage as well. He didn't love Freed back, not that way, and he just wanted to cry. Nonetheless, he told him to continue, to explain better, to tell him how long and what had ignited it.

Freed's body shook. He clenched his fist trying to keep them still, but they moved all the same.

"It's since that mission, when I gave you that scar. When you told me that it didn't matter what I'd done in the past, because I wasn't like that demon I turned into. I had felt like a monster for all those years and you had the capability to relieve me from that feeling with just a few simple words. From that point forth my feelings for you started to change"

Had that small thing meant so much to Freed? Laxus thought it would be just natural to think those things, he didn't think it was such a big deal.

"At first it wasn't as strong as it is now, I just enjoyed spending time with you, I was overjoyed when you came to me for something, when you looked at me or talked to me...I thought it was just a strong admiration, nothing more"

"So did I…" mumbled Laxus.

Freed smiled bitterly. "It went on like that for a while and then Ever and Bickslow helped me realize what I felt"

"I should have been more attentive" Laxus berated himself.

"No. I prefer things how they are. It would have been worse"

"I could have done something"

"Be realistic. You couldn't have done anything. At least the friendship remained intact and I had more time to spend around you"

Laxus's eyes filled with tears. Freed was talking as if he was dying and their time together was limited. He didn't like it. And he didn't like how helpless they both were in that situation.

"Wouldn't you have wanted me to return your feelings?" he asked in a feeble voice.

Freed gave him a sad smile and caressed Laxus's cheek.

"Well, yes. Being aware that you would never like me that way made things worse, my feelings paradoxically kept growing and I couldn't do anything about it. I learned to live together with them"

"How could you stand all that?"

"I had you close to me"

"But I didn't know anything, I never treated you in certain ways...I was just a friend"

"Your simple presence can do a lot, you know?"

Did Freed's feelings go to such an extent? It just made it all worse for his conscience.

"Why did you help me with Mirajane?"

"I want you to be happy"

"You…" he started in disbelief. "How can you not hate me after all this?! You have been pining after me for years, I never considered you as anything more than my best friend, I have always been an ass to you, I told you I'm in love with someone else...You should want to kill me"

"I don't blame you for anything"

Laxus looked at him in shock.

"Ok, all this makes me suffer. But I can't blame you for not loving me, even if you wanted to, you can't force yourself. Everything you did were just things a friend would do with another friend. You didn't know how I really felt, so I can't blame you for hurting me. When I say that it's not your fault for me reducing myself to this, I truly mean it"

Laxus was outright crying. He pulled Freed in a hug. "Thank you" he sobbed. "For loving me"

Laxus knew that he was hard to deal with, much less get along with, let alone love. Freed instead did. He knew him better than anyone else, he'd seen him at his worst and he loved him. Even after all the times he'd hurt him. "I really wish I loved you like that..."

Freed buried his head in his shoulder and tried hard not to cry.

"Instead I broke you". No matter what Freed said, Laxus would always feel responsible. "I'm sorry" he kept repeating that. "I'm sorry. I truly am"

"Don't be" the greenette said in a trembling voice.

Laxus pulled away for a second and saw tears shining in Freed's eyes. He held him close again and let him cry.

When he calmed down, Laxus asked: "Why me? What's so special about me?"

He had never thought very highly of himself. Maybe it was his father's influence. With the others he'd always put up that façade of confidence, but he was actually very insecure. A man had been loving him for years though, loyally following him even if he was aware that he had no hope. He wanted to know why.

"Everything is special about you. Your way to be, adorably clumsy, both with actions and feelings. The way you care about us, trying to pretend that you don't, your strength, not just physical, but also mental, the way you face head on your problems and your past, your personality, the fact that you never truly judge anyone, the fact that you're good at heart. You probably think that knowing everything about you one should never be able to love you, but instead it was this opportunity you blessed me with that made me fall so hard"

In that moment Laxus realized that in his life he would probably find no one else who loved him like Freed did. Was it what they called 'unconditional love'?

He was speechless. He didn't know what to say, it was just too amazing and beautiful and at the same time so horrible and terrifying. He held the happiness of another man in his own two hands without even having to make an effort to gain it, just be himself. And yet he had crushed it so many times.

He was heaving.

"Laxus…"

"I'm fine. I…just…you give me all this and all I repay you with fucking nothing but my damn, useless 'friendship'" he said with clenched fists. He was getting angry.

"Don't be like this, it's perfectly fine"

Freed almost regretted the confession. He certainly didn't want Laxus to feel like this because of him.

"It isn't!"

He realized again that the conversation was moving on him again and that Freed was trying to console him when he should be the one comforting the other man.

"Sorry…I…I just want you to be ok"

"I will be" Freed gave him a sad smile.

"How about we go home now, huh?" Laxus offered with a small smile of his own.

Even if he would never want that a smile to disappear from his love's face, Freed had to say it: "I'm not going"

"What does this mean?" the blonde immediately frowned.

"I came here for a reason: I needed to stay away from you, hoping that a new life would help me forget you"

Laxus's heart shattered. Freed wanted to forget him. He was avoiding him like a plague.

"But you're not feeling better here…" he murmured.

"It would be worse there" He wasn't sure if he had to say it, but then, just to be safe, knowing how dense Laxus could be, he added "you and Mirajane...together…"

"We can hide, I can avoid talking about her, we can pretend that there's nothing betwee-"

"Stop" he angrily cut him off. "Are you hearing yourself?! This is utter nonsense!"

"Not if it can make you come back. Please Freed…" he said in a pleading tone.

"No" he had to be firm. "I won't come back on these conditions. I don't want you to hide or pretend or think about me. I don't want to ruin your lives, you must be free to do whatever you want, I wouldn't be able to live with the fact that I'm hindering this, that's why I told Mirajane to be with you in the first place. Plus, maybe your relationship will work so well that you'll want to marry her someday. And then what? How do you think you can hide it? And you shouldn't do that by the way"

 _"Always putting me before his own happiness"_ he thought in a mixture of annoyance, guilt and fondness.

"But-" he tried.

"No buts. Moreover, it's not just you and Mirajane together, it's you"

Laxus looked at him with the most hurt look one could ever give.

Freed sighed in distress, he didn't like saying those things, but he had to.

"Being with you would only make things worse. I'd just keep settling for the contentment I feel whenever you are around like I've always done and getting more depressed when I face reality. I'm not strong enough to bear this and move on"

It just sounded so desperate. So, so helpless. He hated being the cause of it.

"You're the strongest person I know"

Laxus thought about Freed's resilience, about what he'd kept inside for 6 years and his sacrifice.

"I am weak" he said bitterly. "You saw me, how I became for such a thing as love. It's moronic, laughable. And I never managed to get rid of it. You call this strong?"

"You are not weak" he said sternly. "And I know you miss everyone and would like to come home, so why staying here?"

That hurt. It was true, it was a huge temptation for him.

"Please…" he begged. "Don't say like this...You're not going to make me change my mind…I can't let you control me anymore" he said in a feeble tone.

Suddenly, Laxus turned away and started packing his things.

"What are you doing now?"

"Can't you see it? I'm packing" he said in an annoyed tone.

"Why?"

"You don't want me here, or in your life at all. So why should I remain? I don't want to bother or control you" he answered bitterly.

"Laxus, that's not what I meant"

He turned towards him. "Oh really?"

Wrong choice of wording. Very very wrong. Control wasn't a thing Laxus liked. He'd been controlled and manipulated in the past by his father and now he accused himself of having controlled and forced the Raijinshuu to do things they didn't want to do seven years earlier. Guilt made him a little touchy. Just on the outside though. On the inside he tried to run away and hide and he hated this coward part of him.

"It's not the way you think. You didn't force me to do anything. It's me. It's just that…anything you want, anything you say…I can't contradict or disobey you, I don't even want to. I don't even see anymore if what you do or say is right or wrong. And…I don't want to lose my mind. And don't think that your presence bothers me! I would always want you to be with me, or to stay by your side if that were possible, but I need to erase these feelings I have for you. I can't go on like this, I think you agree on this"

Laxus eyed him for a second, seeming to think about his answer. Then he reluctantly nodded.

"This is for the best. Maybe one day I'll come back" assured Freed. "But now I need to be on my own. I'll repeat it: you didn't do anything wrong, it's just me"

"Sounds like a cliché..." he muttered with a small smile.

Freed gave him one of his own.

"Fine" Laxus sighed in defeat. Then he sat on the bed, solemnly looking at Freed in the eye.

"If I leave you alone, will you promise to do something? If not for yourself, then, for me?"

"Yes"

"Take care of yourself. Do it for real. See a doctor and do whatever the hell you need to get back on your feet. Because I'm honestly terrified. You have to get better. Otherwise I won't be able to leave you like this, I will be too scared to and you won't get better because of my presence and it'll all become a vicious cycle"

Freed smiled, his heart warmed by Laxus's concern, and said: "I promise"

He really meant to do that. He was tired of all that shit.

"Thank you" he let out a sigh of relief.

He stood up and kept packing his things, but now way less hastily and nervously than he was before.

When he was done, he remained up for a bit, close to the door, unsure of what to do. Freed looked at him silently. Then, as if he'd made up his mind and had solved a very hard doubt, Laxus flung himself to Freed and hugged him tightly, squeezing his eyes shut, trying not to cry. He breathed in Freed's scent, touched his scrawny body, listened to his shaky breathing. He wanted to engrave every single detail in his mind, because he knew that he wouldn't see Freed for a very long time.

Freed hugged him back and started crying. This was their ultimate goodbye. He really wanted to get over things and feel better and to go back to Magnolia one day, but he didn't know if he would manage, and if he did, he knew he still had a long way to go. He held onto Laxus tighter as sobs wrecked his body. He started to feel empty again, that separation was too hard to take.

And that hug wasn't enough, he felt. Even being in Laxus's arms he needed something else, something more, otherwise he wouldn't be able to finally be at peace with himself. But he couldn't ask him that, could he?

He let him go. Eventually he had to. The blonde still stood there for a minute or two, not really wanting to leave but knowing that he had to. Then he finally resolved to go, but when he turned and brought his hand on the doorknob, Freed's broken voice stopped him.

"Laxus…"


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freed's request is fulfilled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 24/05/2016)

Freed didn't know what had possessed him to stop Laxus, but something inside him told him that if he didn't receive what he was about to ask for, he wouldn't be able to get over things and his conditions would only worsen. He was well aware that Laxus could refuse, but his mind and his heart wouldn't be able to live on with that desire and a 'What if he said yes?' plaguing it. He was forced to ask.

As he heard Freed's voice, Laxus immediately turned in a mixture of curiosity and concern, and the greenette continued speaking: "Before you go...could you do something for me?"

"Anything" he said, without even thinking. Of course he would do anything Freed asked of him. He wondered what it could be.

The smaller man hesitated. Was he really going to ask that? God, if that wasn't a sign of insanity he didn't know what was.

"Could you…" he took a deep breath. His heart was beating in his ears and he could feel his cheeks heating. "give me a kiss?" he blurted out.

 _"Just a small one please…"_ he begged in his mind.

He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the pain that would come with Laxus's refusal.

Instead, he asked: "Are you sure you want this?"

Laxus didn't have problems with kissing other guys. Much less if it was Freed. Especially if that would make him feel better. But with the feelings he harbored for him, would it really be good for the other man? Wouldn't it hurt him more? Wouldn't it be better if someone who loved him that way kissed him? He didn't voice any of those thoughts though. He didn't want to influence Freed, he wanted him to choose what he truly wanted.

The question made Freed rake his brains. He truly wanted to, it was his dream, his biggest fantasy. But maybe Laxus didn't want to. Had he asked if he was sure because of that? But he would have said it if he didn't want to, right? He hadn't said no. He had to consider that. And his face didn't say that he was disgusted, shocked or reluctant. It was plain serious, unreadable, mysterious and fascinating as always. But Freed couldn't risk worsening his situation right? He was doing it so that one day he could build a normal relationship with Laxus. Yeah, for that. Not for a selfish desire. As he tried to convince himself that it was for that reason, he timidly nodded.

Laxus instantly dropped the bag and sat on the bed again in front of him. "Then yes, of course I will" he said with a smile.

Freed was sitting cross-legged, very fidgety, almost regretting his request.

Almost.

Laxus was drowned in the bright sunlight coming from the window. His hair seemed to emanate a golden halo, his skin seemed so smooth, even his jagged scar couldn't ruin that image of utmost perfection. His lips were so full and tempting. He looked at Freed with those amber eyes, which he always found so mesmerizing. Freed's breath hitched as he lost himself in those hypnotizing orbs. The blonde slowly inched closer to him, until he closed the distance between their lips. The eyes of both men fluttered closed, as Laxus gave him some small, soft pecks, trying to create the atmosphere.

The touch made Freed shudder with emotions. He was enjoying it way too much, but his mind screamed at him, making him nervous. What the hell was he doing? He was kissing Laxus, a man who didn't love him. How could he think that it would make him feel better? How terrible must Laxus have felt? He probably didn't want to, he wasn't even gay, he was just kissing him out of pity, or because he was his friend. Or both. He felt terrible as guilt gnawed at him and abruptly pulled away.

"Hey, what's going on?" Laxus asked softly, concern adorning his godlike features.

Freed blinked away the tears that threatened to spill. "I-I shouldn't have asked y-you to do this. I went t-too far. I apologize" he said averting his gaze.

Laxus ever so delicately cupped his cheek and turned Freed's head so that he would face him.

"Look at me" he ordered sternly.

Freed did as he was told and Laxus could see the tears pooling in his eyes.

"If I hadn't wanted this, I would have told you. But I do. I really do. So stop thinking about me for one goddamn time and just do what you want to do"

Without even waiting for a retort, Laxus pulled Freed closer to him and pressed his lips against his again. This time the smaller man gave in, letting himself drown in that flood of emotions and sensations. Laxus captured his lips with his own soft ones and Freed let out a small moan of delight. He opened his mouth and Laxus's tongue entered, dancing with his own, moving almost as if they were caressing the other. It had an amazing taste, better than anything Freed had ever felt. He was enraptured, unaware of his surroundings. All he could feel and perceive in that moment was Laxus's mouth and his hands cupping his face and it was wonderful. And his heart. It was soaring and for the first time in years he didn't feel that emptiness in his chest, that oppressing weight that didn't allow him to breathe. It felt finally full, whole.

With that kiss Freed wanted to express how much he loved the other man, every moan, every shaky breath, every time he gently nibbled or sucked on his lower lip, it all was to convey his feelings. He didn't care if he came off as desperate, he needed to give all of himself to that god.

Laxus, perceiving all that hunger, yearning and longing, felt overwhelmed. And bad, terribly bad. He tried to give Freed even a small part of what he'd given him during all those years. He wasn't in love with him, but he loved him all the same. He was one of the most important people in his life, his best friend, his right hand man, his most trusted comrade. He was truly thankful to him and he deeply admired and cared for him. He tried to convey all that. It wasn't much compared to what Freed was giving him, but it was the best he could do.

The kiss was passionate, intense, laden with deep emotions and none of the two wanted to pull away, Laxus scared that he hadn't done enough for Freed. Freed because he didn't want that bliss to disappear. But in the end they had to if they didn't want to die of oxygen deprivation.

They slowly parted and remained for a bit with their foreheads leaning against each other, panting, but relishing in their closeness. Freed let out a shaky breath and realized he'd been crying. He hastily wiped away the tears before Laxus could see them, but then, looking at him, he realized that he'd been crying too.

"Are you ok?" he asked timidly, scared of what might have caused that reaction in his love.

"Yes. I just...I'm sorry I can't give you what you want".

He really looked sad, self-contempt written all over his face.

"Don't blame yourself, I'll be ok" Freed gave him a smile. He had to be strong for Laxus.

"You're doing it again"

"What is it?"

"You're being worried about me"

"I will always be. I'm your bodyguard after all, aren't I?"

"I guess you're right" Laxus chuckled, but inside he was hurting. Freed had officially been his bodyguard for years, but he had never cared about their roles. He was his equal and he felt the duty and the desire to protect him just as much Freed did him. But he had failed. He had vowed that he would be stronger to protect what was important to him, but he hadn't thought that something like this could happen. Because of him Freed was hurt, he had lost his magic, his life. Plus, he would be away from him. It was just horrible and he hoped he would soon wake up from that nightmare.

But outside, he pretended not to be thinking or feeling all that. For once Freed seemed to be somewhat content and he wasn't going to ruin his mood.

After a brief silence he asked, a bit embarrassed: "Did you like it?"

"Yes" answered Freed dreamily, his eyes shined with a light Laxus hadn't seen in a while. "The best thing I've ever experienced. Thank you for making this possible"

"No big deal" he said, with his cheeks red.

"Was it very bad for you?"

Laxus jerked his head in Freed's direction, shocked by the question. He saw concern and insecurity in the other man's eyes. Maybe even some traces of guilt.

"Of course not! Why would it be?"

"I don't know…awkwardness, I was too…well, umm…"

It was really weird to see such a man as Freed struggling to find the right words.

"It wasn't awkward, you should really stop thinking that. Plus, you're really good at kissing, let me say this" he said with a grin.

Freed instantly blushed. He was screaming in his head.

Kissing Freed hurt, he could feel his raw emotions and it was heartbreaking, but he didn't regret it. Freed was happy for that and he could feel satisfied that he'd finally brought that light in his eyes after so much time.

Laxus then stood up and took his bag again. He couldn't help but turn serious again. He was leaving Freed behind. A defenceless man, without magic, strength, health, friends or family. He felt the urge to hug him again and didn't even fight it. He whispered in his ear: "Can I trust you? Will you keep your promise?"

"Yes, I'll take good care of myself" answered Freed. A terrible feeling of emptiness started to settle in. He dreaded what was about to come.

Laxus held him for another bit.

"Ok" he said and then he let him go.

He opened the door.

"Bye Freed"

He looked calm, but the doorknob was about to snap from the pressure his hand applied. His knuckles were white and his jaw was clenched.

Freed tried to appear calm too as he said: "Bye Laxus", but as soon as the other man closed the door behind him, tears slid down his cheeks and he lay down again, curling in a ball, as he found it impossible to stop crying.

Laxus remained out of the door for a while. He could clearly hear Freed's sobs. He was torn apart. He wanted to go back in there, to calm him down, soothe him, but he knew that it would only be temporary, a small comfort coming from his presence, but then all the feelings would remain and it would do no good. He thought to go back in there and force Freed to go back to Magnolia with him. He knew Freed would have wanted to go home too. He hadn't meant to make Freed suffer when he'd said it in front of him, but it was true. But then it would be the same situation as before. He couldn't be with the other man, it wouldn't be right to Freed and not even him. His best friend deserved to be with someone who truly loved him and he couldn't be with someone for whom he didn't have determined feelings. He had to leave, it was the only thing he could do. With heavy steps and tears burning in his eyes, he walked away from the hotel and headed to the train station. He didn't have anything to do in that town anymore, he'd found Freed, he'd failed him and now he was going home and fail his friends too. Damn, he started to understand why his father always said that he was a failure when he was a kid.

He bought a ticket, zapping with his lightning anyone who dared stay in his way even after he'd glared daggers at them, then he sat in the train, waiting for it to start moving. As soon as it did, he obviously felt sick, but not much more than he already did before. The weird thing was that he was contemporarily hungry. He looked like a damn pregnant woman. He berated himself for not buying himself something to eat during the travel. He wanted chocolate, it always made things better. Or Freed, he would be capable of making him feel alright in no time.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was damn scared about his condition. The feeling of him in his arms the night before, so small and fragile, came to his mind and his heart sank in his chest. He'd sucked Freed dry. Everything Freed had, he'd taken it. Everything Freed was, he'd taken that too. Even his magic, what represented him the most. God, he felt terrible. He was a bastard. He should have realized sooner, be a better friend, maybe if he had known before he fell in love with Mirajane he would have given it a shot.

No, who was he kidding...he didn't like guys, plus he wouldn't have taken it that lightly, not when it was about Freed. Then he thought that Freed had reduced himself like that maybe he _had_ taken things too lightly. Damn ego. He was a terrible friend. Why did Freed, Ever and Bickslow like him that much? Why would Freed even love him? He couldn't understand. Why would Mira accept to be with him? What if...what if he hurt her like he did Freed? Or Bickslow? Or Ever? Or his grandfather? He'd already done it with him...a damn selfish bastard, that's what he was. He just had to be grateful he had such wonderful people around him. And he was, truly. But deep down he knew that even if he berated himself it wasn't like the situation could change. He could just hope to do better with the others. He could blame himself how much he wanted, but there was nothing he could do. Freed was the one who had to take his life in his hands and make it better. As much as he would have liked to, Laxus couldn't do that for him. No one could.

Freed was still crying in the pillows. Laxus was gone. Everything was gone. In that month he'd stupidly hoped that Laxus would find him and that somehow things would be different. Maybe Laxus would realize that he'd missed him or something and well...

He hadn't gone away for that reason. He truly had left because he wouldn't be able to stand Mirajane and Laxus together and well, that was the only way he could forget him. But then his mind played tricks on him and his damn heart hoped.

_"Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!"_

He felt alone now, emptied of everything. Laxus was gone and had brought everything with him. No one would go to him now. He could rely only on himself. He didn't like loneliness. He'd had a whole guild by his side for ten years. His best friends always supported him. And now he had nothing. Only that damn job as a librarian and that small apartment he hated. He wasn't what he was anymore. He wasn't a mage, he was no longer the leader of the Raijinshuu, nor a member of Fairy Tail. Was he still Freed Justine at least?

He rose from the bed. He carefully stood up and felt dizzy. He leaned on the wall for a minute, until the world stopped spinning. Then he took slow, careful steps, afraid that he might fall, had his legs given out. He stopped in front of the mirror and undressed until he was only in a pair of oversized boxers. Laxus's.

He watched himself and he honestly didn't like what he saw. An old man, that's what he looked like. An old, skinny, weak man who was about to die, consumed. Not by time but by pain. His face was serious but it looked sad. His eyes conveyed sadness. God, it was radiating from him.

That wasn't Freed Justine.

Not one he liked at least.

He'd been a lot of different Freeds in his whole life: the happy child he was with his parents, the guilty teen who'd wiped out a whole village, the happy teen who'd gained trusted friends, the delusional man who'd fallen in love and the depressed man who was facing reality.

He desperately wanted to go back to being happy. He was capable of feeling happy, even if it seemed such a foreign feeling in that moment. His happiness had restarted thanks to Laxus and had continued through the years with Bickslow, Ever and his presence. He just wanted be that person again. That guy who was happy and satisfied with being just a friend of Laxus's and nothing more.

He wasn't sure he could do that. He felt weak, drained of everything, he was all alone, he'd chosen to be.

Would it be better if he went back?

He really had to stop posing that question.

Enough with those little mind games, self-illusions he created. He had to fight for what he wanted and sacrifice whatever stood in his way, no matter how painful it could be.

Plus, it wasn't like he could go to the guild, he wasn't a mage anymore and he highly doubted that his magical powers would go back to him.

But maybe…maybe if he healed from all that, if he became healthy again...his magical container would be restored and his body would resume its production of magic. He could hope for that right? He wasn't being delusional again, was he? Now he had another reason to do something to get better. He had to cling to that conviction.

Besides, he had promised Laxus that he would. And he had said that he was one of the strongest people he'd ever met. He couldn't disappoint him.

Then he didn't want to scare his friends anymore, weigh on their consciences, get them concerned. He had to show them that he was fine and that there was no need to worry about him.

And then he wanted it so badly. He didn't want to be that drained, tired, hideous being standing in front of him. He needed it. He was exhausted, he couldn't take any more of that unbearable situation he was living.

He would see doctors as Laxus had suggested. Nutritionists, psychologists, therapists, whatever he needed, he'd saved enough money and he had a job.

It was all ready to be set into motion.

He was going to give his all and get better for his own sake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there aren't any Author's notes here, but since I passed all these chapters here from FF.net and they were mostly ramblings and answers to the reviewers I avoided it :P This was supposed to be the last chapter of this fic (actually, the whole thing was supposed to consist only of the first chapter), but I was asked to write an epilogue that will arrive soon :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 8/06/2016)

Laxus arrived back in town when it was almost lunchtime. As soon as he got off the train he recovered a little from his motion sickness and went to buy himself a sandwich, he was starving. Instead of heading to the guild, he preferred going home. If he had to explain what had happened with Freed, he didn't want unwanted listeners around. He imagined that by now pretty much everyone knew about his situation, but he didn't care.

On his way to his house he called Bickslow and Evergreen hoping that they would be back in Magnolia as well. Luckily they were, so he told them to meet at his place in 10 minutes. He lightning-teleported himself home and nervously waited for his friends to arrive, trying to figure out a way to tell them everything and explain why Freed wasn't there with him. God, Evergreen had sounded so hopeful on the phone…

Bickslow arrived pretty much on time, while Ever took her time as usual: 10 minutes turned into half an hour.

"You're in advance, Bicks" she said as she entered while Laxus held the door open for her.

"Umm, no, you're late" he retorted.

She checked her clock. "You both know that 10 minutes mean half an hour or even more for me, so, if you arrived before me, then you're in advance. I'm always on time"

Pretty used to this way of reasoning, neither Bickslow nor Laxus dared contradict her. They just felt pity for poor Elfman who had happened to fall in love with her.

"So, where's Freed?" she asked with a smile.

"That's the same question I posed earlier, and if you had arrived 'in advance'" he even mimicked the inverted commas with his fingers. "I wouldn't have had to wait for the answer"

She huffed. "Learn to make the same use of time I do and you won't have any more problems"

He just rolled his eyes and Laxus finally decided to speak: "Freed's not here, he remained in the town where he's been all this time"

"What? Why?"

"He thought that it would be the best thing for him" his face expressed all the grief he felt. "He said that to feel better he needed to stay away from me" his voice trembled a bit at the end.

"Oh, Laxus" Evergreen said with pity, understanding that this was a very hard thing to take for him. She walked closer to him to hold his hands in hers in a comforting manner. She felt them shaking.

She was right to think that it was hard for him to accept that. Freed was his best friend, he loved him and Freed loved him more than anyone else in his life ever had. But he'd been capable to hurt him so much that now even he wanted him to be far from him.

"How was he doing?" asked Bickslow, catching their attention. He and Evergreen had seen him through the video lacrima, but they didn't really know how he was.

"Awful" admitted Laxus. Upon seeing their concerned looks he explained better: "He is damn thin, skin and bones, could barely stand on his feet. I found him by sheer luck: he was in a bar, getting drunk. I had to save him from some bastards who were beating him. He ran away from me at first, but then I caught up to him and brought him to my hotel room. There I gave him a hot bath and saw just how bad his conditions are. He is extremely weakened. Last night he was running a fever though. Not that I'm in the least bit less scared. He passed out from exhaustion and I took care of him. His sleep is troubled, he had many nightmares. And every time he said my name. Whispered, stuttered, screamed. But it was always there. He paused for a moment as he felt pangs of guilt in his chest. "In the morning I called Mira, I showed him to her just like I did you and she told me it was her fault if he was like that. Then I asked her to explain and she told me the truth. That's when I called you two. Later Freed woke up and we spoke, he told me more about his health, he said that bruises appear on his body for no reason and that he still hasn't seen a doctor. Then he told me that he lost his magic"

"It really happened?" asked Evergreen in shock, her voice cracking.

Laxus meekly nodded and turned to Bickslow who had taken off his visor to wipe some tears, while muttering some curses under his breath.

"I could see he was destroyed, but he said that he was coming to grips with that" said Laxus, clumsily trying to be somewhat comforting.

The truth was that he was having a hard time accepting it as well. It was different than when someone dies, because then you feel bad for yourself, because you lose someone important. In this case he felt sad, all the same, because he loved Freed and didn't want anything bad to happen to him, but at the same time it didn't touch him personally. It was really weird how feelings worked. He guessed that people were right when they called him socially awkward if he couldn't even understand the meaning behind such a normal thing. He just knew it wasn't simple sympathy, it was more, it cut deeper. It was madness, it was guilt. It hurt.

"That's just...terrible!" whined Evergreen and Laxus hugged her needing comfort as well. Bickslow joined the fray awkwardly hugging them and making Ever feel as if she were in the middle of a sandwich.

"He thought I would despise him" Laxus suddenly whispered, still in disbelief.

Evergreen and Bickslow pulled away and looked at him. He met their gaze with a scared look in his eyes: "Would you...think that too? Am I this horrible? Have I been such a jerk to you?"

"You have…" started Bickslow uneasily. It was like a stab of pain in Laxus's heart.

"But you're another person now!" promptly continued Evergreen.

"You still value strength…" chimed in Bickslow and Evergreen glared at him, silently telling him to shut up. It wasn't that he didn't think what Evergreen had said, it was just that he was way too honest and totally not good with words.

"But you value your friends more" she told Laxus.

His friends antics brought a small smile to his lips.

"I know I was a jackass, but I want you three to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care about anything but you and your wellbeing, ok? I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise"

"That's ok" said Ever with a smile. Bickslow was more beaming than simply smiling.

"So, what else did Freed tell you?"

"He confessed. Well, I told him I had been told and he was annoyed. But then I made him say it on his own. He looked at me with such expressive eyes...I wanted to die right there" he laughed bitterly. "I made him say what's so special about me and everything. I thought it would make him feel better. And I wanted to hear it. It was...good and bad at the same time, you know? You hear all those beautiful things and feel so happy and flattered, but then you can't do a single thing about it. I felt bad and he even comforted me, telling me it's not my fault"

"You feel that it's your fault?" asked Ever.

"Of course! He's like this because he loves me and I'm so inept that I can't love him back"

"You can't control love, Laxus"

"I hate this. Everything. He is too good for me and I can't appreciate it enough"

"The fact that you think this shows that you appreciate a lot. You shouldn't berate yourself for a thing you have no control over"

He just sighed. "Well, at least I did one good goddamn thing"

"What is it?"

"I kissed him"

"WHAAAT?!"

"He asked me to, he said he really wanted it and I granted at least this wish"

"TELL US EVERYTHING. NOW." Evergreen ordered creepily.

Bickslow just went to rummage in one of Laxus's cupboards and threw a pack of pop corn in the microwave. It was going to be a show too good.

Laxus nervously recounted the events: "After I made sure that he would take care of himself, I was leaving, but he stopped me and asked me if I could kiss him. I asked him if it was really what he wanted, but kept my thoughts to myself, not wanting his decision to be biased by my words, and he said that yes, it would have probably made him feel better, so I saw no reason why I wouldn't do that"

"Yeah yeah, now get to the juicy details. How was the kiss?" pressed Evergreen.

Bickslow laughed with his mouth full of pop corns.

Laxus was officially embarrassed. "It was...good, I guess?"

A glare from the woman urged him to continue.

"I...gave him some pecks, you know, to create a bit of atmosphere, but then he pulled away, saying that he shouldn't have asked me to do such a thing. But then I told him that I wanted to do it and to enjoy the kiss. I think he did...do I really have to give the details?!"

Evergreen huffed. "Just tell me how it felt already! That's what I want to know, not how you moved your tongue!"

"Oh, yeah, that, obviously" he laughed nervously.

They were interrupted by the sound of Bickslow coughing. He had choked on some pop corn while laughing. Laxus rushed to his side and hit his back with force several times.

"I'm good" Bickslow croaked out after a bit, with his thumbs up.

"So?" inquired Evergreen with her arms crossed over her chest.

"It was good ok? Uhh...Freed kisses well…"

"Just when I think you couldn't get any redder you become a shade darker" commented Bickslow thoroughly amused.

"Will you stop interrupting?!"

Uh-oh. Ever was annoyed.

Laxus glared at him as if saying: _"I saved your life and you make fun of me?"_

"How. Did. You. Feel?" she asked Laxus and that time he knew that if he didn't give a satisfying answer things wouldn't end up well for him.

"I felt overwhelmed"

She gestured for him to continue and explain better.

"Freed looked kind of desperate. He...I don't know how to explain it...he...moved as if he needed me more than air. He clung to me with everything he had. I tried to give him my best. I mean, I didn't want it to be a meaningless kiss. It wasn't. So I thought about all I feel for him while kissing him and I tried to express it. But it couldn't compare to what he gave me"

"See? It wasn't that hard" said Evergreen, seeming satisfied, but she was actually pretty sad.

"He said he enjoyed it. He had such a dreamy expression when we pulled away. I was so happy I could bring it on his face, even just for a few seconds"

"That's good"

"Mira mustn't know about this or else she'll kill me. You know that, right?"

"Of course" Evergreen and Bickslow sweatdropped.

"Now I have a question, if the little princess is done with her interrogatory" said Bickslow, raising his hand asking for permission to speak.

"What is it?" asked Laxus.

"He said he didn't want to see you, but what about us? We can go visit him every now and then, right?"

"I actually haven't asked that. I suppose that now that I found him and that we cleared things he doesn't need to hide anymore"

"Maybe we shouldn't go too soon. We should let him start his route to go back to health and then maybe he'll be able to receive visits without missing home too much" mused Evergreen. "I mean, once he sees the results of his hard work, he surely won't want to risk losing everything"

"I guess it would do no harm if you two went...you could bring me news about him" said Laxus hopeful.

"Sure thing!" assured Bickslow.

"So, how much do we wait to go to him?" asked Ever.

"A week?"

"Nah, too little time"

Laxus watched the exchange nervously. He wanted to know about Freed as soon as possible.

"Six months"

He jolted.

"Seriously, how can you go from one extreme to the other?!"

"Maybe six months is a bit too much, huh Bickslow?" Laxus chimed in and laughed hysterically.

"I think a month is the right time. This way we'll be able to see some progress too. What do you think?" proposed Ever.

"A month is good. You would say no to any of my suggestions anyway, so I might as well accept" said Bickslow in defeat.

"Good boy" Ever patted him on the head.

 _"A month…"_ thought Laxus. _"That's one hell of a long time..."_

He wasn't so sure he could handle another month without Freed. Sure, now he knew where he lived and had been promised that he would take care of himself. But maybe Freed's resolve would waver, maybe his feelings would take their toll, maybe that kiss wasn't enough. No, he definitely couldn't wait a month. He would break the rule and go sometimes and watch Freed from afar. Yeah, that was perfect.

Now he needed a beer though.

After recovering a bit, Freed went to get himself ready for the day and then left the hotel room, discovering that Laxus had already paid. He headed home, wearing a change of clothes that the lightning mage had very kindly left behind for him, thankful for the fact that that day he had to cover the afternoon shift at the library, so he didn't risk neither his job nor to be reprimanded by his boss.

Once he was home, he changed into one of his attires and then directly went to his doctor's. There was no need to waste any time.

Once he explained his situation to him, the doctor told him to undress and silently made a complete checkup. Freed felt a bit uneasy and ashamed, being looked at and ordered around like that by a stranger, but he didn't complain. It was for his health. When the doctor was done, he told him that he could dress himself again.

"Mr. Justine, so you think that your physical problems come from a psychological unstability?" asked the man.

"Yes, I do" answered Freed curtly, not thinking that he should explain again what was going on with him.

"If your sentimental problems have reduced you like this, I suggest you see a therapist, to help you clear your mind and consequently get better at the physical level"

The doctor had said it with a smile, but honestly, Freed perceived some sort of disgust. He felt as if the doctor was mocking him for ending up like this because of an unrequited love. Or maybe that's what he thought and so he believed that the doctor would think the same. He knew he'd been a little paranoid lately. Even if he wasn't completely convinced to see a therapist, since it seemed that he was making a fuss over a small thing, he agreed. He was no doctor and he supposed he had to follow the advice of a man who had studied to make people feel better. So he said: "Yes, that might help me. Do you have any recommendations?"

"Sure thing. There is Mrs. Marra. She is a very kind woman, all of the patients I sent to her have told me that they're very satisfied. And most of them have solved their problems. I don't see why she shouldn't be able to help you too. Your case is definitely not one of the worst I've seen"

"Thank you" said Freed, somewhat reassured, as the doctor scribbled something on a piece of paper. Then he held it out to him. "Here is her number, if you ever want to set an appointment with her"

The greenette took it with a smile and a nod of appreciation.

"Now let's talk about your physical issues" started the doctor. "It is clear that this depression of yours is so strong that it keeps you up at night. Your symptoms are just a consequence of that. Sadness, hallucinations, insomnia, general pain in your body, lack of appetite, tremors...some of them are also symptoms caused by the insomnia itself, as well as the incapability to concentrate, paranoia or the ease with which you catch a flu. Once you start sleeping regularly again and get your problems sorted out, your life should be back to normal and your body will start to work normally. I think that your therapist might give you some medicines to help you sleep. Nothing heavy, it's just for a short period of time, then you will gradually diminish the dose until you don't need it anymore"

Freed smiled with joy. He was given new faith. It seemed all so easy to fix.

"But in the meantime" continued the doctor. "You should do something for your body: you're highly malnourished and underweight. You should start following a good diet and maybe do some exercise once you get some strength back"

"I will" said Freed determined. "Can you give me the diet I need or should I go to a nutritionist or something?"

"No, you'll have to see another doctor" said the man with an apologetic smile. Then again, understanding that Freed didn't know whom he could call on since he was pretty new in town, he wrote the number of a trusted nutritionist on another piece of paper and gave to Freed who accepted it with a 'Thanks'.

"Anyway I would like to ask you something" said Freed.

"Yes?"

"I was a mage in the past, but in these conditions I can't use my magic anymore. Is there any chance that if I get better, I might be able to be a wizard again?"

"Sure thing" said the doctor and Freed felt that he could stand up and hug him. "During the visit I checked your magical container, it's not damaged, it's just that it can't get enough energy from your body to produce the necessary magical power to perform a spell. It's just producing the amount of magic necessary to keep you alive. Once you start eating well and sleeping your container should resume a normal production and you should be able to use your magic again"

Freed could finally breathe again. It was as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. He would be a mage again. It was too good to be true.

He stood up and said goodbye to the doctor thanking him once again. When he got home, he immediately called the therapist and the nutritionist. Both gave him an appointment for the day after. Freed felt excited, way too excited. He couldn't stop thinking that he could regain his magical powers and that everything could go back to normal. He even ate a slice of toasted bread for lunch and managed to keep it down. It might not seem much, but it was for him.

In the afternoon he went to his job and everyone there noticed that he was way more cheerful than usual. Not that anyone had ever complained about the way he worked, because Freed was always very punctual and efficient and noisy people didn't work well with libraries, but everyone had seen how gloomy he usually was. Seeing him with that little smile on his face that day made everyone happy. Freed was a good person and could easily make people love him and keep an eye open for him, even unconsciously.

"My certainties have been crushed today, Freed" said a woman in her mid-twenties. She was the daughter of the owners of the library and one of Freed's employers.

Freed gave her a confused look.

"You're smiling"

Freed rolled his eyes and gave her an amused smile.

"I didn't think you were capable of that"

"I'm capable of many more things you don't know" he said proudly.

"Are you flirting with me?" she joked.

"Wh-What?!" he stuttered embarrassed.

"Come on, I was just kidding!" she exclaimed throwing an arm over his shoulders. God if this woman wasn't exactly like Cana.

"You wanna go out tonight?" she offered.

She had been doing it every day since the very first day he'd been hired there. She had a very extroverted personality and wanted to make friends with everyone. And, most of all, she wanted to have fun. Plus, Freed looked like a lost puppy and she wanted to cheer him up.

"Are you always out with friends? Every night? Never feel the need to stay home?"

"Nope" she said with a grin.

"You know what? I'll join you tonight"

"You never cease to amaze me, Freed" she joked. It was the first time the young man accepted one of her invitations. "See ya at 9. Here is fine"

With that she left.

"I hope my daughter isn't bothering you…" said Alexandra's father. That was the name of the annoying woman.

"Oh, absolutely not, Mr. Darkholme" reassured Freed.

The old man nodded with a smile and left Freed to do his job. The rest of his shift passed pretty fast and 9 o'clock seemed to arrive maybe to soon for Freed's taste.

Alexandra picked him up and brought him to a pretty popular pub, the Banshee. There they met some friends of hers, Christian, Charles and Paul. The night was pretty nice, better than he expected to be honest. He imagined that there would be a bit of awkwardness at first or that maybe he wouldn't be too involved in the conversations, instead Alexandra and her friends were kind enough to make him participate. They were funny actually. In the end Alexandra, Charles and Paul left together and he was left alone with Christian. They walked together home, but since they were both pretty shy they didn't converse much, just asked each other stupid questions one asks when you don't know the other and don't know what to say. Despite that Freed could say that he finally had had some fun after a while. He looked forward to another night with them.

During the night he just tossed and turned in the bed as usual, but he didn't complain much. He was still hopeful for the conversation with the doctor and his determination didn't waver in the slightest. Plus, at least he didn't have to withstand a traumatizing wake-up in the morning to be on time for work. Alexandra arrived late, that day, it was almost noon. She had a pair of sunglasses on and a coffee in hand. She walked over to Freed, ignoring her hangover for the time being and asked him if he had liked the previous night.

"Yes, your friends are really good fun" he said with a smile.

"Good! They liked you too"

"Oh, I'm glad…"

"Especially Christian" she added nudging him with an elbow and giving him a knowing smile.

"What do you mean?"

He smelled conspiracy.

"Well, he's into guys, just like you. And he's single, just like you. And I thought I might introduce him to you. And well, he liked you"

"Is that why you left us alone in the end?"

"That and because I wanted to have some fun with the other two" she raised her glasses so that he could see her eyes and winked. He chuckled.

"Anyway, you still haven't told me if you like Christian"

"It's...a bit complicated. He's a nice guy, but I can't really say I like him. I want to be honest. I appreciate your efforts though"

Freed truly did. And he didn't like the idea of rejecting someone, knowning how it feels, but it wouldn't be right. Besides, he still wasn't ready for something with someone else. Sure, he wanted to forget Laxus and everything, but it wouldn't happen in a day.

"Ah, no problem. Maybe if you get to know him better, you'll like him, or maybe you'll meet someone else. He'll get over it eventually"

He gave her a small apologetic smile.

At 3 o' clock in the afternoon he had his first appointment with the therapist. He told her about himself, Laxus, their story, what had happened just a day before, his decision and what he wanted to do. She listened to him carefully. He didn't know if she was truly interested in what he was saying, he thought that he would honestly get bored listening to people complaining about their problems every single day, but at least she was good at not seeming tired or bothered. She gave him advice, being very supportive of his new decision, she said that it was the best thing he could do for himself and that she would help him with that. She was very kind, funny even. She knew how to gain one's trust and how to lighten up the mood. Before he left, as the doctor had predicted, she prescribed him some medicines for his insomnia. And she reassured him as well, telling him that once his mind was ok, everything would work out alright in his life. He left feeling even happier than the day before. It was great, just too great.

An hour later he went to the nutritionist's, Dr. Gaon. She was just as good as the therapist, she visited him, took measures and wrote a diet that would help him gain some weight and that was full of good nutrients that would give him the possibility to restart using his magic within two weeks. Of course, it would be simple spells that didn't require too much energy at first, but then he would gradually be able to use his powers at his full capacity. Before he left, she told him that once he felt reenergized enough, he could start taking up physical activity if he wanted to.

His heart was soaring with joy, two weeks and he would be able to use his magic again! He wasn't even sure if the medicines would be enough to make him sleep that night, he was way too excited! He still couldn't believe it, but now he knew that everything was really going to be alright.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are _way_ better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Posted on FF.net on 27/06/2016)

After talking to Evergreen and Bickslow, Laxus finally went to the guild and there he explained Freed's situation to everyone, without adding too many details. His life without Freed around was weird, but now he had to leave him alone and let him live his life, so he focused on other things, like his relationship with Mirajane.

Things went very well with her, it was like in a dream, but the thought of Freed often bugged him even if he did his best not to show it in front of her. He just hoped that he was alright and that things went just as well for him.

Even if Laxus was more relaxed about the entire situation now, since now he knew what the matter with Freed was and he had promised that he would do his best to take his life back in his own hands, that didn't mean that he wasn't worried about him anymore or that he didn't want to see him as soon as possible.

After a week he decided to set out to where Freed lived now and spy a little bit on him, unbeknownst to everyone, of course. He just said that he was going on a mission and really did take a flier with him, to make things more credible. He would complete it after checking on his friend. He knew that Evergreen, Bickslow, Mirajane and perhaps even his grandfather would be against his decision, because Freed might find out that he was there and all his progress and resolve would be thrown away, and because they said that even Laxus himself had to find a way to be more independent from his best friend. Laxus might not be in love with Freed, but he sure needed him in his life. First of all, he loved him. Secondly, they'd basically lived around each other for what felt like a lifetime. This sudden separation wasn't easy on him either. Then Laxus felt responsible for him and not having Freed there, to be able to protect him whenever need be, bothered him. Plus, Freed was really good at keeping him company, his mood got immediately better whenever he was around, he did many things for him, even if he didn't ask him to, and, most of all, he kept him out of trouble. Wanting Freed for himself was selfish, Laxus knew that, but as long as Freed was truly ok and happy he didn't give a shit about what everyone else thought. Even if it was Mirajane. And he would make sure to be extra careful so that he wouldn't notice him, because he knew that it was for the best, so there wasn't really a problem, was there?

As he arrived in town, he realized that he didn't actually know where Freed lived or worked, so he had to wander for a while before catching up on his scent. When he did, he immediately started following the trail, until he saw him.

Freed was getting out of a building, Laxus saw that there was a license plate next to the door, which read 'Dr. Gaon'

 _"He's seeing doctors, good"_ he thought relieved.

But what relieved him the most was that while Freed hadn't changed much, at the same time he looked like an entirely different person. He stood tall and proud and he seemed almost energetic as he walked. And that smile of his that had always been so contagious that Laxus often found himself smiling along, was now playing on his lips again. The lightning mage was now beaming as he followed his former teammate going shopping.

Laxus watched as Freed bought great amounts of food, pleasantly surprised that he was going to eat all that, but even happier as he saw his ever polite and composed friend so relaxed and joyful.

Freed was now heading home and Laxus finally found out where he lived. He could see very little hiding out of the window and in one of the balconies (thank god Freed lived on the first floor), but it seemed that Freed had decorated the place really nicely. Laxus watched him cook and the good smell that came out of the window made his mouth water, but he had to resist barging in there and devouring everything. When the food was ready, he attentively focused on Freed eating, as if it were a big deal. And it was, since it had been months, maybe even a full year since he saw him actually eating without making it seem as if he were swallowing knives.

He was about to leave the balcony and go grab a bite somewhere, waiting for Freed to get out again, imagining that if he had had his morning free, then in the afternoon he should have probably had to go to work, unless it was his day off. But then his friend rose from his chair, put the dishes in the sink and went into the living room suddenly raising his arm and pointing at nothing in particular, with a concentrated frown on his face.

Laxus perfectly knew that stance: Freed wanted to perform a spell.

 _"But...Freed had said that he had lost it, that he wasn't a mage anymore. He said he'd accepted it, what the hell is he doing now?!"_ Laxus thought concerned. He just hoped that his friend had a good reason to try and that he wasn't doing it because he was still hoping in vain. He prayed whatever god existed to let Freed succeed. He didn't want him to receive another disappointment.

Freed was well aware that the doctors had said that two weeks had to pass, but he was too damn impatient to try. He felt better than he did before, he was confident that he would manage a small thing. It took him more effort than he thought, and as all of his muscles tensed, all to produce even a small streak of magic, a thin, purple line came out of his finger and his frown turned into a relieved grin, which matched Laxus's own.

He couldn't hold it for very long, and the small rune crumbled in a matter of seconds, but Freed was satisfied. He let his arm fall and regained his breath, too happy to even be able to describe it.

Laxus could barely contain his excitement as he saw Freed so happy and confident and couldn't help but think that maybe he would return to Fairy Tail once he'd got over his feelings for him. He did his best not to start jumping in happiness as his heart leapt in his chest and as he saw Freed approaching the sink he finally went to eat.

As he ate in a bar nearby, Laxus continuously checked out the street to see if Freed passed and, after an hour, he saw him going somewhere. He waited a bit, to let his friend get far enough so that he wouldn't get busted and then started following him again and discovered where Freed worked.

As his friend disappeared in a building, Laxus didn't actually know what to do. Going in there maybe was taking a risk too big. But he really wanted to. He wanted to see if Freed had friends at work, how he interacted with the people in there. He wanted to hear his voice again.

He had learnt from Mira a bit of transformation magic. He'd told her it would be useful for jobs, but he'd actually done it to be able to hide better when he came here to see Freed. But he wasn't that good, that's why he didn't rely on that from the start. Sometimes he would transform into something hideous, sometimes it would work, but only for seconds. But once he was in there were many bookshelves that could cover him, right? He just needed to do a good transformation and hold it until he was in and could hide.

 _"Come on…"_ he pleaded in his mind as he focused. At a certain point he felt different and looked at himself in a reflecting glass of a store nearby. Yes! It had worked! Now he just had to rush in and hide.

He didn't run, because that would have meant bringing attention upon him, but he walked pretty fast and got in, nodded to Freed and an old woman who were behind some sort of counter in greeting, and Freed smiled back to him. Then he rushed behind a massive bookshelf not too close but not even too far. There, after a couple of seconds the transformation wore off. Thank god he'd already pulled on his hood. Security cameras wouldn't be able to spot him and Freed wouldn't see anything.

He started walking closer to that counter of sort and heard Freed talking amiably with that old woman. Laxus guessed that she was his employer. Then his friend took a pile of books and set them on a cart filled with other books, claiming that he would put them back on the shelves.

_"Damn"_

To save himself, Laxus immediately grabbed a book and sat down at a table, burying his face in that tome and trying to cover himself at best with his arms, looking very concentrated. Freed passed next to him without even acknowledging him, probably not wanting to disturb him. In no time he had completed his task and was back with the old woman. Laxus sighed with relief and put the book back where he'd found it.

As he returned to his previous position, he saw Freed talking with a young woman, more or less of his age.

"Wanna go out tonight?" she asked.

"Sure" Freed answered with a smile and Laxus felt relieved that he was making new friends who cared about him.

"Can I bring a friend?" she asked with a sly smirk.

Both Freed and Laxus understood what she was implying and the rune mage rolled his eyes, but his smile never fell, while Laxus smirked as well. She kind of reminded him of Mira, but with Cana's casual attitude.

"If you want to"

"Good"

With that she took off.

While Freed talked with his friend though, Laxus noticed that they had another unwanted listener other than him. Said guy was now pretending to be very interested in an old tome, but earlier Laxus had seen the glances he shot Freed and how disappointed he looked when he had agreed to the woman's request.

Laxus smiled sadly, recognizing that that same expression had crossed Freed's features countless times when he looked at him. Back then he didn't give it much thought, but now he knew what it meant. He left, secretly rooting for that guy.

During the month he came back another couple of times, seeing how Freed progressed and how that guy was always there, silently observing him. Laxus wondered how the dates that woman had set up had gone, but not seeing anyone around Freed he assumed that he hadn't liked any of them. That thing made him both sad and happy. Sad because he wondered if Freed was still thinking about him and that was the reason why he wasn't taking interest in anyone else. He was happy because if Freed didn't date anyone, then that guy he liked still had chances.

Finally a month had passed and Evergreen and Bickslow were more than ready and eager to go visit Freed. Laxus was excited at the idea too, he had gathered some information, but he didn't have a real insight on Freed's life since he didn't live with him and they didn't talk anymore. He just hoped that this wouldn't last too long.

Ever and Bickslow didn't know where Freed lived, nor where he worked, Laxus obviously hadn't told them a single thing, otherwise he would give himself away, but with the help of Bickslow's babies it wasn't too hard to find Freed's workplace.

As they entered the library, they both grinned seeing Freed giving them his back, busy with something at the counter. They could see how much he'd changed, even if they still hadn't seen his face. He'd regained weight and even a bit of muscles. Their Freed was slowly coming back and if they hadn't been in a library, they would have been screaming and jumping with joy. Instead, they maintained their calm, deciding to go there casually and see his face once he got aware of their presence.

When they arrived at the counter, Ever was the first who spoke up: "Good afternoon, I would like to know if you have books with stories about fairies"

"And I'd like a book about life, death and afterlife" added Bickslow.

Upon hearing those voices, Freed froze in his spot. Was it really them or was it just an enormous coincidence and someone happened to have their exact same voices and interests?

He slowly turned and saw Evergreen and Bickslow with matching smirks and he immediately jumped towards them, overstepping the counter and made them fall on the ground, landing on them and hugging the shit out of them as they laughed their ass off.

Thank god there was none of Freed's employers in the library, since they trusted him enough to leave him alone, but there were many other people inside, who immediately turned towards the source of the noise.

Still laughing the three apologized and everyone but one person returned to their books. That one person could not stop watching Freed's beaming smile. He had already seen him smiling, but he'd never seen him this happy. And god if he wasn't beautiful when he smiled like that. Before getting caught staring, the guy begrudgingly came back to his book.

Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow finally stood up and Freed hugged them again, feeling giddy that they were there.

"Hello to you, Freed" Bickslow said chuckling.

"Guys, what are you doing here?" he whispered not to disturb the other people reading in there.

Consequently, both his friends lowered their voices.

"We came to visit a friend…"

"Definitely not you"

He gestured for them to follow him as he took two chairs for them so that they could sit with him.

"I'm so happy to see you" he said, his grin never faltering.

"No one could tell, really" joked Bickslow.

"Yeah, yeah…so, how are you, guys?"

"We're good, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine"

"You look better"

"Really?"

"Definitely, you're not as scrawny as you were before, not that pale, not that sad…"

"Well yeah, things are going pretty well for me right now, this work is not so bad, I'm making new friends-"

"Note that this makes me extremely jealous" cut in Bickslow. "Are you trying to find our substitutes?" he pretended to sniffle.

Freed giggled. "Of course not, you're my precious best friends, no one could ever take your place. But at least I'm not alone here"

"So, I take it you plan to remain here" stated Evergreen.

"In the near future, yes. But maybe one day I'll come back to Fairy Tail"

"Wait. Does that mean…" she started carefully.

"Yeah, I regained my magic!" he said with a look of pure joy.

Evergreen squealed and Bickslow shouted a 'Hell yeah!' that made people turn towards them again and earned him a smack from Evergreen's fan.

Freed smiled with fondness. Oh, how he'd missed that sound. No, not the fan. The sound of Bickslow screaming 'Ouch!', that is.

"It's not yet as powerful as it used to be, but I can perform at least half of my spells now"

"That's great! I can't wait you to come back!" exclaimed Evergreen.

"It won't be soon, but I guess it will happen. I'm keeping myself trained too, I've taken up fencing. When I come back, I will still be Laxus's bodyguard"

"We won't slack off either, then. Our captain is becoming so strong and we can't stay weak, can we?" said Bickslow with a smirk.

"Definitely not" answered Freed.

"How much do you think it will take you? Months, years…?" asked Ever.

"I don't know. I'm still getting over things and I still don't have all the strength I used to possess. I won't risk Laxus getting hurt because of my ineptitude"

"We get it" she said reassuringly.

"How is he doing?" Freed asked. He wasn't sure if he had to, if he could, if it was a good thing, but he didn't want the man to become a taboo. And he wanted to be able to talk about him without feeling everything he used to feel.

"He's…fine" Ever answered, but it was clear that she felt uneasy. Bickslow too.

"Speak freely, come on. I don't need protection"

"Ok" she sighed, not convinced. "He's worried about you, he wanted us to come earlier to know how you were doing, but we'd decided that a month had to pass, so here we are now"

So Laxus was worried about him. Freed didn't feel that surge of happiness he used to feel before. Well, it still thought that it was nice of him to be concerned, but it wasn't as vital as it was before. He was really happy that Laxus cared, but it didn't give him some sort of hope. He could be more rational about things now. He thought that it was good.

"What about Mira?"

"Do you really want to know?"

He was testing himself.

"Yes" he said determined.

"Laxus is happy with her. She is happy with him. Things are going well between them"

She'd summarized it like that so that it wouldn't hurt him too much. He thanked her for her thoughtfulness. But again he was pleasantly surprised that it didn't hurt as much as it did before. It did hurt, but it didn't take his breath away, it didn't feel as if someone were stomping on his heart and he didn't feel the urge to cry. It stung, yes, but it was bearable. It might seem as if a month was a time too short to already feel better, but he'd already been sad all those years, mourning something he'd never had. He already knew that Laxus didn't love him, he didn't have to come to grips with anything new, just overcome it. That day after Laxus had kissed him the case had been closed and from that point on he'd focused only on himself. And that month away had been incredibly refreshing. And anyway he was happy for Laxus, as he would have been even a month before. Only that now he wasn't conflicted anymore.

"How about your love life?" asked Bickslow grinning.

"A friend introduced me some people…but none of them was interesting enough for me" answered Freed shyly.

"How about that guy?" inquired Evergreen with a sly smile, pointing at a guy sitting not very far from them. Unbeknownst to all of them, he was the guy Laxus was rooting for.

"Huh? You mean Stellan?"

"You know him?"

"We go to the same gym, although he does weight lifting and this sort of things. I know his name because he's here very often lately and I read it on his library card"

"So, what do you think of him?"

"I don't know, we've never spoken!"

"And physically?"

Freed found himself blushing. Stellan had brown, curly hair and green eyes. Other than that he was pretty similar to Laxus. He was the same height and he was just a little less built than him. Nonetheless, Freed thought he looked gorgeous in a tank top, lifting weights, as those biceps contracted…aarghh what was he thinking?!

"Good-looking"

"Only good-looking?" asked Ever raising a questioning eyebrow. She'd seen the red on his cheeks.

"Handsome, ok?"

"I think he's pretty sexy" chimed in Bickslow, for once helping Evergreen's cause.

"And I agree" she said.

"That's your opinion" said Freed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away. There was no way he was attracted to that guy.

"Sure thing"

"You know that he is totally into you, right?" said Ever.

"What?" Freed whisper-shouted.

"He was looking at you earlier"

"Everyone was with all the ruckus we caused"

"Yes, but when everyone went back to their business he was still looking at you. And he looked fascinated"

"That's just an impression of yours"

"Why won't you trust me? He's been shooting glances at you all the time. Just five minutes ago he was looking at us"

"Shall I have the babies check?" answered Bickslow, seeing that Freed still didn't believe Evergreen.

"NO! I'll do it myself one of these days since you care so much. But I'm sure that's just your imagination"

"Are you so insecure that you can't think that a guy likes you?"

"It's not that, but you always make things bigger than they are when it's about love and relationships"

Ok, maybe he was a little insecure. He had been loving a guy who didn't love him back after all. It was a hard blow to take for his self-esteem. But that thing about Ever was absolutely true too.

"If you say so…"

Right then an old woman arrived and interrupted their glaring match.

"Freed, who are these people?"

"Mrs. Darkholme, these are my best friends from Magnolia, Evergreen and Bickslow" answered Freed as his face brightened up.

"Nice to meet you, children" she said with a kind smile.

"Nice to meet you too ma'am" said Bickslow stretching out his hand. Evergreen did the same.

"How about you go out with your friends, Freed? I can stay here until we close up"

"But my shift finishes in an hour"

"I know, but your friends are here, I imagine you'd like to spend some time with them. Go and have fun"

"Thank you!" all three said grateful. Freed had always liked that woman.

As they walked away, Stellan turned to glance at them. Ever noted and smiled knowingly. Freed seemed completely oblivious.

Once they were out, the voices of Bickslow's babies were finally heard again. Their papa had told them to stay quiet in the library and they had obeyed, being the good children they were. Immediately, they started cheering when Freed suggested to go to a pub not too far.

"Yay! Let's go to the pub!"

"Freed will pay for us!"

"Yes, tonight your food and drinks are on me" said Freed laughing and Ever and Bickslow surely didn't complain.

In the pub they kept talking about their love lives, Bickslow told them that he would soon invite Lisanna on a date and Freed noted that finally Evergreen was referring to herself and Elfman as a couple. Then they made him tell them more about his life there and they told him about what had happened in the guild lately. Late at night they went to his apartment and Freed invited them to stay the night. They accepted, but sadly, the following morning they already had to go.

Freed accompanied them to the train station. There they bid their farewell and it was a truly sad thing. The rune mage didn't want them to go and they didn't want to leave him behind. They had never come back home without him and it felt weird.

They had already been apart for a month and they knew that they would be apart for a long time yet, but it hurt all the same. Freed had never properly said goodbye to them and it was just as sad as it had been with Laxus a month earlier. They shed tears and hastily wiped them away, feeling like idiots, crying like that in public.

In the end the train arrived and Evergreen and Bickslow had to get on. It left a few minutes later, as Freed waved goodbye and they saw him from the window. He felt an immense sense of loneliness again, the night with them had been beautiful and it had reminded him of that not-so-far time in which they would never leave each other's side. But it wasn't so bad, Ever and Bickslow had promised to come back in another month and stay longer after all, he could handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I've written so far :) There will be another one that I'll start working on as soon as Fraxus Week is over, so stay tuned!;)  
> P.S. Stellan is a character I've been asked to create so that Freed could have his happy ending too. What do you think of him so far?:)


End file.
